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Repost: torn between my ex and my current girlfriend. Long story.


Dl1795

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When i was 15. I met the girl of my dreams. I loved everything about her. Her hair. Her smile. Her voice. Her personality. Her laugh. Her body. Everything. Even the way i felt around her. She was so mysterious. Beyond beautiful. Shy. Quiet. And when i met her. I havent stopped think about her... Every minute of my life since.

 

I eventually asked her to a school dance and she agreed and that night we kissed while dancing. I never enjoyed a kiss more than that. We dated my sophomore year through the end of my jr year. I was hopelessly devoted to her. We lost our virginity to eachother and shared our first love together.

 

She had some mental ilnesses... Such as bipolar disorder. Depression. Self mutilating. Suicidal. And munchausen syndrome. She was very unpredictable. And everytime she hurt herself. Or was depressed i felt her pain in the deepest part of my soul. To make her feel better i would shower her in attention. Or walk/run (before i could drive) miles just to see her. Nothing would keep me from her. I would truely have done anything for her if she asked.

 

Her family wanted us to get married. Not so much my family.. But i was making plans to propose to her sometime after she graduated. (She was a grade under me.) whenever i asked her to dances or anything.. I always went all out. Asking her in the biggest most romantic ways possible. The whole school envied our relationship. So my proposal was going to be extravagant. But at the end of my jr year. She started becoming distant after her grandfather died. We went to prom the day after his funeral. Where i was a paulbearer. And i could tell she wasnt the same. I worried after that she was talking to people online. Other guys. I peaked once at her tablet to see for myself. And she was. She became very upset. And soon after dumped me days after prom.

 

I was destroyed. I did not understand. That summer i spent it inside. Everyday. She told me she needed a break. Because a day after she broke up with me i quit my job. Of which was a verywell paying commited job to have at my age. And i spent all day everyday. In a dark room depressed and angry. Staring at my phone for her to call. I began cutting myself. Every week she didnt call. Which was the whole summer.

 

I attempted suicide with overdose. Was not successful. Woke up in an immense amount of pain and vomit in my eyes. On a railroad. Afyer i began pointing guns at my head loaded holding the trigger. Wondering if i would be able to. My brother walked in on me doing this and told my parents. They got me help.

 

Into my senior year i saw her again. And i was happy again. She would come up to me and ask how i was doing. I was starting to think we would get back together. But i found out she started dating another guy. When i heard gis name i stormed out of the classroom she happened to be there too. And i found out who he was. The next day i tried not to look at her. But i purposely walked by her to see him all over her. I walked by and turned around and attacked him. He was so caught off guard. I punched him and he threw me into a locker and we fell into the ground and i began choking him until he was purple in front of all. The hallway to see. I let him go.

 

I was charged eith assault and battery . but charges were dropped. I was sent to a psych hospital. I stayed there for 2 months. I was put on meds that changed me. I was no longer sad. Or happy. For the next year of my life. She eventually dumped him after awhile and started dating one of my goodfriends. I was crushed. Wondering what i was doing. I became an alcoholic. And my depression lessened.

 

She contacted me after i graduated to apologize for the way she ended things. Saying she was a steriotypical high school . I accepted her apology and asked if i could talk to her face to face. She agreed and i opted for a real goodbye. I hugged her and wished her good luck but i told her i couldnt be her friend. It was too painful.

 

Since i have struggled with dating and soberity. Anytime i ever took out a girl and it came to sex. I could never bring myself to physical contact with another girl. Sex was impossible. I staryed smoking weed and using lsd. But not in a form of where it consumed my life.

 

I met my current girlfriend (again)Right now i am doing well. Im in school for dental and i have friends and my girlfriend loves me. And i love her. She used to be a close friend to my ex. And she gives me what i couldnt get from my ex. For someone to be devoted to me. If was smart.. I would keep her. We argue alot but i know she would be the safer choice than my ex. But everyday. Every minute. I still think of my ex. my girlfriend is great. But.. Nobody will ever compare to my ex. My body wont let them. When i started dating my girlfriend i had to use viagra just to be able to finally have sex with her because body wouldnt let me. I can have sex again now and dont need viagra anymore but.. I still have trouble because. Its not my ex. My girlfriend is hot but not.. Her. Weve been together for over a year. And she is devoted. I am too but...

