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Texted ex gf after one month NC..?


Pokio55

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Idk if this was a bad idea or not but a book how to get an ex back I bought online (sad I know) basically guided me this past rough month to get through my recent break up, I still love my ex even though she broke up with me and I did as the book said and didn't agree to be friends or anything besides on a romantic level, I told her this she didn't have it. I waited a month of NC then the other day over the weekend, I texted her saying I'd like to talk and yadda yadda. Turns out she said i didn't give her "enough time" and she needs time away from me and one month was nothing, she said she's "kinda seeing someone" which could be BS but I don't really care at this point.

Weird but I do still love her and want her back. Our relationship was amazing (2 years) and ever since my begging and pleading after he break up, she's been distant & cold towards me. The book said if women break up with you to act like you don't care agree to the break up and move on never contact them again unless they contact you, I saw this after I already made the mistake to beg & plead (kinda Mother Nature since most guys do this anyways)

Been lost this past month and I check on her social media sometimes it's bad and I get angry at everything she prs, she's acting as if nothing happened and she is completely okay and I'm here all torn apart. Any advice? Did I mess it up by texting her after only a month ?

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She wants more time away from you. She's putting on a show because if you two were in a serious relationship for 2 years, it's still going to bother both parties months after the breakup (at least most people anyway). It's possible she's seeing someone. In that case, just focus on you. If you had a strong foundation, she'll eventually start to miss you. You could restrict her on social media or outright block her to get over what you two were.

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She will not appear vulnerable in social media. She will appear strong, resilient, maybe even a bit crass. Do not confuse social media posts with her most true internal self.

 

She may be seeing someone. So what. She is not seeing you. What are you doing? That's where your mind needs to be : what am I doing? What can I do that makes use of this experience? Can I learn?

 

Have I asked my friends to join me in my next activity?

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I'm not sure what part of NO Contact is hard to understand? I will specify what and why no contact is important after a breakup. I have read every relationship book in the market. It's not even funny. I also based my advice on my past experiences as well. I could seriously write a book myself. Here goes;

 

The reason for no contact; is to help you heal, for BOTH parties to move on. That should be the main focus when doing no contact. Not hopes for the person to come crawling back to you. Doesn't matter if you act nonchalant or not, if she doesn't want to be with you , she doesn't want to be with you. Respect that.

 

Second, you don't want to be playing games to win someone back. There is a reason for every break up, they happened because things aren't working out. Begging and pleading isn't going to get her back.

 

Face the pain, work through your hurts. It will pass in time. If you keep in contact or in hopes to get back together, than that pain will just prolonged because you are using the getting back together idea as a void not to fully feel the pain. Then you will just be more and more hurt to the point of depression (also been there)

 

NO CONTACT MEANING; to avoid at all cost! No, texting, occasional bump ins, calling, congratulating, social media and whatever it takes not to be reminded of the person. You could say well oh, we un-followed each other, well that's bs to me. Un-follow does not mean anything, you could still see each other's posts from friends and etc. You simply block and delete. Then there's the excuse of... well, i'm bigger than that, Just cause we broke doesn't mean we have to block and delete, it's so cruel...yada yada! Answer is, you DO what is in your best interest at the time and your best interest is to block and delete. You could always add again later down the road.

 

Sorry if I sounded harsh, but I feel I need to adress that. I just want to give my honest opinion. Stop having false hopes. You need, to do a clean no contact, including social media. Move on, as in do things to make yourself better. Not in hopes to win your ex girlfriend back. But in hopes to better yourself. When you become a better person, you just never know, a better person might come into your life. Just something for you think about.

 

Forgot to mentioned, once you better yourself and get over the situation, you might not even want to be back together with her anymore. You just don't know until you fully get over her and the relationship. So sorry, sometimes I think it takes honest advice to help steer someone into the right mindset. I've been through so many heartbreaks just to repeat the same mistakes over and and over again. To the point of being jaded. Then I told myself one day, I'm just going to focus on myself and better myself. Taken me years, but the day I learnt to love myself was the day someone came into my life and loved me. It's a cliche but it's very true.

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As hard as it is you have to move on and stop trying. I know this is the last thing you want to heat, I've been there but the more you try to work things out all you are doing is feeding her ego and while you're feeding her ego you will crush your own self esteem it's not worth it. I've tried no contact and followed all those guides and to be honest they don't work. Nothing you can do will change her mind. She has to change her mind by her self. Don't get your hopes up. Cut contact for good . It hurts but it's your only option atleast this way you get to keep your dignity .

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Yes, you messed up. She wants to be broken up with you and does not want to be in a relationship with you and has made that abundantly clear. You need to respect that. I know it sucks, but you need to stop checking in and you certainly need to stop following what she's doing on social media. Keeping tabs on her in social media is not No Contact and makes it extremely difficult to recover.

