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What could I have done differently for my ex-partner?


Chon

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My Ex had ideas to work in the health sector but messed up their MA due to an addiction and avoidance. From that moment on wards, things have gone down in a negative spiral for them. They lost direction and motivation to search for work due to anxiety.

 

It's now approaching 2 years and the situation hasn't changed. Whilst they still laugh a lot, I notice that whenever I bring up the idea of searching for work or even volunteering. They see have a lot of anxiety over something like that.

 

Talking about anything job related seem to cause a lot of strain on our relationship so I didn't push it any further, hoping that they would make their own change in their own time.

 

I don't know whether they are depressed, but I wouldn't be too surprised if they were. They just spend a lot of time online now, chatting with friends (laughter - a source of comfort) and effectively trying to avoid reality.

 

I wish I knew how I could have done things differently for them...

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When someone is stagnating in an addiction, the best thing you can do 'for' them is to leave them.

 

Living your life 'around' an addict does them no favors. It enables them to stay comfortable exactly where they are with no need to strive for anything better.

 

You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

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Laughter and joy IS healthy. They arent avoiding reality they just dont want a typical job. If they get paid to cheer up others, who cares. Arent we all a little depressed?

 

If they were paid then that'd be totally fine. I don't really care too much about the money. It's more the fact that interacting with friends has become an escape mechanism rather than an additional aspect of their life. They have made it known that they aren't happy with their life direction at the moment, and that was probably one of the reasons they broke up with me, because our relationship was stagnant and promoted just spending time online not doing much, effectively losing feelings.

 

I just didn't know what to do. All I wanted to do was support them.

 

When someone is stagnating in an addiction, the best thing you can do 'for' them is to leave them.

 

Living your life 'around' an addict does them no favors. It enables them to stay comfortable exactly where they are with no need to strive for anything better.

 

You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

 

One of my biggest regrets was introducing them to the online community (A hobby that I enjoy). Maybe things would have been different if I hadn't gotten into a relationship with them.

 

It does feel like they need to hit rock bottom first, but I'm not sure how that's possible when they are still living with family. I only fear that it'll get worst over the next few years. Now that I'm an ex, I'm technically no longer in a position to support them as well...

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