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Should I just end my friendship with her completely????


Gemini10182

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I overheard the girl that I like having sex???

 

This girl who I have known for 7+ years, we have a lot of the same friends and we talk to each other daily. I started to like her at one point and I told her this and she kind of went on a date or two but then turned me down. She started dating this one guy though and she never told me and I learned through our friends about him. They broke up around Christmas and I was the first one she called and told and talked to about and then from there we started talking even more. I asked her out a few months later but she was dating him again. I tried to give up on her but I wanted to stay friends. But last weekend we went to a friends cabin and she stayed in a room with her boyfriend and I was in the room next to them and it's a small cabin and the doors are only thin plastic sliding door so you can hear stuff. The ended up having sex with in ear shot of me so I could hear everything. At one point I even heard her say "Do you think he can hear us" referring to me. I couldn't take it though since she knows I like her and I'm trying to get over her and she goes and have sex with another guy knowing I can hear them. I wanted to get up and just tear the door down and just beat the guy half to hell, but I couldn't do that so I left the cabin all together and just slept on the deck that night. The next morning I just went in and grabbed my stuff and never said a word to her or even looked at her. Thing is after this I don't think I want to be her friend anymore. I think what she did was mean and very hurtful, I mean she knew I could hear them and that I like her. So what do you think I should do? Ignore her all together, tell her I heard them having sex and ask her why she would do that knowing I could hear her? Maybe I'm overreacting. Girls is this something you would do if you know a guy who liked you was right there and could hear you? I mean that seems like a very hurtful and cruel thing to do to someone right??

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What the hell were you even doing in that situation? You've known her seven years and fancy her, she's turned you down repeatedly and you still persist even when she's with someone else. Walk away, block her on everything, and stop wasting a huge part of your life when you should be looking elsewhere. You can't be friends with someone you want romance with and theyre not reciprocating.

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I get that you are upset but think that your anger is misdirected. You should not have put yourself in that situation in the first place. A weekend getaway in a cabin with her boyfriend...not sure what you expected to happen? You are looking at this as if she purposely tried to offend you. I do think it's time to table the friendship for awhile, so you can move on.

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it is innapropriate to get down to business without even a proper door between you and whoever is right next to you.

 

but. she was simply having sex with her boyfriend. i agree, you put yourself in this situation.

you obviously keep hoping her feelings will change. she isn't obliged to act like her boyfriend and her aren't a couple to spare your feelings.

 

it's not a friendship, it's you orbiting her praying she'll change her mind, fantasizing about beating the life out of her boyfriend and being resentful that she doesn't finally want to date you. there was nothing less to expect from the trip, you knew they're together.

 

 

it's not happening. give it up, distance yourself.

 

with doors/walls that thin, i'm not sure how any of you thought it'd be comfortable that couples and singles sleep right next door.

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Exactly what the posters above said...cut ties, this is not a real friendship.

And I will add, you are way off base when you say you felt like beating the guy "half to hell". Like, really??? If anyone, be mad with her for not trying to spare your feelings, but ultimately be mad with you, for having put yourself in that situation. The guy has nothing to do with this, he is her boyfriend and had every right to be there and have sex with her.

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So you wanted to stay friends, you know that she has a boyfriend and you stay in the same cabin as them. Then when she has sex with her boyfriend, you think that's hurtful and cruel? I don't think so. I can understand that you have feelings for her and hearing what she was doing with someone else hurts you. But this isn't her fault. You knew she was with her boyfriend. Should they change their sexual lives not to hurt you? I would find that very controlling and also you say you wanted to stay friends but this isn't a very friendly expectation, is it? Unless you can take it, I don't think you should remain in this "friend" position.

 

To answer your question, yes, this is something I would do if a guy who liked me was there. If I'm with my boyfriend and if I'm not hiding anything etc, what I do with my boyfriend is my business and others' expectations of what I would do or not do are not my issue. If I "empathetically" change my intimate life with my boyfriend because someone else is platonically in love with me, I believe that would be very unfair to my relationship and to my boyfriend actually. Imagine your girlfriend not having sex with you because someone in the other room likes her? I guess you would question a lot of things about that girl instead of thinking what an empathetic person she is.

 

Whether I choose to have sex with my partner in an environment where we can be heard by others is an individual boundary issue; I would not feel comfortable if I knew other people heard us but that includes anyone be it someone who likes me platonically or a neighbour or a relative. It has nothing to do with the others.

 

So, I can see that you are hurt but I don't think it's cruel of her and I even think the opposite would be rather unhealthy for her own relationship. If you cannot handle this girl having a boyfriend and an adult life, you should not be in places where adults can do these things.

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