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How to know when you're ready to date again ?


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It's been almost a year since I moved out last August.

I have mostly good days but still many memories and sometimes it still hurts.

The last few days I have felt like I want to start dating again sooner rather than later. I felt confident.

I went ahead and made a profile with a popular dating app. Of course, the first profile I see is his lol. It didn't bother me. I had heard he had a new relationship but I guess not if he's on the app, although i suspect he was on apps even during our relationship so who knows. That's not the point. I have no interest in going back to him even if he were to reach out.

I've talked to a few men. Most are perfectly nice but no real solid connections. One asked me to do something this weekend but I was not feeling it. He's much older than me.

I'm just not excited by anyone. It's starting to make me feel less confident that I am ready. But I don't really know how to tell when I am ready. Do I need to be completely over the ex before I date again ? I am not there yet. I want to be, I'm just not yet. Should I maybe just meet up with anyone who asks (if they are in my age range ) and see how I feel in person ?

Friends are starting to pressure me as well. I've heard more than once that it's already been almost a year and I should be moving on by now. Well, clearly I am a slow learner or something.

So how do I know if Im ready to date ? Just date. Just meet people. I'm in no rush to be in a committed relationship right now.

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You are not ready for someone else until the doors are completely closed with someone from the past, and clearly, you need more time. Despite what your friends say. there is no time limit on pain or mourning and it differs for everyone. You will get there, but give yourself a bit more time.

The biggest mistake to make is to try and replace someone for someone else. It's not healthy and not the way to start off anything.

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Just go with your gut feel and do what you think is ok.

 

You tried a dating app/site and it didn't feel right. You can always come off there and try again later. I think some folks have to replace one relationship with another, without perhaps giving themselves time alone (which must feel damn scary).

 

Sometime/someday there will be someone out there who excites you. Don't give up on that thought, and don't settle for second-best in the meantime ;-)

 

Good luck!

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The fact that you saw your ex's profile and didn't crumble into a puddle of tears or feel sad or hurt, in fact it seems like you felt nothing, makes me think that you're over him.

 

I don't see your OP as "harping on about the ex". I mean, you saw his profile, it's ok to acknowledge it.

 

Online dating is a numbers game, you likely won't immediately meet guys you're interested in. I suggest you actually meet the guys you think are nice rather than trying to gauge connection through online. Personally, I've hardly ever felt a connection with people when I started talking to them online. There are men I think we got along quite well and have a lot to say, so I would meet them in person to decide if we actually have chemistry. Also stick to your criteria, if you're not interested in men much older than you, then don't waste their time talking to them.

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I feel like I'm in the same position as you, I've talked to a few online and have met one man a couple of times, I don't think he is the man I will grow old with but to be honest I don't want a heavy relationship just now and he seems on the same page. So I say go for it, it's given me a wee bit more confidence and brought a little extra fun into my life!

Get out there and have some fun!

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You're ready. Traces of your old relationship will hang on for a while, that's normal. But you're ready to date.

 

Just because the guys your meeting aren't sweeping you off your feet isn't an indication you're hung upon your ex.

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Agreed, you're ready. Not falling apart when you saw your exes profile is huge IMO.

 

I think the excitement will come with time. I'm talking to a guy now, finally, that I'm excited to meet. I've been doing the OLD thing for like 3 months now, so...

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Yes, that's how you get back into life and the dating game. It may take a while but you have to meet and see. Good Luck!

Should I maybe just meet up with anyone who asks (if they are in my age range ) and see how I feel in person ?
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UPDATE

I started talking to a really nice guy on the app who lives near me.

I accepted his invitation to meet for dinner and oh my goodness was that fun!

Not a love connection, but that is ok. He was a ton of fun to talk to and we have a lot in common. I think we will definitely see each other some more.

It was just soooooo nice to get to go out and talk to and get to know a man again.

And don't get me wrong - I knew before we met up that this wouldn't be a full blown relationship as he won't be living here longterm. I still wanted to get to know him in person though and I am glad I did!

I honestly feel better than I have since the break up just because I now feel confident that I can really get over this completely and move on with my life!

Thanks for all the responses!

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Glad you are feeling better!

 

I would also encourage you to get out from behind a phone app or a computer and try to meet men for dating in real life settings. It helps create more excitement for you about the experience because it's in person.

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Excellent, now you are back in the game and hitting your stride.

I started talking to a really nice guy on the app who lives near me. It was just soooooo nice to get to go out and talk to and get to know a man again.

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It pleases me that you are not latching on to the first guy you see, but rather have the discernment that it MIGHT not be a match, but you had fun and gained confidence. When I was divorced, I got onto a dating site with no picture - just to sort of look around to reinforce to myself that there were men out there when I was ready, etc.

 

I think that i would speed date/join meetups just to meet more people/make your personal network bigger as well.

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