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Hello to start. My wife and I have been together for 21 yrs.. owned several businesses and recently separated. Oct. I found out she was talking to an old class mate for 2 wks and confronted her and whoa, 2wks, SHE fell in love, talks of engagement, lots of pics in our home. Even when we decided to let her back home, the day of she texted him "I will always love you and am going home for the kids not him". Well I tried but could not get over it. She recently had major surgery and being the man for my kids and her I was there. Last week it escalated to the point of putting her out again because she wanted to argue in front of the kids and I refused to. She left with teen kids and tried to have me served with papers for support, well I eluded that. While home, I was served with foreclosure papers, yes, 9 mos of no mtg payments, 5 bounced checks(hers). She won't talk to me, she says we need our space. I decided to move on to another state but I indeed miss and want her back, yeah yeah I know why rt? Shes my soul mate, I can't function rt now w/out her. She has no money but I do. I refuse to give or support her in any way if she wants support and won't even give it a chance. Whats a man to do, thanks???

The silent game is a killer!!#

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Shes my soul mate

 

One of many thousands of potential soul mates scattered around the globe.

 

Give her support because it's for the kids. It really "sucks" (American) but it's one of those stupid rules that you must make yourself do, because the money is, we're hoping actually for the kids, not her.

 

Do that so that you can't give people ammo to judge you by.

 

edit - as for the wife, or whatever. Well that stuff happens from time to time. Don't try and work it out, it'll do your head in. I would highly recommend you don't want her back. It's just chemical addiction. If you do want her back, you're quite silly in my opinion.

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You know, I always wondered when you pay support, that it is going towards the kids and not your ex's self-interests. I guess there is no way of knowing, is there?

 

Yeah exactly, like I say, you do it and write it off. Just so that you can't be accused of not doing it, but in the addition to the hope that it actually goes to the kids.

 

We've always had this problem, it's just one you've got to grin and bear for now.

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I'm going to support the kids at least that's what I hope it's for but several times before money was sent to them for Xmas etc. They never got it!! So I will wait for the courts to say when till then it's just a gift. 16 and 17 yrs old they know what to do

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I'm going to support the kids at least that's what I hope it's for but several times before money was sent to them for Xmas etc. They never got it!! So I will wait for the courts to say when till then it's just a gift. 16 and 17 yrs old they know what to do

 

What do you mean they never got it?

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Just remember this when your kids won't have anything to do with you. You won the war, but did it by leaving your kids going without.

 

Yup, winning at the expense of your kids is really low. I remember my dad did that all the time. * eye roll* I dunno could be part of the reason talk to him twice a year. And respect my mom because sometimes she didn't eat so my brother and I could.

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Just remember this when your kids won't have anything to do with you. You won the war, but did it by leaving your kids going without.

 

Who's to say that the kids won't side with him instead of her? She was the one that was close to cheating, not him.

 

I guess that "pay me a bunch of money or I'll make your kids hate you" is a great racket, if you can get it...

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I am extremely confused. How can the mortgage be nine months late? Don't you pay the mortgage? When she said "she is going home" it implies you were living in the marital home not her?

 

Were the kids living at the grandparents?

 

Also, if they are teens, how could she "take" them - its not like she grabbed an infant and ran, or bundled up a toddler..

 

And why on God's green Earth would you move out of state right now unless work made you? What about your kids? Yes, you look like you are abandoning them if you are not divorced and there is no custody agreement. If you just decided to up and go, that looks very bad.

 

Hello to start. My wife and I have been together for 21 yrs.. owned several businesses and recently separated. Oct. I found out she was talking to an old class mate for 2 wks and confronted her and whoa, 2wks, SHE fell in love, talks of engagement, lots of pics in our home. Even when we decided to let her back home, the day of she texted him "I will always love you and am going home for the kids not him". Well I tried but could not get over it. She recently had major surgery and being the man for my kids and her I was there. Last week it escalated to the point of putting her out again because she wanted to argue in front of the kids and I refused to. She left with teen kids and tried to have me served with papers for support, well I eluded that. While home, I was served with foreclosure papers, yes, 9 mos of no mtg payments, 5 bounced checks(hers). She won't talk to me, she says we need our space. I decided to move on to another state but I indeed miss and want her back, yeah yeah I know why rt? Shes my soul mate, I can't function rt now w/out her. She has no money but I do. I refuse to give or support her in any way if she wants support and won't even give it a chance. Whats a man to do, thanks???

The silent game is a killer!!#

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I guess that "pay me a bunch of money or I'll make your kids hate you" is a great racket, if you can get it...

 

Unfortunately it's the rules. Best thing one can do is get oneself an improved model, move on, and keep a clean slate and honour as regards the kids. Well that's what I'd be aiming for in this situation anyway.

 

I would say this is one rule we can't really break and come out of it looking good at all.

 

OP - I'm fascinated by this "Brought pics into the home" bit - do you mean she brought pictures of her and him into your house? If not, then what were they?

 

Seems like there's a few points here you have to clear up, your stuff's not really making sense currently.

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Unfortunately it's the rules. Best thing one can do is get oneself an improved model, move on, and keep a clean slate and honour as regards the kids. Well that's what I'd be aiming for in this situation anyway.

 

I would say this is one rule we can't really break and come out of it looking good at all.

 

OP - I'm fascinated by this "Brought pics into the home" bit - do you mean she brought pictures of her and him into your house? If not, then what were they?

 

Seems like there's a few points here you have to clear up, your stuff's not really making sense currently.

 

I thought it meant she had taken a few photos of herself and the new guy inside the family home, with it clearly apparent that the photos were snapped inside the house or on the property, but maybe your reading of it is correct.

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I thought it meant she had taken a few photos of herself and the new guy inside the family home, with it clearly apparent that the photos were snapped inside the house or on the property, but maybe your reading of it is correct.

 

What, you mean inside the OP's house?

 

If a man came into my home like that and posed with my wife for a photo while having an affair with her, well. I should jolly well be taking umbrage with the fellow. As well as chucking my wife out.

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Unfortunately it's the rules. Best thing one can do is get oneself an improved model, move on, and keep a clean slate and honour as regards the kids. Well that's what I'd be aiming for in this situation anyway.

 

In my opinion, the best thing one can do is not get married and have kids in the first place.

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