 

Im scared i will never be rid of my ex. She is dating a japanese guy and staying with him i. Japan now. But. I know shes coming home soon. And i am planning on twlling her i still love her. I dont know what to do. My girlfriend will be crushed. I will be crushed because i hurt her. I dont even know if my ex still has feelings. But this is something that wont go away. It will probably ruin my current relationship. But i cant deny it anymore. I still love her. Also my ex seems happy with her new bf but.. I know he cant be better than i was to her...

 

None of them were. Its crazy but thats how i think. Theres nobody who loves her as much as i do. I am not suicidal anymore or depressed. It was a hard part of my life and i have worked through it. But now i am becoming something new and better. But the o ly thing i feel is missjng everyday. Every minute is her. I could learn to live without her. It would never be what i want but if it was a perfect world. I would want her to be mine.

 

Just to clarify.. My love my girlfriend. We have differences but i love her. I treat her the best i can. I swore to always be kind and loving towards her. We are getting more serious everyday. And as that makes me happy.. My past with my ex is ringing louder and louder everyday. I cant lie to myself anymore. I do still love her. I know this all seems crazy and i seem like some drug addict . But its not like that. Im sober for over a year. I summarized the past 6 years of my life. 16-19 was tough for me. I have become a great person. Stable. Im proud of who i am. Im not ashamed to state what i have done wrong. Im dealing with this everyday and i dont know the best course of action. Im really torn in half by it all. I dont feel good either way. Theres a break in the road. I must decide.

 

What do i do.. Thank you for reading this storm of a story.

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Why did you repost this exact same story? Were you not satisfied with the answers you got from your original post?

I added more info to clarify. And i was told i should format it better. I hope to just get more answers. So it can help me figure out what to do. This is my first time using something like this so hopefully this one gets more answers because of better format.

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I think this is kinda sick,you are obsessed with this ex,why even start a new relationship when you feel so about the ex? so unfair,dump your gf already now

 

and then get some help

Gosh.. Youve obviously never been left by someone you truly loved. I cant help but think about all the good times i had eith my ex. They were the happiest moments of my life. I tired moving on. Im not an a bad person because of that.. The feelings just arent leaving ..

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Gosh.. Youve obviously never been left by someone you truly loved. I cant help but think about all the good times i had eith my ex. They were the happiest moments of my life. I tired moving on. Im not an a bad person because of that.. The feelings just arent leaving ..

 

I have been left by someone I truly loved. I stayed single for three years. I got her out of my system before I dated again. Because that's what you do. You don't rope in someone else just to fill a void if you can't commit to them fully.

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You're doing a disservice to your current girlfriend by stringing her along as your second choice. She deserves someone that'll put her first forever - not just when it suits them, and only when an ex isn't in the picture.

 

Sometimes we love someone so completely that it swamps every other love we can be receptive to. But the relationship ended for a reason, and you were a very toxic person during and after it. She had a lot of problems she was dealing with, too. Perhaps you were each other's crutch during this time, and the experience made each of you better people in the end - because you had to go through a lot to get to where you are today.

 

I think trying to go back into that situation would be very detrimental for you. You're not the same person you used to be. Not to mention, she isn't even single. She's with someone else now. You're being very selfish when considering telling her how you think you feel. No one benefits from this but you. And even then, you don't even know that it'll be a good thing.

 

I highly recommend that you break it off with your current girlfriend, leave your ex alone, and be single for some time. Do you even know who you are single?

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You and your ex together was a toxic combination. You went on a downward spiral. Did you start going out with your girlfriend after you were sober? If you argue a lot and all you think of is your ex who you have on a pedestal, even though she was the worst thing for you, I suggest that you break up and you attend AA like clockwork, you continue with your sobriety and you also seek counseling. You are obsessed. And are you under a doctors/mental health professionals' care right now?

 

Think about it - if you care about your ex, why ruin her life? What is she supposed to do with that confession? She is seeing someone else. It will upset her at best and you will get a restraining order at worst.

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