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Thank you for reading this but I need your wisdom and help, please. She was the dumper after 7 years together. We broke up last year. We both had good and bad days but we could not let go each other. We were mostly mad every time we were in contact someone was yelling and crying. Last week we had a fight, she stated all my faults and reasons why she doesn't want to be with me, I lost my temper and she hang up the phone. Few days passed by and she sent me a message:

Her: I hear you too. Forgive me too. I hug you and your whole family. We will meet some day and look at each other in the eyes. Sing, go fishing, cook, drive, love, live and breath. Thank you for everything.

Me: (I waited her apology the whole year).I love you more then anything, please come back to me, I will be better for you, I will be the best, I promise. Thank you

Her are already are, let us go, I love you too.

Me are you going don't say goodbye to me, please.

Her already left and that is ok, now I have to go, further. Take care.

Me only I can show you my heart inside that you see and those tears for us, you and me which I hate. Just be happy and when you feel that you are ready call me I will come on the end of the world for you. Go my love. Take care I kiss you.

Why she sent me this, I don't get it. If she doesn't care for me or doesn't love me anymore what is the point. Why didn't she just left without a word, this I would do if I do not care. I am emotionally involved in this, so I can't see clearly what is this. Please help.

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We were in NC for months and I tried to get up, I did. I felt much better before I broke NC that was in March. I told her that I was better much better, but she was down, suffering of depression. I offered her a help she refused, then she called me we were talking, then next conversation ends up with a fight and that was the cycle. I know. I care for her and love her. It was a long time to move on, but something brings me to her, I can't explain. Do you have any idea what her message means, why she sent that?

Ok, thank you. What can I do about that? If I love someone why wouldn't I be with her

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Love of and by itself is never enough to sustain a relationship. You can love someone and it still won't work out because of other factors. It sounds like, that no matter how you both feel, it's a bad relationship. Time to let go and find a healthier partner for you.

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First of all, I'm really sorry for your heartache. I can totally understand how confused and awful you feel.

 

It seems to me that she reacted out of guilt. She might feel bad about your fight and what she did and said and she doesn't want it to end in hard feelings. As a woman I might do the same, try to convey that I feel bad about the fight and I wish you well, although, I'm not coming back. I think she does care about you but, based on these messages, not in the way you would like her to. I don't think she understands how confusing and heart-wrenching this feels to you and I think she could have done it in less emotional terms. To me it looks like she's apologizing for the fight whilst saying good-bye....

 

I would try to do as she says "Sing, go fishing, cook, drive, love, live and breath.", simply, live your life forward. I know it is easier said than done but you need to focus on yourself. Based on this exchange, you are very wrapped up in her, which is understandable, when you still loved her so when the relationship fell apart. Even more important than her, is YOU. Your life. You moving on, even if little by little only, at first you won't feel like you are moving on from her but you are. It might help you to check the stages of grief. A break up equals to a loss of a loved one and there are certain stages of grief. But you will make it I made it. I was once so in love that when it ended, not out of my will, I felt that I was missing a vital limb. The heartache was physical and felt excruciating but I moved on and over. There is life beyond, good life

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I think that you are still in the confusion and denial stages. From what she says, this is what I think.

Her talking to you is helping her move on. She knows you want her back but she is not going back to you. So the more she talks to you, the more she can move on.

You talking her is giving you the hope that you two will get back together.

The relationship is over. You begging her to come back is not helping you, in fact its hurting you.

The more you try to decode her texts the more confused you get. So Ill simplify.. she cares about you but doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. She says those things because its her way of letting you go and she wants you to let her go.

I know its hard to let her go, but it has to be done.

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Anneli, thank you so much. I saw that as a goodbye, but I couldn't admit that to myself. Maybe I was hoping it will be better if someone tells me that "at loud". Thank you. I feel better because I am stronger and smarter, and I am not on the bottom anymore, I am on my knees and that is a huge progress for me.

Thank you everyone for your time and help, you helped me. It is time to move on.

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Its okay to let her go. I promise you that you are going to be just fine. You have seen that the sun still rises and sets even without her being your GF. You see that life does move on and you have chosen to stand still in hopes that your X comes back to find you. The problem is that she has known where you are and has not come back so what does that tell you?

What you are doing is letting go of the relationship. Its doesnt mean you have to let go of the love you have for her, the good memories or anything like that. You are just saying goodbye to the relationship and get ready to start a new one.

Just remember that in the past 7yrs you are not the same person as you were when you started dating her. You have grown, matured and become a better person. You take the good parts and you drop the bad parts. We all make mistakes in relationships and we do good in them too. Learn from the mistakes. Apply them to the next girl you meet.

You are going to be just fine.

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I wish love meant more than just what it is - love. But it doesn't. Sometimes we love someone who is wrong for us and can never be with us. It's painful - it sucks - but it is a fact of life.

 

You said yourself you felt better before you broke NC. You need to go back to NC. Stop sending her emotional texts that make you sound weaker than you can be. You love her and want her, but her texts indicate she does not want you, no matter what she feels. Therefore you have to let her go and get over your feelings. You will do so, but not until you stop contacting her. Move on.

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Ahh...the elusive "closure" is what she seems to be seeking. It sounds like she had a recent break up, contacted you, was reminded of everything then decided on closure instead.

Thank you for everything.

I already left and that is ok, now I have to go, further. Take care.

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She was not seeing anyone, that is a fact. She suffers from depression, taking medications. Every time she called me she cried telling me that she was not well. I know she loves me but this trip she needs to do it by herself without me in her life. But I tried giving to her a some comfort that she knows that I love her and that I will be always there for her if she needs me. I crossed a line, I know, with me begging her to come back, because I entered in the panic mode after reading her message. But you are right it is the time to move on, it is damaging for me. Thank you

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