Drunken arguing?!!

[jojo24]

So went out the other night with my BF we had a lot to drink! He went into a take-away shop to get us some food, he was taking ages, I got stroppy went in and told him to hurry up! I know I was wrong to do that very much so! Anyway this really wound him up he eventually came out with the food and had a go at me for speaking to him like that, he threw the food at my face, I didn't retaliate to that. I found a step and tried rolling a cigarette and he came up to me and kneed me in the face which made me mad and I shouted again, he then threw his open food at me it went everywhere, I literally cleaned myself up and carried on, he then kneed me again which caused a lot of bleeding and then he left me to go to the hotel I followed him shouting for him to wait as I wouldn't of been able to get in, he had a massive go at me telling me not to come in with my face like it is or the hotel will call the police. I kinda cleaned up and off we went. I then started saying he can't treat me like that blah blah, anyway during that argument he's punched me in the face twice. I kept my calm we worked things out that even though I've never seen so much blood in my life! Woke up the next morning and my face is huge! I can bearly see threw my eye the whole side of my face is purple, I have a huge slit in my eyebrow which looks like it needs stitches. Anyway, I love this guy so much, we live together I'm hundreds of miles away from any family, when we are sober we are the best couple ever!! Although this morning, I woke up and accidentally spilt a drink and he went mad, I cleaned it up immediately and he went to get the other drinks and split one himself he then shouted and threw the glass across the room. This is when I learned I'm genuinely scared of him when he gets mad. He hasn't apologized and tells me I shouldn't provoke him and he wouldn't hurt him. I do know I do provoke him!! I know I do probably deserve it, but something inside me says even if I do provoke him o don't deserve my face smashed up! This is the worse he's ever beaten me! Would like to opinions if it's as bad as I think or I'm over exaggerating. Btw I love him so much and don't want to break up, neither does he. I'm 20 and he is 27. Thanks x

[Binoo]

This is incredibly screwed up. You need to leave this guy he's going to end up killing you one day. He can't even contain himself enough to not beat you like that in public where anyone could see. Imagine what he's capable of behind closed doors.

Nothing you could have done would justify this behaviour. It doesn't matter how much you "provoked" him. He's a scumbag.

[Seraphim]

You DONT deserve it. There is no reason for anybody to do that ever. You need to call the police and have him arrested. You need to leave this relationship immediately and call a family member to come and pick you up.

[Wolfshook]

You did nothing to even deserve shouting at you. There is nothing wrong with telling somebody to hurry up or spilling a drink.

 

Get out of this mess of "relationship" asap. You cant do anything that would make you deserve getting your face smashed.

[jojo24]

But when we are good, we are really good! We are practically inseparable and really get on, like best friends as well as in a relationship it just when we are drunk it gets way out of hand, and if he's sober he's just scary when he snaps. Thanks a lot for your input it is much appreciated!! X

[Almira23]

Do you actually think that there's some chance that you deserve to be beaten like that? Jojo your relationship is not healthy. It is a total disaster. This man assaulted you. Him being drunk or in a bad mood is absolutely no excuse for his behavior!!!!

Screw being away from your parents! You need to call the police immediately, get a protective order against this man, and move back home. He didn't even apologize for what he did to you and is actually somehow blaming you? Disgusting.

Jojo, it will never get better. He will continue to hurt you and abuse you. Please leave now while you still have your life.

[Almira23]

He is showing his true behavior now that he is drunk and it is eventually going to escalate to him beating you to a pulp when he is sober.

[Wolfshook]

But when we are good, we are really good! We are practically inseparable and really get on, like best friends as well as in a relationship it just when we are drunk it gets way out of hand, and if he's sober he's just scary when he snaps. Thanks a lot for your input it is much appreciated!! X

 

Being drunk doesn't make him innocent. He is a sick person, normal person would never hurt somebody he loves intentionally,not even when extremely sh*tfaced.

[jojo24]

It's hard to explain. I know no one deserves to be hit but, I can see why he gets frustrated because I do not stop going on sometimes, I never hit him first he's always gone for me first and I've never actually hit him. I did throw the Naan bread at him when he chucked his food all over me but I so upset and humiliated.

[Wolfshook]

It's hard to explain. I know no one deserves to be hit but, I can see why he gets frustrated because I do not stop going on sometimes, I never hit him first he's always gone for me first and I've never actually hit him. I did throw the Naan bread at him when he chucked his food all over me but I so upset and humiliated.

