Jump to content

Approaching on the street (or probably not)


Zaphod

Recommended Posts

Bah.

 

Isn't it frustrating how you can't really stop a woman on the street and ask her out without ever having really spoken?

 

There's a lovely woman around my way who I've passed a few times. She works in the local cake shop, she's foreign, has rubbish English. No ring on finger. Seems, well, a little shy I guess.

 

Not going to talk to her in work, she has her superiors watching.

 

Not going to stop her on the street. She doesn't know me. Apart from having clocked me a few times passing each other in the street. She gave me a smile once.

 

She really gives me the hots, forgive my language. She's "different" as they say. I am partifcularly picky too, or so I'm told.

 

When I put myself in her position, I'm not sure I'd react favourably to some random bloke coming up to me on the street and asking me out for a coffee. In bar culture, we can approach in a bar, but street approaches have always befuddled me somewhat. I have done it a couple of times, with actually not unfavourable results. But one of them had just cut my hair, and the other one I'd bumped into at a pub 10 minutes earlier.

 

Looks like I'm paralysed then, ain't got no options. I don't really have a problem chatting up women to be honest, but cold approaches I never really bought into or got the hang of. I do need a window of some sort.

 

Damn. Never seen her in any of the local establishments, or anywhere at all, apart from work, street, work, street. Just zero windows there of opportunity. And she doesn't look like she has time to stop, a kind of efficient, focussed air she has about her, which only increases the attraction for me for some strange reason. In order to stop her, I'd actually have to deliberately stop her in her tracks. I dunno, doesn't seem appropriate somehow.

 

I wonder whether she's writing this about me on another forum? Hahah - She could be saying to her mates "There's this really nice guy, I wish he'd stop me and talk to me" or "There's this right leering prat who keeps smiling at me", but has she noticed me at all, is the question. Am I on her radar?

 

The dilemma - Make an approach with almost zero chance of success, or just let her off the feeling awkward hook and just - you know, let it go. Should we just think "Life's short, approach her" or should we think "Don't approach her, she doesn't know who you are"? It always confuses me, that one. And invariably I end up not bothering due to it not feeling "right" somehow. Is this in my head?

 

If anyone's got thoughts, or hints/tips then I'd love to hear them, but I guess this is just letting off a bit of steam. It always really annoys me when we see someone we like, but there is no appropriate window there for an introduction.

 

I don't really like cake either. And they're expensive. Buying cake in order to get to know her could prove to be very expensive, and also rather fattening.

 

My compass is out on this one, give me a nudge in the right direction, please. And in return, I promise that if I marry her, not only will you get an invite, but I'll make sure there's loads of cake.

 

Apologies for the yawningly wordy post, but y'know - at least I know how to use a paragraph

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 124
  • Created
  • Last Reply
I would be buying lots of cake.

 

Every week a new cake. "Oh this one is for my friends birthday." "Ah, my cousin is moving a way and we are having a going away party." "I need a cake that has a pretty ladies number on it. Maybe yours?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you know if she has noticed you at all?

It might be weird if you came out of no where, but if she has passed you by and noticed a time or two as well there could be an opening line there.

 

That's where I'm 50/50. One time, she gave me the most gorgeous smile, but you know, does she actually kind of recognise me? I'm not sure. Perhaps I ought to try a simple matter of fact "Hello" in passing, see what she does. Maybe ratchet this one up gradually.

 

I would be buying lots of cake.

 

Sorry man, I added loads of waffle about cake on the end of my post in an edit. Joking aside, it's the having her superiors watching bit - I have chatted up girls in shops, but only when they're on their own serving. Actually I've done it in a supermarket too, somehow it worked better than I thought. But for this one, I don't really want to put her on the spot to be honest. Her boss is literally by her side all the time, I think he may be a bit of a micromanager. Also, it's a small shop , do you see what I mean?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just start by saying "Hello"; then, depending on her response, increase the amount of conversation over a period of time. Don't try to do this too suddenly, or it's likely she'll feel threatened. It'll take time, but is cheaper and less calorific than cake.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do they sell cupcakes?

 

Hmm... ok. You reckon go for the small stuff. Interesting.

 

However, we still have the problem of the micromanaging boss and also the woman in question's crappy English. If she was English, I reckon I'd have this cracked by now. Perhaps I can link cake to coffee somehow and then take it from there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just start by saying "Hello"; then, depending on her response, increase the amount of conversation over a period of time. Don't try to do this too suddenly, or it's likely she'll feel threatened. It'll take time, but is cheaper and less calorific than cake.

 

This is I think the wavelength I'm on with this one. "Ratcheting" as I referred to before.

 

So try a jaunty "Hello", but not actually stopping, see what the reaction is, right? Yeah I'm with you. And then maybe "Hello, how are you?" next time, and so on and so on?

 

If it was an easier atmosphere in her shop, yeah I would be in there buying cake and whatnot, but I don't want to get her into trouble.

 

So yeah I guess my position here is - faced with zero window, one has to ratchet up the communication very slowly due to lack of familiarity. Yes I think I understand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm gonna shoot for the "hello" and "wave" thing maybe. Also, maybe it's worth popping back in the shop to *ahem* check out the goods properly. No I am talking about the cakes, do the Wiseman2 "cupcake" thing or see maybe they have flapjacks? I like those.

