I wanna talk about me

[JamesT2]

Well then, if children are something you want in your life eventually, and you know she doesn't - then I don't think it would be wise to start anything romantic with her.

 

I'd guess not. Early this morning she asked if I wanted to meet tonight but it's almost the monsoon here, and she eventually changed her mind in the late afternoon. I wasn't motivated either. To be clear I'm not head over heels, which make me think that it wouldn't be anything romantic, I remember it was sort of a platonic relationship then, probably the reason we stayed in touch, no resentment, no dramas.

[JamesT2]

Meh, second date with her tonight.. feeling exhausted. She made me drive around quite a bit to purchase a few things for some friend. I kept waiting around, then she was lighting a smoke with say friend. Felt a bit like her cab driver or just the free ride. Not very content about it all. Also she kept calling and calling people when we were actually trying to have a conversation. Yes, that's a lot of red flags in one paragraph. At this point I'm not sure I'd even want a FWB with her... she's overly complicated, too much problem for a guy like me. And that's saying a lot for a barely two hours date.

 

Back to OLD then... hmm, as usual, be patient dude. I have no problem with some good pics and a full profile to chat up some women, who then turn out to never be online again. It's also bad luck because I sometimes have to log off and they log off too when I just sent my number. Silly. Oh well.

[Blue Spiral]

I don't like how she's treating you. I think that you can do better.

 

Don't let her take you for granted...

[JamesT2]

I don't like how she's treating you. I think that you can do better.

 

Don't let her take you for granted...

 

This yesterday's date was a complete mess and I'd rather be alone tonight, if she ever suggest to meet. Nah I'm tired. She texted me very early this morning only to ask if I was sleeping... I did spare you a lot of troubles she's having with other people when she was on the phone all the time last evening.

[Blue Spiral]

This yesterday's date was a complete mess and I'd rather be alone tonight, if she ever suggest to meet. Nah I'm tired. She texted me very early this morning only to ask if I was sleeping... I did spare you a lot of troubles she's having with other people when she was on the phone all the time last evening.

 

Uh-oh...that's never a good sign. Was she telling you about general troubles with people in her life, or just troubles with people she was encountering while she was trying to talk to you on the phone? If it's the former, eesh. When women start telling you about all of their problems--i.e., when they start treating you more like a girlfriend than a boyfriend--it's time to run away. In my experience, if a woman is really into you, she'll try to make her life seem as perfect as possible, and hide her problems. Best foot forward, etc. If a woman is willing to tell you about all of the crap she has to deal with, it can be a sign that she doesn't care if you're attracted to her or not, because she's not into you.

[JamesT2]

Uh-oh...that's never a good sign. Was she telling you about general troubles with people in her life, or just troubles with people she was encountering while she was trying to talk to you on the phone? If it's the former, eesh. When women start telling you about all of their problems--i.e., when they start treating you more like a girlfriend than a boyfriend--it's time to run away.

 

General troubles with people in her life and it's true that it's way to early on even if are trying to reconnect and know each other to listen to all this especially on the first few dates in years.

 

In my experience, if a woman is really into you, she'll try to make her life seem as perfect as possible, and hide her problems. Best foot forward, etc. If a woman is willing to tell you about all of the crap she has to deal with, it can be a sign that she doesn't care if you're attracted to her or not, because she's not into you.

 

Pretty much, men are also like that, we want to show the best part of our personality, humor, intelligence, confidence and so on. I'm usually not much a whiner when I talk to people, especially people or women i just met. A person carrying a lot of baggage or dramas is not appealing. We all have problems in our lives somehow, but I try to remain positive.

[Blue Spiral]

As my ENA posts should make clear, I'm more than fine with whining...but I'm a positive (and mostly silent) person offline. I don't think that women were put here to listen to all of my problems.

 

The fact that she's dumping her problems on you this early, when you could easily walk away...I can only imagine what she'd do if she thought she "had" you. Then again, women don't really have to compete for men, so they may not think about stuff like this.

[JamesT2]

I think she got it, since I didn't reply to her text by Dawn... and didn't hear from her the whole day. Might not be too happy. I should make clear that I'm not willing to put up with more messy dates leading to nothing. She's better off as a friend. And even that...

[Blue Spiral]

Platonic female friends are vastly overrated, in my opinion.

[Mr_LFA]

Platonic female friends are vastly overrated, in my opinion.

Agreed. That's probably why I don't have any lol!

[JamesT2]

I used to have some, but these friendship were eventually doomed because there was a bit or too much feelings for each other. There were a few women i used to hang out with that I could have dated, but when I eventually encountered another woman and started a RS, they faded away.

 

Not so many celibate men are capable of maintaining long term friendship with women.

