Why is it so hard to let her go?

[Derek1985]

I met an amazing woman 3 years ago, I have to admit from the first date that I was extremely intimated by her and thought she was too good for me(come to find out later, she thought the same).

As soon as we would get close I would push whe away, I guess I was scared of being her, I've spent most of my life being alone.

 

We dated for 2 1/2 years, with a major break up in the middle of it. The break up was caused by me not knowing how to cope the death of my best friend, I ended up pushing her away and not being there for her. She was mad at my behavior and I broke up with her. We eventually got back together and everything went fine until I started getting bored and frustrated with her. I still loved her and never imagined by life with anyone else, but I knew things were off. She would constantly be in contact with 2 of her ex's, one who she was afraid of dropping complete contact with because of threats from him and a horrible past, and the other she claimed was just a friend now. I tried to not be jealous but at certain points when we would have a argument I would shut down and think of her talking to her ex's. Eventually I started becoming less and less emotionally available and she dumped me.

 

After the break up, we spent a couple months apart and got back in contact as friends, she wanted to see if I could make real changes going forward. We did this for 8 months, there were a lot of mixed signals from her part, we would spend a lot of times with our best friends(couple) and do everything together. We still kissed and cuddled but didn't have sex. She eventually got cold in May and I found out she's been going on dates, and eventually started dating and falling in love with a co worker.

 

 

At first I played it cool, but then it hit me hard, all our dreams, our future, and everything we shared are now gone. It's left me in a complete wreck. I tried just being friends with her while she's seeing him, as she wants it as well, but it's caused me to lash out at her and probably continue to make her feel like she's made the right choice.

 

Part of me thinks that while I do love her, I'm more hurt for a loss of pride and ego drop with her dating another guy. Is that common? I hate to think that I'm that selfish, because I do love her and want her to be happy, it's just extremely hard for me to be so happy for her while I'm feeling so lonely and left behind.

 

I'm trying to better myself and stay active. I've joined a gym, started therapy, and started getting involved in volunteer work. I don't ever want to treat anyone the way I did her, I wish I met her further on my life, when I'm more matured and ready for the relationship she needed.

 

Anyways, I just need to vent and let it all out.

[Wiseman2]

Don't be in the friendzone and hear about her new love-life, why? Stop and block all contact phone, social media etc. Live and learn...communicate better next time.

 

Start messaging/meeting new women on dating apps, don't throw more energy into this dead horse.

I started becoming less and less emotionally available and she dumped me.I tried just being friends with her while she's seeing him, as she wants it as well, but it's caused me to lash out at her and probably continue to make her feel like she's made the right choice.