Clarification

[Timotheus]

I need some helpful honest advice from Guys and Girls...

 

So I met a girl on Tinder a while back and her and I talked for a little bit but then she just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. A few months later she and I matched on OkCupid and talked.

 

While we were talking on OKCupid she and I talked about different topics about ourselves and about other personal things. Then she did the same thing and went MIA on me. I still message her and said things like "hey how are you and how is your day going?" and never got a response back until almost 2 weeks later. She told me that "she was still getting over an ex and that she wasn't sure where her head was at, at this time." so I took that as I'll back off a little bit.

 

I then asked her for her number and she told me that she has one rule. The rule was that she needed to meet in person first before she will give me her number. I agreed to that even though I wasn't 100% with it. So with that and her missing in action, I was a little unhappy with it however, she message me asking if I wanted to do something with her sometime and of course I said yes.

 

We met up on a Friday night and we both shared laughs and talked about her life and what was going on. I went on the date thinking that this was just a friendship starting up to hang out, and I was fine with that. When I walked her to her car her and I ended up making out for almost 30mins and I wasn't expecting this to happen. We talked online again and then I finally got her number and we started texting from that point.

 

I asked she wants to meet up again and she agreed. So we went to see a movie on the 2nd date. It was a movie she was really wanting to see and she enjoyed it from what I could tell. I walked her to her car and you guessed it... for almost two hours her and I were messing around again. I asked if she wanted to go my place or hers and "she told me that she really wanted to but wasn't ready". And to be honest, I liked hearing her tell me her honest feelings more then the event that would of taking place. and I told her in response "it's cool, and I can respect that and we should only let it happen when your ready for it to happen." and she said thank you.

 

her and I have another planned date at my place this weekend for a get together BBQ hang out which I asked her if she felt safe doing and she was okay with it. So she plans on coming sat. I text her telling her also that if she starts to feel uncomfortable we can do something else outside of each of our houses but either way nothing physical would happen until she was ready.

 

She told me "that's cool and that she would let me know if she felt uncomfortable."

 

Now the problem is that I don't know exactly where this is going or what she wants because she doesn't text me everyday I end up texting her all the time and when we talk the convo isn't at all very long which is bothering me a little bit only in the sense if she's really not into me. I can feel me starting to some what like her a lot and I don't know what to do.

 

the last thing I did was text her and made plans to hang out at 7pm start time and gave her my address. She replied stating "okay cool! See you Saturday!" And that's it.

 

Everyone, what do you think I should do and what do you think is really happening here?

[Wiseman2]

Wow she got over her ex pretty fast. Not sure why you're worried about texting when this is how the dates are going.

I ended up making out for almost 30mins and I wasn't expecting this to happen.... for almost two hours her and I were messing around again. made plans to hang out at 7pm start time and gave her my address. She replied stating "okay cool! See you Saturday!"

[Itchy]

You'll have to seek clarification from her.

[abitbroken]

I think that you are too focused on making out. Well, maybe that's what people expect on Tinder? I would dial it back and take her on dates - BBQ hangout at your house sounds suspiciously like you are going to say goodbye to guests and then get her in the sack. I think she may like you but since she only met you a few times, not quite sure if you are out of "okay, he's not a serial killer" territory...

[Doc Blaze]

I would be careful with still getting over the ex....

[Timotheus]

I don't think that I am too focused on making out. And the other thing is I'm a mad of my word. I say what I mean and actually follow through with it. I also told the girl that we can go out to do something else instead if she's not okay with coming to my place to hang out.

 

Maybe it's just too early to get a real answer just yet. I'm going to respect her and just follow her lead for now. But No Sex at all until it happens on it's own. I don't want my feelings to get any deeper and I don't want her to think that I'm after her body when I really do enjoy spending time with her as I said before if you re-read it.

[Timotheus]

She's not really making a effort to find out things about me and where I came from. Everything has been centered around her and what she likes so I'm feeling a little unimportant. Relationships take two not just for the physical part either. And I can feel my feelings starting to slip (as in fall for her) a little bit so that's why I'm wondering.

[Clinton]

Two dates and a few texts is a little bit early to have the where is this headed talk UNLESS you start sleeping together. Then I'd clarify things pretty quickly.

 

Keep dating her for a while longer and if you still feel she's a real possibility, have the talk then.

[Wiseman2]

Yep, this. Chemistry happens and she is human too, so? It's ok to make out and stuff. I would play this one by ear because her mind may say this but her chemistry may be doing that.