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The best thing for you is full no contact including blocking/not creeping social media. Also start dating and stop reading junk about getting your ex back, it's hocus pocus, because either she wants you back or not. Stuff like like keeps you stuck in the past.

she said she's "kinda seeing someone" Did I mess it up by texting her after only a month ?
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100% NC is what you need to do. We all feel your pain. We want reality to be other than it is. But you cannot hide from the reality. If she comes back at some point then she comes back. But you must not stake your future on that. Trust me man, I am going through the same thing. 12 weeks no contact. I still think of her loads, multiple times per day. It takes time to get over a relationship when you really thought he/she was the one.

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The best thing for you is full no contact including blocking/not creeping social media. Also start dating and stop reading junk about getting your ex back, it's hocus pocus, because either she wants you back or not. Stuff like like keeps you stuck in the past.

 

^^^^Absolutely.

This "get your ex back" industry is bonkers. People break up for a reason. You cannot see the reasons oftentimes in the rubble in the immediate aftermath of the break up. It needs a few months of distance in order to take a more objective view.

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What really is mind blowing, she's just acting like nothing happened and I don't exist, I just can't understand how as a guy, that a women can just drop a guy that they supposedly was so deeply in love with and after 2 years of non stop talking and hanging out and doing everything together just drop your significant other out of sight completely like they didn't exist. Can someone explain this?

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What really is mind blowing, she's just acting like nothing happened and I don't exist, I just can't understand how as a guy, that a women can just drop a guy that they supposedly was so deeply in love with and after 2 years of non stop talking and hanging out and doing everything together just drop your significant other out of sight completely like they didn't exist. Can someone explain this?

 

The one thing you didn't share is WHY she broke up with you. That could provide some clarity on 'how' she is able to just drop you out of sight completely. Things didn't go from deeply in love and amazing to breaking up overnight. This was brewing, and you missed the signs. What reasons did she give you, assuming she told you?

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It didn't happen overnight. I suspect she has been feeling that way for a while and was probably sparing your feelings. Went through the same thing myself. She loved me still does. She just wasn't in love with me anymore. It blows but let it go get your life back and be happy. Trust me it'll come.

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I personally think she's putting up a wall to protect herself. The whole "acting like nothing happened" on Social Media is a facade and it just proves that she still feels for you because her present behavior is more of a reaction to you rather than something independent. After all, who moves on that fast after being in a relationship for 2 years.

 

You however did mess up with the begging etc (I've done it too) and also with the way you broke the NC- you shouldn't have dived in to heavy relationship issues right away.

 

She might be dating someone else, which is actually a good thing because he's a rebound. Chances are she'll start comparing him with you and if he is not that great of a guy then you automatically have the upper hand. I'd say restart your NC again- maybe this time do a mini 14 day one then try again. This time, when you restart your texting, start with something neutral and positive that has nothing to do with your relationship. Keep it short and don't be too available.

 

Some people might call it mind games, but that's what love is- a tango. Don't rush things, take your time and charm her and who knows, you might be able to win her back.

 

I know how you're currently feeling, hang in there and keep working on improving yourself instead of obsession over her. Things will get better with time.

 

Good luck to you!

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Thank you!! And she broke up with me at first because of her "changed work schedule & had no time for a relationship" which was all just nonsense to me and I took it the wrong way and begged and that just added on to her reasons that she was giving me after because I "wasn't respecting her decisions"

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I personally think she's putting up a wall to protect herself. The whole "acting like nothing happened" on Social Media is a facade and it just proves that she still feels for you because her present behavior is more of a reaction to you rather than something independent. After all, who moves on that fast after being in a relationship for 2 years.

 

You however did mess up with the begging etc (I've done it too) and also with the way you broke the NC- you shouldn't have dived in to heavy relationship issues right away.

 

She might be dating someone else, which is actually a good thing because he's a rebound. Chances are she'll start comparing him with you and if he is not that great of a guy then you automatically have the upper hand. I'd say restart your NC again- maybe this time do a mini 14 day one then try again. This time, when you restart your texting, start with something neutral and positive that has nothing to do with your relationship. Keep it short and don't be too available.

 

Some people might call it mind games, but that's what love is- a tango. Don't rush things, take your time and charm her and who knows, you might be able to win her back.

 

I know how you're currently feeling, hang in there and keep working on improving yourself instead of obsession over her. Things will get better with time.

 

Good luck to you!

It's been about 2 weeks again now lol. I'm def not going to ever start contacting her first again. She said she "needs months before speaking to me again" so I'll keep it that way. It's sad because a loving 2 year relationship turned into us now hating each other and her family hates me because of things she made up to them

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I wouldn't read too much into her saying that she "needs months." She's basically saying she wants to move on, date other people, etc. I wouldn't give her months. I'd give her until she contacts you and says she's changed her mind...however long that would take.

 

Good luck man.

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For whatever reason it became toxic and it will take a long long time to detoxify, no contact/full block is the way to go.

She said she "needs months before speaking to me again" so I'll keep it that way. It's sad because a loving 2 year relationship turned into us now hating each other and her family hates me because of things she made up to them
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