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Relationship advice and help :(


becboo1

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Today my boyfriend of 3 years out of the blue after an afternoon of him buying me lunch and helping me run errands. Told me he doesnt know if he sees a future with me. I knew that something was up with him, he was quiet and kinda distant. He has been like this the past few days. I feel like I am putting all my heart into the relationship recently only to be shut down. This was unexpected of him to say as we had the weekend before hung out and everything was lovey dovey. Just like normal. I feel so ty and heartbroken. Is there something wrong with me? He doesnt know where his head is at. He said he loves me and wants to be with me right now. But this feels like a break up is coming soon. I feel so lonely I dont know what to do or think. How can he love me but not see some sort of future with me? Am I not good enough for him? He hasnt texted or called or anything since this happened 9 hours ago. Even though he saw me upset and cry and run into my house. Does he not love me anymore? I am worried because I have no friends and he might just want to consider staying with me because he feels sorry for me. q

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Did he break up with you or just respond to you that he didn't want to get married? It does not sound like it came out of the blue. There is to much focus on how much you invested, your worth etc. and not how his decision came about.

he doesnt know if he sees a future with me.He said he loves me and wants to be with me right now.
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Today my boyfriend of 3 years out of the blue after an afternoon of him buying me lunch and helping me run errands. Told me he doesnt know if he sees a future with me. I knew that something was up with him, he was quiet and kinda distant. He has been like this the past few days. I feel like I am putting all my heart into the relationship recently only to be shut down. This was unexpected of him to say as we had the weekend before hung out and everything was lovey dovey. Just like normal. I feel so ty and heartbroken. Is there something wrong with me? He doesnt know where his head is at. He said he loves me and wants to be with me right now. But this feels like a break up is coming soon. I feel so lonely I dont know what to do or think. How can he love me but not see some sort of future with me? Am I not good enough for him? He hasnt texted or called or anything since this happened 9 hours ago. Even though he saw me upset and cry and run into my house. Does he not love me anymore? I am worried because I have no friends and he might just want to consider staying with me because he feels sorry for me. q

 

He told you he doesn't see a future with you. You're not placing ENOUGH IMPORTANCE on this declaration! It's easier to tell yourself that he doesn't know where his head is....you're in auto-protective mode. He's been distant even if he's been physically with you. People don't stay for pity....so even if you're badly hurting it won't change his mind....but may prolonge the outcome if guilt is involved. I say don't text, don't call. As a matter of fact tell him he needs to sort himself out if he does call. Give yourself the dignity you deserve.

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I don't think your relationship has the legs to stand on after that deceleration.

 

He probably does love you but love on its own is not enough to sustain a long-term relationship. Maybe his spark, enjoyment and passion for the relationship has gone. Who knows, but I would break up with him if I was you.

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It feels like a break up.

 

Even if it isn't, your sentence about having no friends struck me. You can't rely on just one person to be your boyfriend, partner and all the friends you'll ever need in one person. That's a lot of pressure to put on both yourself and your boyfriend. my 2 cents is to suggest you try to develop or start some interests that will help you make some new friends, so you have a few other people in your life aside from a boyfriend (whether it is this guy or someone different).

 

Good luck and take care!

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Told me he doesnt know if he sees a future with me.

 

I'd tell him that I adore him and believed up until this point that I could see us together in the future. In order to preserve any shred of that possibility, I need to walk away now, while be both still think highly of one another. He can take his time to gain clarity, and if he ever decides that a future with me is something he wants to pursue, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

 

Then I'd walk on, head high. The alternative is to stick around out of desperation in an attempt to manipulate him into feeling something that nobody can guilt another person into feeling. That's only like to seal the deal--and not in your favor.

 

Don't you deserve someone who's clear about wanting a future with you? I'd settle for nothing less. Ever.

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Have you thought of couples counseling? I dont know if that is an option for you. Sometimes we just hit a funk or need time to be free and not feel so confined.

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Basically it's been 3 years and he doesn't think you are the one for him. After 3 years he should know if there's a future with you or not.

 

It sounds like this has been weighing on his mind recently and although the he knows the answer will be painful he just doesn't see it.

 

I'm sorry. The only thing to do now is to accept it and move on.

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Well, it is what it is?... For now.

It looks like it's headed that way. That's how he feels and doesn't see a future with you in it. But sometimes these things can actually help to make the relationship stronger. So confront the issue and see where he is going with it?

He says that he loves you but not sure on how much? So most likely he needs to know about what's out their, and would he be able to embrace it or come running back?

But this can also benefit you as well too! There's allot of soul searching that you can do, meet new faces and explore options that you wouldn't even have dreamed of because of him?

I understand how attached you are, and how hard it would be if the worst were to happen? But stay strong and negotiate it with him to help navigate the pain of (possibly) being separated.

There's nothing wrong with you! It's just that sometimes things can grow old, and people start to feel the urge to change. So don't start to doubt yourself, it can lead to a unhealthy lifestyle.

Friends can be easily made (especially among women), weather from work, school, and social events. You just have to put yourself out there.

Good look with your troubles.

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