Maybe it's just too early to get a real answer just yet.

[itsallgrand]

You could plan a date(s) with other women if you feel you investing too much feeling into this so soon. Just for balance.

You don't know this woman yet or what may or may not come of this. And that's normal a few dates in.

 

You basically need to find a way to relax here and keep the expections low right now. Enjoy the date!

[Wolfshook]

Dont worry about texting, our grandparends didnt text I believe that texting is somewhat of a problem in modern relationships.

 

Btw dont be so pushy about sex.

[Massari]

I think she is enjoying your company whenever you two were spending time physically together. In terms of the time when you are not together and what you two actually are? Couple? Dating? That you would have to have THE TALK with her. Chances are though she may want something casual just going out with you and having fun rather then a committed relationship.

[Stay_home]

In my opinion, I think she's boomeranging you a little; she's doing mind control and games to keep you guessing and playing to the beat of her drum. So you never know what the heck is going on, meanwhile, she's unpredictable as ever and you're walking on eggshells hoping not to disturb the hornet's nest. I understand you would like for her to feel comfortable about things and feel at ease, but what about you? One of the biggest mistakes we as men tend to make is that we place women that we don't know so high up on the pedestal and then we give them this magic wand. She claimed that she does not know where her head is at and that's a red flag because she is likely to hurt you in the process of finding herself. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, you don't want to be her lab rat for her to test the waters or to find herself on. I think if you hold yourself with a higher regard, so will she. Most importantly, you need to figure out what it is you want out of this situation. If it's just that one thing that you're after or you prefer something more stable, I don't think this will be the girl. Based on the scenario, I think if you continue on this trail you will score a touchdown and if that's what you want, go for it. But something long lasting and meaningful, I don't think this is the right pick.

[Timotheus]

In my opinion, I think she's boomeranging you a little; she's doing mind control and games to keep you guessing and playing to the beat of her drum. So you never know what the heck is going on, meanwhile, she's unpredictable as ever and you're walking on eggshells hoping not to disturb the hornet's nest. I understand you would like for her to feel comfortable about things and feel at ease, but what about you? One of the biggest mistakes we as men tend to make is that we place women that we don't know so high up on the pedestal and then we give them this magic wand. She claimed that she does not know where her head is at and that's a red flag because she is likely to hurt you in the process of finding herself. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, you don't want to be her lab rat for her to test the waters or to find herself on. I think if you hold yourself with a higher regard, so will she. Most importantly, you need to figure out what it is you want out of this situation. If it's just that one thing that you're after or you prefer something more stable, I don't think this will be the girl. Based on the scenario, I think if you continue on this trail you will score a touchdown and if that's what you want, go for it. But something long lasting and meaningful, I don't think this is the right pick.

 

Good Point Sir. Good Point... Thanks.

[surfdiva]

she's unpredictable as ever and you're walking on eggshells hoping not to disturb the hornet's nest. I understand you would like for her to feel comfortable about things and feel at ease, but what about you?

 

I agree, it can't just be about her comfort and she's giving mixed signals. As others have said, she said she wasn't sure if she was over her ex, that's a red flag for me.

[MatchMystified]

Wow...it all sounds fine to me. 😊

[Timotheus]

Well... after 4 dates in. She told me the following day that her heart wasn't really in it and that i deserve someone who is willing to be 100% all in. So she can't see me anymore.

 

Did i get my feelings hurt you wonder maybe? My answer is Yes. Thank you guys for your support.

[Itchy]

Sorry to hear that, bro!

 

You'll meet someone else, we always meet someone else...

[Massari]

Well... after 4 dates in. She told me the following day that her heart wasn't really in it and that i deserve someone who is willing to be 100% all in. So she can't see me anymore.

 

Did i get my feelings hurt you wonder maybe? My answer is Yes. Thank you guys for your support.

 

I have been down this road too many times. Actually few weeks ago and my feelings did get hurt over somone who I didn't even know for that much time. From your initial post I knew most likely this how this whole thing will be and it was apparent that you had developed feelings for this woman, guys like you and I tend to build something special over someone that quite frankly doesn't deserve a fraction of our care and time. Will we learn from this ? Yes. Will this be the last time that this will ever happen to us? No. Will we be more careful in the future? Hell yea!

Just get your confidence back and don't let this bring you down. We deserve somone much better.

 

Chin up and good luck bro!