[WithLove]

I think a truly, honest platonic male/female friendship is very rare. There are almost always more than friendly feelings on one side or the other; even thoughts of attractiveness can skew the friendship line.

 

I don't know if anyone will believe me, but I do have a male friend that I love without having any feelings other than friendship there. He's the cousin of an ex, actually. We bonded right away several years ago and have keep our friendship since. Neither of us were or are attracted to each other, and have not been secretive about that fact. We don't talk daily but do several days a week. I love him, but there's not a word I can think of that describes the love. It's deeper and more personal than a sibling, but without any romantic feelings you'd have for someone of the opposite sex that you're so close to. We have perfect understanding of each other. I guess there's a familial bond there, but the love I have for him is different than the love I have for my family. Maybe it's because we choose to love each other, rather than being obligated to due to family blood.

[JamesT2]

As you said, it's very rare but these are intense and close to romance friendship, unlike you. I wasn't able to keep them more three years, which is already more than every RS I've had, minus the sex. I don't think it was overrated, it was cool and an experience and when both of us were involved in a relationship we tried to show no jealousy.

[JamesT2]

And here I go again after a couple months back to online dating being sick and tired of it already. I didn't miss that but I'm trying nonetheless.

 

Tired of what? As I said in an earlier post it's not that hard targeting women within my own league, both physically and financially /class to get replies. It's not even that hard to have a lengthy friendly chat an evening and exchange numbers and a couple pics to prove that both of us as for real... but what next?

 

Since the beginning of 2016, I've exchanged and communicated through my personal phone about a dozen women, not a single date... yes all women are individuals and unique, want different things I gotcha. I've tried all approaches so to speak: tread carefully, being more pushy, etc. Some women won't agree to a date within the first week we started chatting, I understand that... I'm patient and ALWAYS have to initiate conversation (they NEVER do) and eventually get sick of only getting short and evasive responses, leading as usual to never dating offline, which is what I want. Women like to be valued, men too! Please send us a text someday ! Prove you're also interested otherwise I'm also losing interest!

 

It's the summer, it's time for me to lay off these sites and these people farting around there all day long looking for pen-pals and go chat some women offline, have activities and maybe make friends or acquaintances.

 

That was a bit of an upset, jaded post. No, ladies, I'm not done with you quite yet, just needed to vent a bit.

[Blue Spiral]

I can relate, sadly. I think that the whole thing is more trouble than it's worth. This is just me, but, I think that there are more enjoyable, productive things that you could be focusing on.

 

Prepare for a controversial statement: women are either going to sleep with us or they're not, and there's not a lot that we can do to control it. If they don't like us, we'll never win them over; if they like us, it's practically impossible for us to screw it up. As such, there's no point in putting in too much effort.

[JamesT2]

Blue, I generally agree with you. But I also understand it must be some efforts, as per the saying ''nothing good come easily''. There are a number of things I genuinely enjoy, some hobbies and passions, but ultimately would like to find a partner simply to 'share' our mutual interest in life.

 

Being single, not bad looking, having your sh*t together, your own place and car seem insufficient at this point.

 

I don't know if women are as picky as some men put it. I will just repeat again that they're more in demand. Dozens different guys messages them every day and there's always a bigger fish in the pond. The key is to focus online on a specific woman, show interests and ask for a date asap.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm sure that a relationship takes effort--but I don't know much about those. I'm merely saying that sex is supposed to be idiot-proof.

 

As for pickiness...I think it's pretty clear that women's expectations are drastically going up. (I'm reminded of that Anna Kendrick speech in "Up In The Air".) I wouldn't call that pickiness, per se, but I do think that many women are unrealistic in this area. So are many men, though. Obviously, the difference is that they're more in-demand, just as you said. They can afford to be more demanding, while it's harder for us to pull that off.

[JamesT2]

Ideally, if both women and men would only look for hook-ups, yes, it should be easier. No matter your social circles or the Internet research it's always difficult. Ironically when I'm looking for a RS I (rarely) find sex and vice versa.

 

About pickiness men also make the mistake of thinking they are studs whereas we are not really. We're not as attractive as we think we are or might be when looking in the mirror. Yes, many women are in the same boat, but as we've just wrote they can afford to.

 

Not much to add at the moment about my dating prospect. A conversation every now and then that as always fade over time. Because of distance, because some of these women are in relationships and 'about to breakup' which make it complicated and sketchy. All quiet on this front for now. The other day a woman my age seemed very interested and we chatted even on the phone, she was for real, real pics but lived far away. I suggested a date and was ready for a long drive but she declined and preferred apparently to text incessantly to which I was less responsive after a while until I got an angry text along the line 'you're not interested are you?' Meh.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm not a fan of the incessant texting, myself. Especially when the woman chooses it over her actual physical presence.