Jump to content

What could I have done differently for my ex-partner?


Chon

Recommended Posts

My Ex had ideas to work in the health sector but messed up their MA due to an addiction and avoidance. From that moment on wards, things have gone down in a negative spiral for them. They lost direction and motivation to search for work due to anxiety.

 

It's now approaching 2 years and the situation hasn't changed. Whilst they still laugh a lot, I notice that whenever I bring up the idea of searching for work or even volunteering. They see have a lot of anxiety over something like that.

 

Talking about anything job related seem to cause a lot of strain on our relationship so I didn't push it any further, hoping that they would make their own change in their own time.

 

I don't know whether they are depressed, but I wouldn't be too surprised if they were. They just spend a lot of time online now, chatting with friends (laughter - a source of comfort) and effectively trying to avoid reality.

 

I wish I knew how I could have done things differently for them...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When someone is stagnating in an addiction, the best thing you can do 'for' them is to leave them.

 

Living your life 'around' an addict does them no favors. It enables them to stay comfortable exactly where they are with no need to strive for anything better.

 

You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Laughter and joy IS healthy. They arent avoiding reality they just dont want a typical job. If they get paid to cheer up others, who cares. Arent we all a little depressed?

 

If they were paid then that'd be totally fine. I don't really care too much about the money. It's more the fact that interacting with friends has become an escape mechanism rather than an additional aspect of their life. They have made it known that they aren't happy with their life direction at the moment, and that was probably one of the reasons they broke up with me, because our relationship was stagnant and promoted just spending time online not doing much, effectively losing feelings.

 

I just didn't know what to do. All I wanted to do was support them.

 

When someone is stagnating in an addiction, the best thing you can do 'for' them is to leave them.

 

Living your life 'around' an addict does them no favors. It enables them to stay comfortable exactly where they are with no need to strive for anything better.

 

You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

 

One of my biggest regrets was introducing them to the online community (A hobby that I enjoy). Maybe things would have been different if I hadn't gotten into a relationship with them.

 

It does feel like they need to hit rock bottom first, but I'm not sure how that's possible when they are still living with family. I only fear that it'll get worst over the next few years. Now that I'm an ex, I'm technically no longer in a position to support them as well...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • If Only A Narcissist Could Say THIS
      The more you are exposed to a narcissist, the more you struggle with the question: "Why can't this person appreciate the legitimacy of me succeeding?" Dr. Les Carter muses about a statement that you won't hear from a narcissist, but offers strong words of affirmation about how to thrive despite the narcissist's gaslighting.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Surviving & Maintaining The No Contact Rule
      Surviving and maintaining the no contact rule to take your power back so you can attract better and reach your full potential. In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who went through a bad breakup about a year ago. He says that his ex broke his heart into pieces and my work helped him get through a very dark time. He says she is stalking his social media and calls from different numbers, but he has not given into weakness or the urges to let her back into his life. It’s an interesting account of a man’s journey to self-love, self-respect, healing and overcoming a toxic relationship that no longer serves him.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 spiritual habits that changed my life
      5 spiritual habits that changed my life
      • 0 replies
    • When a Man Ignores You - One Text Makes Him Regret It Immediately!
      In this video, I'm going to explain what to do when a man ignores you. I will also explain the reasons why men ignore the women they date and you will learn 2 powerful text messages that will turn things around and make him regret it and change his behavior. Are you Being ignored by someone you care about? IF so, you know it’s one of the most frustrating and difficult situations to deal with especially when you don’t know the reason. That’s why In this video, I’m going to share the reasons why the person you’re dating or interested in might be ignoring you. And I’m going to tell you exactly what to do about each of them.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Johnny Berba's best tips for mental health improvement: taking action reduces anxiety & depression
      In this video, Johnny Berba shares his best tips for conquering anxiety and depression. Maintaining good mental health is not as hard as some people think, it's really about taking small action steps.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...