 

Yeah ok guys, I am actually a bit clearer about this now. Interesting to hear other opinions, just to give a little pointer in the right direction in such tricky situations.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree if they sell smaller items in the shop (cupcakes, pastries, etc.) stop in and purchase something. Make polite casual conversation with her or with her boss if he/she steps in (as that might happen if her English is indeed not so great) and flash a nice smile in her direction. Chat about how you live nearby or pass by the area often or whatever fits your reality. Then the next time you see her on the street it will be easier to say hello and possibly mention how good the item was you purchased, and possibly move on from there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sod's law I get to talk to her and she turns out to be an idiot or a member of the national front or something. Don't let it be so! Or she thinks Adele is a really good singer, or something equally as distasteful. But hey, let's not judge her before we speak to her.

 

National front member masquerading as cake shop employee. Well, that'd be a first, anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Until recently, I lived right on the seafront in a coastal town in the UK; it meant that I often saw the same people regularly - other people who lived on the same street.

 

The level of recognition went from nod of acknowledgement, to 'Hello', to stopping for a chat about whatever, to join them for a drink if sitting at a pavement café, to invitations to come in for tea/drinks/dinner and much longer chats. It takes a while, but once a level of trust has built up then invitations which would be really creepy from a stranger seem quite natural.

 

I wasn't looking for a relationship with any of them, but it could have gone that way if I had been.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Next week there will be a thread in somewhat broken English called "Does he like me?".

 

That's what I was thinking.

 

"I work in cake shop and silly man not coming in for cupcake and coffee date. What I do?"

 

Ok everyone, quick, add "cake shop" to your email alerts. Any updates, PM me. Commission given, upon success, obviously, in cakes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is the best advice you can get for this type of situation right here:

 

Right now youre afraid of rejection. In order to get past that fear you have to fail. To the point it doesn't bother you and you have nothing to lose. Of course it's scary to fail. But you can't take it personally when a girl says no. Fear is driving your hesitation. It's driving the creation of this thread. Don't be afraid. Don't have regrets.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's what I was thinking.

 

"I work in cake shop and silly man not coming in for cupcake and coffee date. What I do?"

 

Ok everyone, quick, add "cake shop" to your email alerts. Any updates, PM me. Commission given, upon success, obviously, in cakes.

 

Honestly, I'm sure most of us are rolling our eyes, not patting you on the back...

 

If you don't think you can talk to someone, or (gasp) ask them to spend time with you, you're just blowing steam... There's no coaching here, there's no advice... There's no tricks, secrets, hints, or magic confidence-boosting solutions...

 

You just do it... You do it, and you don't make a big deal about it. If you fail, that's it... If you succeed, hooray..

 

Honestly you don't have anything feasible to lose, so just f**king do it and put yourself out of your own self-created misery.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see what you mean (Pixels and Sherry) but let me make it clear, it's not so much an issue of asking a girl out (of which I have no problem) etc. - it's more an issue of making a window where there doesn't appear to be one, to enable that in the first place. Having said that, yeah I have over thought this one as happens to us all from time to time.

 

Usually I'm actually quite cheeky with this kind of stuff, no problem, but dunno... this one threw me for some reason. Usually I actually kind of "meet" them in some capacity and a window presents itself. I'm not too skilled in cold approach, to be honest. Never really had a need for it. Chatting a girl up who serves me is no problem, but I do find myself sensitive to the environment they're working in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BTW by "cold approach" I am talking proper cold like stopping them in the street. Getting served by a woman a few times then chatting to her counts as having been given a window, and not cold anymore, just to clarify.

 

Ironically, I actually have very occasionally stopped women in the street before, with mixed results, but ah... I guess it's been a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

would you consider passing her a note when she is at work. Something like, "hi - I was wondering if i can take you to coffee sometime?" and write down your phone number. (this after you've made some contact with her on other occasions?)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Choosing to Trust
      ‘Trust’ is a philosophical choice. We can be cynical, guarded, and awaiting attack. Or open, positive, and hopeful— BUT prepared for all outcomes. Love Advice discusses the pros and cons of both positions.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Why Your Ex Can’t Make Up His Or Her Mind
      Clay Andrews talks about Why Your Ex Can’t Make Up His Mind. After a breakup, it's really confusing when it comes to getting back together, talking to you or even just being in contact with you. It can also be extremely frustrating how your interactions have been good but your ex is insisting that ex can't be friends and withdraws inexplicably. Had a great time spending time together but still your ex can't make up her mind? By the end of this video, Clay shares some IMPORTANT TIPS on how you can deal when your ex can't make up their mind and how to get your ex back.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Everything You Need to Know About Going "No Contact"
      1. Signs That "No Contact" Is Needed, 2. Understanding "No Contact", 3. The Benefits of "No Contact", 4. Strategies to Make "No Contact" Work, 5. What Makes "No Contact" So Hard?, 6. Why You're Struggling to Stay Away.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 6 Signs You Are Hurting Subconsciously
      Do you value having a positive and optimistic perspective of life, no matter how bad things are? Being overly positive and optimistic can be as bad, or even worse, than having a negative approach to something. After all, lying to yourself is very rarely the best way to approach things and it can be detrimental to your mental health. So, if you're not happy or hurting about something, it is important that you acknowledge it instead of repressing and ignoring it.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 7 Habits That Make You Irresistible
      What are some simple habits that make you irresistible to women, men, and everyone? If you want to be a more attractive person, these easy habits will get you there. Confidence is half the battle - at least.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...