No contact

[mjoao93]

My coworker and I who previously slept together were just friends at work. I told him previously I had feelings for him but he said he couldn't proceed because he had a gf, so just friends. Fine. However , another female coworker confessed to me that he was saying bad things about me behind my back such as he only talks to me at work because he has to and doesn't associate with me on a personal level, and I was obsessed and in love with him and won't leave him alone. Mind you, he is the same one who gets jealous if I'm even just having a friendly conversation with another man. So anyway, he is not mad at the girl who told me all the information, but is mad at me for telling him to stay away from me after I found out what he said. We have not been speaking since , but at work he discussed a trip they are taking together to Miami in December, with his sister (the girl has a bf as well ). He said it in front of me and constantly flirts with my best friend in my face. It hurts because I still do have feelings for him and I know the trip is not innocent at all. I really don't know if he's doing it for jealousy purposes or not but it's annoying and it's hurting my feelings. I got to the point where I was considering quitting the job. Why is he doing this and what should I do? Why would a man with a gf be taking a trip out of town with another woman who happens to be the same one who snitched on him? And why the hell do I have to know about it?

[RainyCoast]

i'm sorry. i have experienced a similarly frustrated vengeful male at work. he started to act a lot like this schmuck after i turned him down, even though i kindly explained i'm fresh out of a relationships and am not in the best place. despite seeing how pathetically they need to build their male factor up, it's still hurtful.

 

keep your cool. ice cold dignity and no notice of him whatsoever. he'll probably flirt outrageously with 90% of the females there.

 

people aren't dumb though. a taken guy who hits on anything with b00bs and trashtalks women behind their back is usually considered quite pathetic. the women will also start recting coldly to his flirting when they catch him talk badly about someone who doesn't show any interest in him and no frustration for him and never even mentions him.

 

let him dig his own hole.

 

it's hard to stay cool until your shift ends. sometimes i barely held it in and burst into tears the moment i walked through the front door. it gets easier though, they continue their pathetic displays, the women get tired with them and start talking, the guy starts to look sulky from all the rejection and seems to back away from everyone just keeping to his cubicle...

 

weather the storm. what a jerk.

 

p.s. if your best friend is flirting back...you need a new best friend.

[leseine7]

I'm a little confused by the timeline - you hooked up with him WHILE he had a girlfriend? And they have since broken up? Or, is he still with her, while stabbing you in the back, AND planning trips and flirting with other women? haha.

 

Regardless, anyone who would backstab a woman he has slept with, saying that she is 'obsessed with him', etc., is a complete and total loser and you need to cut contact and get over him ASAP. If he continues to spread lies/ rumors about you at the work place, that is harassment and should be reported to HR. You can simply say "I've said before to leave me alone, and you continue to spread lies/bully me, so if you do not stop I will be forced to report it.'

 

And your last question - which I just caught - 'why would a man with a gf be taking a trip out of town with another woman...' THIS IS THE POINT. Why would a man with a gf be sleeping with you? You can't be surprised that he acts like a jerk considering he is, well, a cheating lying jerk. Also, I imagine the reason he calls you obsessed with him and spreads lies is because he anticipates YOU ratting him out for cheating on his gf and wants to make you look like some unstable obsessive person so that he will look innocent.

 

Man, he's a piece of work. Do not let him get to you. There is a special place in hell for guys like this one.

[mjoao93]

He told me he had a girlfriend AFTER we slept together. And according to him they are still together and he has no plans of ever leaving her.

[SherrySher]

Just don't contact him, ever. He really is a complete jerk who enjoys messing with women's heads. This isn't high school...it's a work environment. That being said he can't get away with making your job difficult to be at without repercussions. Let him know this. He either stops the harassment, or you report it. There is no reason for him to be bringing this into a work place.

Do yourself a favour and keep your head held high and don't give him the time of day, ever. He is not worth it and only knows how to play women and hurt them.

[greta96]

He told me he had a girlfriend AFTER we slept together. And according to him they are still together and he has no plans of ever leaving her.

 

Well, there you have it! I'm not sure why are you wondering why is he doing everything he's doing, because this seems to be the kind of person he is! If he had no issues cheating on his girlfriend with you, of course he sees no problem cheating on her with someone else too. This is what happens when you fall for someone and rush into having sex with them before getting to know them first;important info about them and their status gets missed and mistakes get made.

You were just a side piece, just like this other woman he is currently flirting with. He doesn't care about your feelings, or hers, or anyone else's, because the only one he cares about is himself and his selfish desires. Don't expect him to spare your feelings because that's not going to happen, you need to do that all on your own. Either quit the job if that's an option, and you just can't handle seeing him with other women, or if you decide to stay, then just focus on your job and ignore him and that woman and everybody connected to him. Keep your interactions strictly professional, don't seek his company or try putting yourself in situations where you know you'd bump into him, and do your best to separate your professional life from your personal one.

[leseine7]

He told me he had a girlfriend AFTER we slept together. And according to him they are still together and he has no plans of ever leaving her.

 

Yeah... forget this guy. I'm only sorry you have to associate with him. Please tell me you aren't REALLY holding any kind of feelings for him for real? I understand sometimes attraction is difficult to let go of but seriously, this is a huuuge waste of your energy. He's getting his karma soon I promise.

[Wiseman2]

Ignore him completely he's the office romeo/player and will bed anything female, including you, then brag about his conquests. Don't quit your job but block/avoid this guy completely...he's not 'your friend'.

My coworker and I who previously slept together. he had a gf. Why would a man with a gf be taking a trip out of town with another woman who happens to be the same one who snitched on him? And why the hell do I have to know about it?

[leseine7]

Also, if you're in nyc... this guy sounds like my ex. lol. He worked in finance, got a kick out of playing multiple women, made me his 'gf' while traveling/ sleeping with other women he worked with (I found this out later) and still never even apologized for being so terrible. I got over it once I saw all the details of what he lied about. He also made a habit of telling me about all these 'psycho girls who were in love with him' lol. That turned me off, but I realize now he did it in order to cover the tracks when someone would contact me saying he was playing around. Poor guy, sooo many obsessed women in love with him!!! bahahaha....

 

So yeah, don't feel too bad blocking this guy.

[HeartGoesOn]

What's done is done, but this is just one of the consequences of dating in the workplace. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I would take this as a lesson learned, and avoid these potential awkward scenarios.

 

I'm not saying this is your fault, yet I would proceed with caution and refrain from getting involved in the office politics.

[mjoao93]

The situation confused me because we were both drunk when we had sex and he swore up and down that it was just a mistake and he never meant to cheat on his gf because he "loves her". So we only did it once because he claimed he didn't want to be in that situation again and I was "throwing myself at him" and he was drunk so he couldn't control himself. I respected this and backed off and really believed he was regretful. However here we are months later and he's planning an out of town trip with this woman where I'm sure they'll be drinking and he once again will probably be put in a situation where he makes another "mistake" and "cant control himself". With me he told everyone it was a huge mistake and he regretted it so much and he was just drunk, but now he's pretty much putting himself in the same situation with someone else.

[RainyCoast]

yup. calmly let him keep drunkenly tripping and falling into the office vaginas through no fault of his own, poor s0d.

 

two or three more and he'll be the one thinking work has become such hell, he'll be the one worried he can't show up there again.

 

often, drinking or just socializing with colleagues turns out bad. get to know the folk you work with very well before being much more than cordial.

[Wiseman2]

I love this line. I'm drunk and naked with someone but I never meant to cheat, it just happened. Don't worry about his future cheating. Not your problem.

he never meant to cheat on his gf because he "loves her". he was drunk so he couldn't control himself