 

No, it's one thing to tell you to shut up or go away when you're "going on and on" but it doesn't approve of any name calling or even worse hitting you. Do not settle for abusers because of "love",and report him imediately so no other person gets hurt. Btw throwing bread after getting kicked is not really considered bad....

 

You can get a person and a life you deserve,never settle for abusers,never.

[Almira23]

Jojo, you can have any excuse in the book, but nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that you say will ever justify his behavior. I know that you're clouded by love and somehow trying to prove that this man is a good person, but he is not. He is a terrible human being.

No matter what you did, how you did it, he has no excuse or right to put his hands on you.

If you ask any friend, family member, or stranger then they will all tell you that what he is doing is wrong. No one here on this forum is going to say that you're at fault and need to stop a certain behavior.

I have been in drunken arguments with many boyfriends and none of them have ever hit me no matter how intense the argument was.

[Seraphim]

It's hard to explain. I know no one deserves to be hit but, I can see why he gets frustrated because I do not stop going on sometimes, I never hit him first he's always gone for me first and I've never actually hit him. I did throw the Naan bread at him when he chucked his food all over me but I so upset and humiliated.

It's good it's really good and no he's not like that is what every abused woman says. It is part of the abuse cycle. Please get out now my mother's best friend ended up in a cemetery.

[Almira23]

It's good it's really good and no he's not like that is what every abused woman says. It is part of the abuse cycle. Please get out now my mother's best friend ended up in a cemetery.

 

My best friends ex girlfriend was murdered by her abusive boyfriend who she constantly left and went back to due to his abusive behavior. He would fight her, bash her car windows in, and destroy her property. She would always leave him, but would constantly come back for a short period of time and it all ended up with her dying.

[jojo24]

He is the most amazing bf 99.99% of the time! Like fantastic! And I'm sure he's say I was amazing 99.99% of the time too! He always arranges date nights, we are going on our first holiday together. We say I love you everyday we cuddle every evening. He is the main breadwinner. I can tell him absolutely anything! I can see what you are all saying but I genuinely think he is my soulmate. I just wanna get over this drunken arguing. Thanks again for taking the time to response though!

[Seraphim]

My best friends ex girlfriend was murdered by her abusive boyfriend who she constantly left and went back to due to his abusive behavior. He would fight her, bash her car windows in, and destroy her property. She would always leave him, but would constantly come back for a short period of time and it all ended up with her dying.

On average abused women go back around seven times to their abusive partner before they leave for good. Unfortunately. They always think it's going to be better or that they can "love "this person into being a better person. My mom was one of these abused women too. Thankfully she finally left before she was completely destroyed. But she went back around seven times as well before she decided there was nothing nothing nothing nothing that she could do for my dad.

 

OP , abusive people have to sort out their own stuff you cannot do this for him. Most of them remain abusive for a lifetime

My mom married my dad when she was 18 years old. My mom and dad are now 70 years old and guess what? He is still the abusive person he was at 18. Thankfully they have not been together since I was 24 and I will very soon be 50.

[Wolfshook]

I can tell him absolutely anything

 

Except to hurry up (or that you spilled soda),that's when he smashes your face.

 

That 0.01% is enough to get yourself killed.

[Seraphim]

OP, you are going to end up dead or brain damaged or with severe facial damage. This guy is NOT so spectacular that it is worth that.

[Almira23]

I just don't understand how you can walk out in public with bruises all over your face, smile at the world, and think that what he did is okay.

[jojo24]

I don't think what he did was okay, and I came here kinda because he does tell me I provoked him and I kinda think even if I did provoke him or even pushed him or whatever that I didn't deserve be beaten so much. It's not like it was a little slap my face is a mess and every time I loom in the mirror I burst into tears. I know he knows it's not okay. But it's so hard to not accept it, if you get me? I'm dreading work because this will be the 2nd time I have to lie. I know people stare at me and someone even said something to me but I'm in such a hard situation. I want to be with him, but I also know it's not right but I'm not even good situation to even leave for a week or so. I have no money, family are hundreds of miles away and I really don't want to tell them x

[Almira23]

You're literally only 20 years old JoJo. You are far too young to be stuck on someone who is abusive and manipulative. Trust me, you may think that you love him now, but someone else always comes along in time. You need to tell you family what is going on, so that they can help you come back to your hometown. They may even help you with the cost of returning home. You need to completely block this man out of your life and get some counseling as well once you're back home. Maybe some therapy will help you realize the deep rooted issues as to why you continue to stay with someone who abuses you.

