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Getting back together


anon56

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4 days later... Following my previous thread:

 

After 2 months of LC..... i was planning to transition to NC.

 

Tell the ex or girl/guy who has said they “just want to be friends” or have found someone else (say this from a place of LOVE) want you, I adore you, you mean the world to me, etc.” What ever you authentically feel for them, say it from your HEART. Then say “I’m not interested in just being friends, being your male girlfriend (say this if you are a guy), etc.” “I want you, but I just can’t do the friends only thing. I can’t be around you and not be able to touch, kiss and have you. So if you don’t want the same thing, then we don’t need to see each other anymore. I don’t want you to call me unless you want me. If you do, then you better come over and show me. I don’t want to hear about what you are going to do in the future, just come over and show me. Otherwise its been wonderful getting to know you. I wish you all the best, but I am not willing to settle for anything less than what I want. I’ve got too much to offer.” - Corey Wayne

 

 

Following Corey Waynes suggestion on ultimatum and given that its been 3 months since my relationship ended, i ended up wording a ultimatum similar to the above. I got a response from her saying that she felt pressured and felt things havent changed (Supposely in translation for women thats"i still feel your a needy b"..).

 

I smiled, shrugged it off and told her my purpose was not to pressure her and that i needed to know where we stand or so that i could move on. She ended up saying that we could go on a date on monday, however i dont even feel like going to the date anymore after she responded with all this. "i dont want anything serious" bullS. Which isnt what i asked for, so it brings me to my own question, "then why bother dating her again?". She reminded me of a conversation we had like a month ago where she described feeling something for someone else, a stranger. Yet she said she didnt know if it was attraction or inlove, but that she wanted to feel that certain feeling again.

 

I told her id confirm for the date on monday later today. She reitirated that she appreciates me a lot, but is completely sure she wants to remain single for now. She says that love and attraction cant be forced and would love to feel that for me at some point but doesnt anymore.

 

Keep in mind during the breakup i have been dating women, and she hasnt been seeing anyone, my level of attraction and love for her dropped since i have other women in my life now, but i still want reconciliation with her. I am pretty sure of this, already have asked myself why etc, had plenty of time to reflect. She also posted a sad song on monday where the lyrics described of a person who took someone for granted and now hes gone, etc etc. im sure she knows shes messing it up.

 

So what now ealone? Is she still stringing me along or does she really want reconciliation?

 

tldr: Possibly have a date on monday, very awkward situation. Am i being strung along?

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Unfortunately she doesn't want to get back together as gf/bf, sounds like she's offing friend-zone at best. Ultimatums never work which is why she gave you the "she felt pressured and felt things havent changed" response.

a ultimatum similar to the above. I got a response from her saying that "i dont want anything serious"
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Unfortunately she doesn't want to get back together as gf/bf, sounds like she's offing friend-zone at best. Ultimatums never work which is why she gave you the "she felt pressured and felt things havent changed" response.

 

Im not taking that deal, i already have told her i wasnt. Should i just call the date off with being busy and have her look for me. If she doesnt want to be gf/bf why is she offering to see me, knowing that i have previously told her we wouldnt go out as friends?

 

If i were to kindle reattraction with her, where do i go from here?

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If she doesnt want to be gf/bf why is she offering to see me, knowing that i have previously told her we wouldnt go out as friends?

 

She already told you: because she felt pressured and probably a little guilty.

 

It's been 3 months, you're seeing other women why are you clinging to someone who very clearly does not want a relationship with you? She's made it pretty clear that friends is the most she is willing to be. It's time to follow through on your ultimatum and go NC. If you had done that 3 months ago you would be well on your way to being over it by now.

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You need to listen to what she is saying to you and believe it. No reconciliation, no romantic feelings. You are pressuring her and this acceptance of a "date" is likely due to feeling guilty or out of pity but not to reconcile. That is not the kind of date you want. Stop reasoning in your mind that she feels the opposite of what she's actually telling you. Time to start nc so you can get over her. No to the date.

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Because you asked and she thinks you can be 'friends' or just tell you again why it won't work because she thinks you need 'closure'.

 

Ok i will cancel the date not expecting her to chase me, but because i want to keep dignity and not willing to settle for friends. She already sent me like 20 texts asking me about random sh.. school stuff etc, its like she thinks we are okay again after LC.

 

I would love to try to go on the date with the expectation for sex and leading to reconciliation but im not even sure if it will go that way, by the sounds of everyones comments it won't. NC is hard especially when sometimes she gives me mixed signals for reconciliation but straight up tells me she doesn't want anything serious or a relationship.

 

Since her words regularly don't match her actions, id hate to throw away a opportunity to get back with her because of this.

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You need to listen to what she is saying to you and believe it. No reconciliation, no romantic feelings. You are pressuring her and this acceptance of a "date" is likely due to feeling guilty or out of pity but not to reconcile. That is not the kind of date you want. Stop reasoning in your mind that she feels the opposite of what she's actually telling you. Time to start nc so you can get over her. No to the date.

 

Do you honestly think she's doing this out of guilt or pity, thats pretty sad. She told me she wanted us to get to know each other all over again, doesn't this mean she wants to try to see where it leads to?

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That's what Tinder is for

 

Mainly reconciliation, i can easily get from tinder, but i suppose once she decides she doesn't want something serious, its just something personal and nothing to do with me, correct?

 

 

Also, do i reply to her 20 texts about random things during the day or straight up just ignore or say that im taking time for myself.

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She called your bluff, man. This is why all these coaching, get your ex back things are often bad news...not only do they not work, but they make the dumpee put themselves out there unnecessarily, and dumpees are often not great at follow through.

 

You said you can't be friends, and now you're sticking around. The date is likely more guilt and pressure and pity (and likely missing you and caring about you) but doesn't seem to have much to do with attraction or wanting to. You seem very keen on reconciliation, and are ignoring what she's saying about not wanting it.

 

I would cancel the date. It's not going to go how you want it to, and if anything, it risks setting you back considerable and reopening all of these wounds.

 

Walk away from this. She knows what you want and knows where to find you if she changes her mind. Sticking around isn't going to change anything.

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