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Porn addiction


muffinsnchips

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Do both partners use porn? The situation can be messier if the partner of the porn addict doesn't use or has never used porn. For the record, my stance on porn use has changed a lot over time, after you've seen enough of it, it really loses its appeal. Not something I would find threatening from a cheating perspective. It's never been a better time to be a cheater and porn is definitely not one of my main concerns. A few twinges of insecurity are normal in relationships regardless of porn use. Addiction is addiction, the medium wouldn't matter that much to me, but I would think hard about staying with a person who isn't actively managing their issues.

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This is one of those controversial topics. Different people will have different views on this. For my opinions here, I am going to associate porn as watching porn as well as masturbating (well, most people don't do one without the other!). Look, most people are going to watch porn in their lives at one point, whether they are married or not. It does NOT mean they don't love nor want their partner in 99% of the cases. It usually just means they are normal and natural human beings with a curious sexual nature and they want a form of release when their partner isn't around. Unfortunately some people, if they found out their partner has been watching it in secret, get severely hurt. Some people just can't handle this type of thing and it's understandable. But it's absolutely NOT cheating, and not comparable to it even remotely IMO.

 

As for the word "addict", that is also a controversial thing. But, from my understanding and studies on the subject; it has to be quite a severe case to consider someone a porn or masturbation addict. Someone can watch porn and fondle themselves 2-3 times a day; they are not considered an "addict". Someone can bookmark, save tons of porn, and so on; that does not make them an addict. The tipping point is the frequency and severity. If porn is interfering with life, job, work, schooling, taking care of kids/family, if the person is watching it 7-10 times a day with 20-30 minute sessions, well, that is getting into addiction territory. A porn addict is someone that undeniably has to have access to porn 24/7 and can't live without it. So before you go around calling someone an "addict", make sure that they really are an addict and not just a normal person that likes to watch porn, because there is a HUGE difference. The biggest factor is going to be if it's something that is interfering with their daily life. If it is not interfering with your partners daily life, then they are most likely NOT a porn addict.

 

Whether you have a partner that is a true addict or someone that just likes porn, well, it is tolerable. Again, it's NOT cheating. It doesn't call for leaving that person. It doesn't mean they don't love you or anything, either. It just means they like porn. Rather than finding a reason to be unhappy or argue about it, I would evaluate your partners sexual needs and see if there is anything you can do to help.

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Ok that's great thank you. I watch porn almost everyday and it's no secret. I always assumed my partner did too, it's not something he likes talking about. But in recent months it seems he would prefer porn/masturbation then actual sex with me. At first I thought maybe he is just tired and wants a quick release and that's fair enough but I've initiated sex 9 times in the last 2 week's and have been rejected every time but still he gets off to porn more then once a day. I thought it was just a habit that I'd never really noticed until now but he's only twice before rejected me in our whole 7 years together. I have had a baby she's almost 1 now but our sex life did increase once she was born but now I'm so frustrated and lonely. He fully denies watching it though. I know he is but and it's frustrating me and really starting to effect my self esteem. I love him to bits and I wouldn't leave him over something like this but what an I meant to do if he just refuses to talk about it. Do people go through stages of just not wanting sex? I don't want this distance between us to become a permanent thing for us

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In my opinion if not limited, porn can very easily become an addiction and effect relationships and in some ways cause that person to become reclusive. Porn is easy, there's no strings attached, no intimacy, no bonding required etc just a quick release. It could be that your bf is embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it or is struggling in other areas in life and porn being a symptom of that.

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I think we're entitled to temporary dry spells from sex itself while still giving ourselves some relief. Has this only been going on a few weeks? Not sure I'd automatically chalk this up to a porn addiction.

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I think it's normal to have some fluctuations in a relationship where you aren't having sex but still want to get off to some porn and I don't think that they are all that connected; there have been plenty of weeks where I watch porn far more than I have sex with my partner. So, I don't think it has to do with the porn specifically, unless he has a hard time getting aroused later in the day after masturbating, but it doesn't sound like that's been a problem in the past. Something else may be bothering him with the relationship where he is not in the mood as often to have sex; I think I would be pretty bothered being rejected 9 times over a 2 week period. It's also a little strange that he is lying about watching porn; if you've been together that long you guys should be able to talk about sex. I'd say it's probably worth trying to talk about if something doesn't turn around a little bit in a week. But, I wouldn't blame the porn because it's probably about something else.

 

Or maybe, he wants to get more adventurous in bed? Do you know what he has been watching? because maybe you guys could try something he's been fantasizing about, if it's within your comfort level.

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Ahhhh, good old porn addiction.

 

Well, for one thing, according to most medical professionals it doesn't exist. There are no porn addicts. It's a made up thing.

 

It's not included in the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. That's the modern day bible of psychiatry and includes all recognised mental conditions.

 

If you search the literature long and hard enough you'll find some outliers from that opinion. But their research is in it's initial stages and hasn't been substantiated yet.

 

The accepted opinion is that there are no porn addicts, just some people who like porn.

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