[Wolfshook]

I don't think what he did was okay, and I came here kinda because he does tell me I provoked him and I kinda think even if I did provoke him or even pushed him or whatever that I didn't deserve be beaten so much. It's not like it was a little slap my face is a mess and every time I loom in the mirror I burst into tears. I know he knows it's not okay. But it's so hard to not accept it, if you get me? I'm dreading work because this will be the 2nd time I have to lie. I know people stare at me and someone even said something to me but I'm in such a hard situation. I want to be with him, but I also know it's not right but I'm not even good situation to even leave for a week or so. I have no money, family are hundreds of miles away and I really don't want to tell them x

 

Why are you scared to ask your parents for help? They will gladly help you to move away from abuser. You are young and nobody will think bad about leaving an abuser. Talk to your parents and ask them to help you move home,dont waste your best years on somebody that will beat you and one day your kids.

 

You do have a choice, in 6 months time you will only remember him as an ahole he was.

 

Make your own future better,you deserve it.

[dave_1966]

I had a friend who used to work in a refuge for women recovering from domestic abuse, she told me as soon as they got themselves back together they'd trot back to their woman beating partner/husband. Sadly Jojo, you may be one of these fools. I assume you're attracted to thugs who eventually end up in jail?

[Bunney]

I dont have any sympathy for you, nor any woman who stays with a very obviously DANGEROUS person for a longer period of time. And when these women end up getting killed I can't help but think to myself "well it's not like they couldn't have seen that coming". Sorry, no sympathy from me.

 

It's very clear that you are very naive & immature. It's sad really.

 

"Oh but when it's good, its REALLY good! he's perfect 99% of the time!" - you dont even know how very cliché that sentence is from abused women, and how sick and tired I am of reading crap like that. Sure, he's so perfect most of the time, that's why you end up with a blue face every other day.

 

There are guys who you can have a really good relationship with, who might NOT be perfect all of the time, but whose 'imperfections' dont include beating the living hell out of you.

 

Maybe you sort of enjoy the drama.

[ParisPaulette]

This is abusive behavior, he physically assaulted you. You need to either a) press charges for assault or b) end things and do so in the safest way possible even yes if by text to keep yourself safe and never look back.

 

This will only get worse. Believe me, plenty of people get drunk and yeah they even get into fights and guess what? They still don't physically assault their partner.

 

All I'm going to tell you to do is run for the nearest exit before he puts you in the hospital or the ground. It's coming.

 

Also you need to read up on the Cycle of Abuse, because this is what you're locked into. Of course it's good in the honeymoon phase after the need to blow up and hurt someone is over. But the pressure for him to hurt you will build and over time that cycle gets shorter and shorter and the need to hurt you will get stronger and stronger.

 

You don't realize it, but he's addicted to this and to some degree you probably are too. But it's dangerous and it will get worse. I'm telling you now when you've had enough or you realize it's your life on the line I'm hoping you will at least call this number and talk to someone. And maybe not be one more statistic.

 

You need help. I'm hoping you eventually see your way to getting it. From someone in an abusive relationship who got out in one piece.

[superfan]

You deserve better. Repeat that over and over again as many times as you need to. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

 

What's more than that, is that eventually if you allow this to continue, he WILL eventually kill you. Do you even understand how serious that is? HE WILL KILL YOU.

 

No man that loves someone can do that to their partner. Abuse is NOT love.

 

He is NOT perfect 99% of the time and hoping he doesn't get drunk again will NOT solve the problem. This WILL escalate until he hits you sober. Just once at first, and then again and again every time you "do something wrong".

 

It's NOT wrong to argue with someone you care about. It's not wrong to bicker with someone you are involved with. It IS wrong to attack them for it and beat them in a public street (why did nobody else call the cops?)

 

If you are lying to family and friends about his actions, then you KNOW how wrong they are.

 

He might say he loves you, but actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. His actions are saying he doesn't love you and has zero respect for you. Do you know how many times my husband has hit me? None. Never. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

 

We have argued PLENTY of times both drunk and sober and not once has he ever even hinted at violence. And if he did, I would be gone.

 

PLEASE leave him. Don't tell him. Find a shelter. Call your family. Get some help. See a counsellor. You obviously have very little self esteem if you can convince yourself you deserve to be with a man who has so little regard for you. Do it now before you become another statistic.