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Confused and need Advice.


Annnick

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Hi,

 

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months. It's been going really well, he is very loving and kind.

 

We get alone sooo well and thoroughly enjoy each others company. We have been away together several times during our short relationship.

 

3 weeks ago he went into hospital to have surgery. I helped him book the surgery date and encouraged him to go. I made sure he knew I would support him and be with him. After the survey he faced many complications (life threatening ) he was suppose to spend one night and has been there for over 3 weeks.

 

The problem is I feel very alone and pushed away. I made sure I came to visit him the day after surgery. I kept away the day of the surgery because I was aware his family were there and didn't want to intrude.

 

The day I came we planned around his family visiting as he didn't feel it was the time nor place to introduce or explain who I was. Unexpectedly his family arrived earlier than planned and there was nothing I could do. I ended up staying at the hospital all day until the evening. He was quite unwell and I was very concerned, therefore didn't want to leave his side.

 

The next day I came, he called me selfish and had a real go at me for "barging in" when it was an emotional time and he wanted privacy with his family. I was deeply hurt and felt like a piece of #### on his shoe. I have to ask to come and see him and plan around his family. He feels uncomfortable introducing me as he is quite high status and I come from a working class family. I personally think if you love someone (as he said he does) it wouldn't matter.

 

Yesterday I asked him if I could see him anytime soon. He said come tomorrow. Today I text him saying, shell I come and see you tomorrow morning as planned. He responded by saying" will call you tomorrow afternoon". I instantly got the hint and am quite sure he won't phone me as he said he would.

 

I am really confused as he has been the sweetest most loving person I've ever met. He is a mature man a few years my senior And I know he wouldn't mess me around. Please answer my question... (why) from an outsiders point of view, what do you think.

 

One last thing. He likes to come across as a strong invincible man, he is an extrovert and does not like people seeing him weak or vulnerable. Sorry for the long post, I really appreciate all you guys that reply.

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Sorry to hear this, but if you are some sort of secret or if visiting him is "barging in", I hope Nurse Ratchet comes in with a really big fat needle for his butt.

he didn't feel it was the time nor place to introduce or explain who I was. he called me selfish and had a real go at me for "barging in" when it was an emotional time and he wanted privacy with his family.
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^ lol

 

Op: I'm thinking that at the early 4 month mark, he probably wasn't quite ready to introduce you to his family and then having to explain to them who you were when they've never laid eyes on you before proabably made him feel awkward.

 

I wonder what nationality you are because I have a feeling that may have a lot to do with his reaction.

 

Anyway, he's ill and he's too preoccupied with that to be kind and concerned with you, this girl he's only known for four months. You can either take his insensitivity as him just being himself without him putting on airs in order to impress you... this is who he is, or you can wait it out after you've told him that its clear that he's uncomfortable with you visiting him when he's not at his best and he should feel free to call you when he'd like to see you... then go no contact.

 

In any event, If I were you, I'd be putting up the emotional blocks on this one because he sound like someone I'd not want a steady diet of.

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Annick:

 

There you have it:

 

" I have to ask to come and see him and plan around his family. He feels uncomfortable introducing me as he is quite high status and I come from a working class family."

 

I'll give it to you straight Annick.

 

I don't think this "relationship" is going anywhere.

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Thank you for you very use reply.

 

He is Indian. Educated in England. I was born in South Africa and have British parents.

I figured he was Indian and it totally explains his attitude towards you when his parents showed up. I agree with Hermes. His parents wouldn't approve of you if you are not of the same caste as him or the same religion/nationality. I wouldn't see him again. Get out now because when push comes to shove, he'll be marrying who is family approves of or even arranges for him and you'll be left in an emotional heap.
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People often show only their real personalities when under pressure.

 

You know, ole Kipling might have had a point: East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.......

 

What. The cake guy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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