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Ex-GF stringing along guys


Chon

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Important note: This is all online-friendship interaction with people who live in different countries.

 

It's probably none of my business what she wants to do any more but this is so different to what I've known of her. She's one of the nicest people I met so this behaviour just doesn't make any sense at all.

 

She wants to be friends with other people. She wants to be able to joke with guys the way guys joke with each other (i.e. pretending to want each others booty). To her, it feels like a double standard why guys can joke with others like that, and she can't without it leading to some unnecessary complicated scenario where they start liking her. To her, she just sees these guys as friends, however as an outsider, it's clear as day light that these guys have an interest in her. Hanging around all the time and chatting into the late night doesn't seem normal for a strictly platonic friendship.

 

I wish I could just wake her up about it all. Is she in denial? Is she just naive? Is this just a result of general depression with her life? Is it a reaction to our relationship dying? (We broke up mutually when we both realised that she had more fun chatting with these friends.)

 

Maybe it's none of my business any more even though we had been together for 6 years. Yet, I feel like if I were to behave in such a manner, I'd want someone close to me to point out how I'm behaving. To her I'm just lecturing, and I guess she's right, but that's only because I don't want her to go down this path and I know that she herself would not approve of this behaviour if was other people.

 

Question by her...

"So people can't be friends with other people just because they like you?"

 

I think people can be friends but only when people have understood that there's nothing in the joking and spending time together.

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Sigh. I guess I can't really accept the fact that she's attention seeking - it's so different to what I know of her...

but it's so obvious now that I write it out that there is at least an element of unconscious desire even if it isn't conscious.

 

This wouldn't even be an issue if her life wasn't such a mess at the moment.

Unemployment and anxiety around job-search,

General boredom

Loss of close friendship groups

 

I don't know how to support her any more without it all coming across as lectures. It's currently all escapism/denial behaviour... Maybe she will wake up one day herself without me needing to point out these things since she reacts badly to it.

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you have have to stop focusing on what she is up to and start focusing on you and your life. What she does is her business . As you have said your not together anymore. I know you still care but whIle you are focused on her your still fixated on what was and you won't move forward this way. Make a life for yourself and think about that.

 

She will figure it out for herself. Your lecturing hasn't worked so quit. Your wasting your breath. People only learn by their own mistakes

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