Mom giving me the silent treatment

[nrhsm]

I recently planned to stay over at a friends house for one night. In the past my mother has insisted that I bring a gift for her mom, which I completely agree with; however, I had already visited with this friend and the last time I presented a gift to her mother it was a little awkward (she seemed confused) and I felt this time I did not need to bring anything. I expressed this to my mother and thought we had come to an agreement but the morning I was leaving she gave me a huge bouquet of flowers to give to her mom. I felt uncomfortable with the idea ( we have been friends for years! why do I have to bring a gift every time we have a sleepover?) nevertheless I took the flowers with me. When I got to the house her mother wasn't home and I still didn't feel comfortable so I left the flowers in the car. The next day upon returning home I realized the flowers were still very much alive and beautiful and I didn't want to throw them away so I brought them into the house. My mother freaked out! She grabbed them from me and roughly got out a vase and flowers. She didn't talk to me all night and has treated me with the silent treatment for days. She will talk to my sister and completely ignore me. I don't know what to do! I didn't think it was that big of a deal and I can't understand why she is acting this way. It seems very immature to me and I know she was just trying to help me but I don't know why she hasn't moved past this yet. It seems like a very trivial offense. What should I do?

[Clinton]

Bring the flowers next time.

[jjkk]

Have you apologized?

 

I agree it's inappropriate and immature to give you the silent treatment over this. I believe it's extreme and harsh. Still...what you did was inconsiderate and I would be upset, too. It was a nice gesture from your mother and you tossed it in the car and forgot about it and didn't give it to the intended person. Uncomfortable or not, it was a gift from your mother and should have been given to your friend's mom. I'd suggest you apologize and don't forget to give gifts your mom sends for others again.

[j.man]

The reason for the gift is because she's thanking the other mother for looking after you that evening. If handing the other mother a gift on your mother's behalf is a condition to you staying the night over there, you suck it up and do it.

 

That said, I don't agree with any parent giving their adolescent child the silent treatment. While it may be a combination of her feeling like the other mother may feel she's ungrateful and you having disobeyed her, I agree it's relatively trivial. Without knowing your family, it's difficult for us to provide advice for what you should actually do now. Do you have a father around who you can speak to?

[DancingFool]

Next time don't make it about you, because it isn't. It's from your mother to the other mother and you are just the messenger, so for you, it should be neither here nor there. Step out of it and let the mothers deal with each other. So you just go, "hi friends mom, my mom asked me to give these to you." If friend's mom doesn't like it or feels weird about it, she can address it with your mother directly and privately.

 

As for your mom, yeah her behavior is not the best. Kind of agree that without knowing your family hard to give advice. Maybe your sister or your dad can mediate for you and restore peace in the house? Generally, apologizing does wonders even if you don't think you are wrong, which in this case, you kind of were. It was disrespectful on your part even if your mother's reaction to that is really over the top. Like I said, going forward, once this storm dies out, just be the messenger and make things simple for yourself that way.

[ThatwasThen]

What should I do?

Apologise for your mistake and ask her if you can talk about how giving those gifts makes you feel awkward and can you and she come up with some sort of compromise between the gift giving and maybe just do it at Christmas (or whatever major holiday you celebrate)?

 

You were defiant so it really doesn't matter how trivial of a misjudgement you made, so I suggest that you get to that apology and I'd start out with: "Mom, I hate it when you give me the silent treatment. Can we talk about this and try to resolve our negative feelings towards one another about it, please?"

 

If she doesn't respond to that then call children's aid.

 

 

 

 

(just kidding).

[Wiseman2]

Your mother over-reacted somewhat, but defying her request to be polite, was silly. Apologize, tell her you understand the gift was from her to this other mother.

She didn't talk to me all night and has treated me with the silent treatment for days.

[j.man]

Apologise for your mistake and ask her if you can talk about how giving those gifts makes you feel awkward and can you and she come up with some sort of compromise between the gift giving and maybe just do it at Christmas (or whatever major holiday you celebrate)?

 

You were defiant so it really doesn't matter how trivial of a misjudgement you made, so I suggest that you get to that apology and I'd start out with: "Mom, I hate it when you give me the silent treatment. Can we talk about this and try to resolve our negative feelings towards one another about it, please?"

I guess I'd assumed the OP already apologized and this was the fallout, but I may have assumed too quickly. I agree with this, aside from the compromising bit. If the mother knows it's a gift from your mother, she's free to ring her up and tell her it's not necessary. Assuming your friend's mom has a double-digit IQ, she knows the gift is a reflection your mom and not you. I think the apology wording is spot on, though.

[qwaspolk82]

Your mom is weird. Sorry I don't agree with anyone else. If her mom wants to give the other mom flowers, she can do it herself. Giving the mom a gift every time you go over there or sleepover is a bit much. Your mom needs to talk to that mom or vice versa. If I was your friend's mom I would tell your mom "Hey thanks for the thought but you really don't need to have your child bring me gifts from you." Something like that.

 

Your mom is being immature. If you have already apologized than you have nothing more to do. She'll talk to you eventually.