What am I doing wrong?

[cactisucculent]

So about a month ago I posted about wondering if I would ever be more than friends. That night, I chatted with my friend, and we agreed to just be friends, since I was getting attached to him.

 

Since then I started dating a few different guys, one of whom I've gone on three or four dates with. He is a very lovely gentleman. We have the same quirky sense of humor, we both are career-oriented, we both work out every day, and we have a bunch of mutual friends in common. I have had a lot of fun on dates with him. He has told me on every date that he is very happy he met me, and that he thinks I'm amazing and he wants to continue to get to know me. He also told me he wants to take this slowly, since his last relationship he rushed imploded on himself. Because he wanted to take it slowly, I've been continuing to date other guys despite not being as interested in them. He still texts me every day (although very casually, like "how is your day"; the conversations are always short and pleasant.

 

Last week he got really sick. I texted him throughout this period saying "how are feeling" and "if you need anything, I'd be happy to bring you food, or anything else you need". He always responded that it meant a lot that I asked, but that he likes to be alone when he's sick. He seems to just be starting to feel better, and finally went out on Sunday. He hadn't texted me all weekend, which I thought was weird since he had always texted me every day. I texted him on Sunday saying "if you're feeling up to it, I would love to see you." He responded and said "yes, please." And I told him, let me know a day that works for you this week. He never responded. He also hasn't texted me today, which he usually does when he gets to work.

 

I'm sensing that he isn't into me anymore, which I just don't understand. Why would he constantly tell me he's happy he met me and that I'm amazing if he didn't feel that way? What am I doing to make guys initially say I'm great but not actually want a commitment? I told this guy from the beginning that I wasn't looking for something casual. Any advice is greatly appreciated, because I am really confused right now.

[ThatwasThen]

Why don't you just text him and ask him if he'd like to meet for dinner (or whatever) on Wednesday (or whatever) and be willing to pay for dinner since you're doing the inviting.

 

Have you been sexually intimate yet?

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps he senses that you're not interested in being exclusive?

I've been continuing to date other guys despite not being as interested in them. I told this guy from the beginning that I wasn't looking for something casual.

[cactisucculent]

Why don't you just text him and ask him if he'd like to meet for dinner (or whatever) on Wednesday (or whatever) and be willing to pay for dinner since you're doing the inviting.

 

Have you been sexually intimate yet?

 

Well, I always at least pay for myself or both of us (if the guy will let me), so that wouldn't be an issue. I just texted him yesterday saying let's do something this week, so is it too much to say "let's do X on X date"?

[cactisucculent]

Perhaps he senses that you're not interested in being exclusive?

 

I was pretty explicit that I want a relationship if it works out, so I don't think he could think that.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, I always at least pay for myself or both of us (if the guy will let me), so that wouldn't be an issue. I just texted him yesterday saying let's do something this week, so is it too much to say "let's do X on X date"?

 

He did say "yes please" when you said "I'd love to see you" so why not just say: "If you're feeling better are you free to do X on X"

 

If he has an excuse and says No and doesn't reschedule, well then I think you may have something to worry about.

Do you both initiate contact equally or has he (or you) been doing most of it?

[Wiseman2]

Are you still dating the other guys? It sounds like you never had an exclusivity talk, just a one way talk about not wanting casual.

 

He said he was sick, so why expect a bunch of texts? And he saw you when he was better. Lay back a bit and stop asking him out and texting so much.

I was pretty explicit that I want a relationship if it works out, so I don't think he could think that.

[cactisucculent]

Are you still dating the other guys? It sounds like you never had an exclusivity talk, just a one way talk about not wanting casual.

 

He said he was sick, so why expect a bunch of texts? And he saw you when he was better. Lay back a bit and stop asking him out and texting so much.

 

Yes, still dating other guys, although I doubt he is aware of this. I didn't think three or four dates was enough to have any sort of talk.

 

I'm also not expecting a bunch of texts, just thought it was odd he hasn't said anything in the past 24 hours when I said "let me know when you're free this week." I've also sent him 5 texts in the past week, so I don't see how I could lay back and not text as much. This is why I'm assuming he just isn't into me anymore.

[cactisucculent]

He did say "yes please" when you said "I'd love to see you" so why not just say: "If you're feeling better are you free to do X on X"

 

If he has an excuse and says No and doesn't reschedule, well then I think you may have something to worry about.

Do you both initiate contact equally or has he (or you) been doing most of it?

 

In the beginning it was pretty 50/50, in the past 4-5 days, he has initiated no contact.

 

My thoughts were just to not reach out at all this week. If he texts me asking to hang out, then I have my answer. If he doesn't text me, then I also have my answer.

[DancingFool]

You were explicit that you want a relationship and he was explicit that he is still damaged goods from his past relationship and not looking beyond casual. Sooooo...why did you accept his terms when you say you want better for yourself? Yes sure nice dates, lots of feel good type talk and all, but when you get involved with someone who is still carrying baggage from his last relationship, expect a roller coaster ride and that is exactly what you are getting. If you are not looking for a roller coaster, I'd say wave this guy good bye and keep searching and dating.

[cactisucculent]

You were explicit that you want a relationship and he was explicit that he is still damaged goods from his past relationship and not looking beyond casual. Sooooo...why did you accept his terms when you say you want better for yourself? Yes sure nice dates, lots of feel good type talk and all, but when you get involved with someone who is still carrying baggage from his last relationship, expect a roller coaster ride and that is exactly what you are getting. If you are not looking for a roller coaster, I'd say wave this guy good bye and keep searching and dating.

 

I would certainly not say he's damaged goods. He just learned his lesson from jumping into a relationship quickly, which I'm sure most of us have done the same thing. I also didn't interpret taking it slowly to mean never beyond casual, so I'm curious where your opinion is coming from.

[Wiseman2]

Maybe he's dating others as well and has to check when he's free?

Yes, still dating other guys, although I doubt he is aware of this. he hasn't said anything in the past 24 hours when I said "let me know when you're free this week."

[SoulTaker]

Well, I always at least pay for myself or both of us (if the guy will let me), so that wouldn't be an issue. I just texted him yesterday saying let's do something this week, so is it too much to say "let's do X on X date"?

 

Op, enough with the texting. Call him (make it short), and have a normal conversation. Texting is not that romantic. Also, don't get too focused on trying to interpret "interest level" at this stage. It's only been a few dates, and there's no agreement on being "exclusive". That phone conversation will tell you a lot.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think the ball is in his court, as it appears you've gone above and beyond. I would sit tight, and keep my expectations at a low level, along with the knowledge that "actions speak louder than words."

[missmarple]

I wouldn't initiate any more contact. He knows you want to see him and where to find you.