Have you ever tried so hard and felt so disappointed?

[Hurt]

Hi,

 

Anyone in similar situations? Have you ever tried so hard in work / relationships/ studies and yet did not get promoted/ attached/ pass until the point of feeling really down and discouraged?

 

But I am in a situation where I felt let down and discouraged and down after trying so hard. i feel disheartened and not sure if I should try again after trying so hard and failing. This disappointed feeling is quite strong. either side, I am not satisfied with the outcome. I can't seemed to give up completely and say " ok , I am not trying anymore" , neither am I saying " ok let's try again". I just feel very disappointed and not sure of the way going forward.

[Iggy5129]

Yes keep trying. If you don't fail you don't learn. Do you think that people are just instantly successful? It takes time and work to achieve your goals, no one gets it right the first time around and has a perfect life.

 

If you give up the rest of your life will be boring. Don't let a set back get you down just see what you can learn from the situation.

 

I know it's hard. Some days will suck. I'm currently having a run of bad luck and unfortunate circumstances but I know things will get good again. It's the cycle of life.

[ParisPaulette]

Well, these are different things. Trying so far as work or study, things where I could study more and improve and eventually pass--those things I chose not to give up on. Just pick myself up, dust myself off, and try harder. And you should too.

 

Relationships, different story because there I've learned it takes two people both making an effort to make it work and to make it last. You can try until you are blue in the face, but if the other person never changes or sits on their rump all day and expects you to do all the heavy lifting you are just wasting your time. What I finally found worked there was to take the time to get to know someone, to watch for key red flags, to make them earn my trust without just blindly trusting them simply because I liked them. If I saw red flags, if I saw they were not willing to meet me halfway, if I saw something that made me not trust them I showed them to the door and kept going.

 

I wish I could tell you I did this with relationships early in life, but it took a whole lot of trial and error, mostly error, and some very bad relationships for me to get that memo.

 

Trying harder on things that have to do entirely with your own skills and you working on improving things yourself, those you can do and should do. Trying harder when someone else is refusing to do so, when you have to also have a partner who is willing to make it an equal and not a one-sided relationship that goes only in one direction? You'll have better success trying to clap out a rhythm with no hands, because you cannot control another person and you shouldn't have to do so.

 

That's my input on it. Part of life is also figuring out what is worth your time versus what isn't, again by some trial and error. I once had PTSD about driving a car after a drunk driver killed my best friend and then shortly after that another drunk driver hit me while I was driving. I lived in a major city, so I was able to get away with not driving for years. But then I knew I was moving to a remote area, by myself with kids, and I'd need to drive if I wanted to survive. I had to get back behind the wheel and that was a very rough, very terrifying thing for me to do. I failed my driver's test four times, cried so often I gave up wearing makeup, and went through four driving instructors until I found the one who could calm my fears and get me driving again. I persisted on, I got my license, I love driving again and I'm fine. Persistence paid off there.

 

Contrary-wise I spent six years trying to make it work with a cheater who had red flags coming out of his ears. It never got better, total waste of time.

 

Learn to tell the difference, pick and choose what you persist in and make it count. It's all I can tell you to do.

[quirky]

I think it really depends on the context. Some things are hard because they are not aligned with your natural skills and those things might be best to not invest in as much. An example of that for me was working as a theatre stage manager. I had this glorified view of what it is and how much respect I would get for doing it. In reality I was terrible at it but had to go through the stress twice to realise. When you do jobs that use your natural skills instead of skills that come difficult to you then you will be excelling at those jobs because you will be naturally better than others. Not to minimise the importance of learning some new skills and approaches.

 

I also agree with PP above that with people..you shouldn't try too hard..unless they do too. I am guilty of that and it has taken me years to understand that I was in general in my life always trying too hard with people..not so much boyfriends as such, just in general being nice, caring, putting myself out there a lot etc. Ultimately it's because I wanted them to be nice to me and because I always thought I had to do something to be loved, that I had to earn it.

[Hurt]

After trying hard for the relationships, I seemed to lost something in the process. I am not referring to the time or money I spent but I seemed to have lost something emotionally when I tried so hard in the relationships. Now I just feel so down. Looking back, doing nothing is better then trying and trying and trying . i don't feel like doing anything now after two failures. The feeling is down , I need some comforting. But not sure how.

[Hurt]

Maybe some will say what is the point in feeling sad? But I just felt disappointed, I am letting myself feel the emotions instead of burying it. I feel down. Anything to help me feel comforted again? Suggestions

[Hurt]

When I am tired I sleep, when I am hungry I eat. When I am disappointed, I ?????? Nothing seems to work. For things which works, it is dependent on other people.