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9 minutes ago, dias said:

You are not the only one 😁

God didn't give me this joy. No girls glance at me and I barely finished elementary school but I do go to the church on Sundays, follow the Bible conscientiously and I am emotionally available for the partner I will never have. 

I'm not sure what you meant by "you are not the only one."  I'm healthy, don't look like no one would glance at me and have good old-fashioned horse sense.  I've been happily married for a long time and have two great sons.

I'm glad you go to church on Sundays.  Sermons and Bible studies are supposed to teach you morals, integrity, values, poise, gracious behaviors, self discipline, self control and behave properly.  I hope you will have a partner you can be emotionally available to. 

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5 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I'm not sure what you meant by "you are not the only one." 

I think he was talking to me, and the fact that I sometimes scan over posts in a zombie state of mind.

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The word “narcissist” is thrown a lot in this forum. I googled it to see what comes up because I always had a feeling what I picture as a narcissist is different than what most people think.

The second link that came up on google is:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist

1. They were charming AF… at first

It started as a fairy tale. Maybe they texted you constantly, or told you they loved you within the first month — something experts refer to as “love bombing.”Maybe they tell you how smart you are or emphasize how compatible you are, even if you’ve just started seeing each other.

Sorry to be judicial here but anyone who would find the person above as charming has very serious self-esteem issues. A person who texts constantly and make compliments so early is not charming AF, is stupid AF and dumb as a rock. Rock is too much, pebble is more appropriate. 

You never ever make compliments until you know the other person (very)well. First myth debunked.

2. They hog the conversation, talking about how great they are

This person is called a jerk, not a narcissist.

3. They feed off your compliments

“They need a lot of praise, and if you’re not giving it to them, they’ll fish for it,” she says. That’s why they’re constantly looking at you to tell them how great they are.

Jerk as well.

4. They lack empathy

Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, Walfish says.

It’s not they don’t have the ability to feel someone else’s feelings, it’s that they don’t care, plain and simple. First semi-accurate description.

5. They don’t have any (or many) long-term friends

Dig deeper into their connections and you may notice that they only have casual acquaintances, buddies they trash-talk, and nemeses.

Yeah because nobody likes a person like this. Again this is what I call a jerk

6. They pick on you constantly

“They’ll put you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful one-liners, and make jokes that aren’t quite funny,”

Jerk

7. They gaslight you

Narcissists may spew blatant lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality.

I call this a liar, very easy to spot liars no matter how good they are. I have an advantage here because I only value actions, I don’t take words seriously. I don’t even take my words seriously lol.

8. They dance around defining the relationship

“If you speak up and own your feelings about their disrespect, they will blame you for causing a fuss, call you crazy, and use it as further reason not to commit fully to you. 

I had to reach the end of the paragraph to understand what the author is trying to say and I still don’t get it. I call this person a liar and a jerk. Powerful combo I have to concede.

9. They think they’re right about everything… and never apologize

That’s 90% of the world population, 99.9% of the Greeks, big deal.

10. They panic when you try to break up with them

Can’t have an opinion on this one.

11. … and when you show them you’re really done, they lash out

Throwing a tantrum like a teenager? That’s immaturity, I used to do it until the age of 21-22, I grew up eventually.

 

So, this is the typical description of a narcissist. Honestly, I think it’s crap. I call these people jerks and liars, I am sure I’ve met plenty as they are a good percentage of the population but I don’t actually know anyone like this. I wouldn’t say I am picky with people, my screening process is whether I like you or not in the first 10 minutes of chatting. I have to say, I’ve never been duped, I can’t think of anyone in my life that I say more than hi to him/her and he/she fits the above description. I have roommates like this and believe it or not, after 1 year and  5 months we only say hi (that’s in the good days). Never argued though because I never engaged with them more than 20 minutes the past 1 year and 5 months.

 

I would consider narcissist someone like Victor Lustig who sold the Eiffel towel twice (coolest thing I’ve ever read)

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/man-who-sold-eiffel-tower-twice-180958370/

His commandments:

1. Be a patient listener (it is this, not fast talking, that gets a con-man his coups).

2. Never look bored.

3. Wait for the other person to reveal any political opinions, then agree with them.

4. Let the other person reveal religious views, then have the same ones.

5. Hint at sex talk, but don’t follow it up unless the other fellow shows a strong interest.

6. Never discuss illness, unless some special concern is shown.

7. Never pry into a person’s personal circumstances (they’ll tell you all eventually).

8. Never boast. Just let your importance be quietly obvious.

9. Never be untidy.

10. Never get drunk.

We certainly agree on 1,5,7,8,10 lol. Anyway, this is charm and charisma, a person like the fellow above could be described as a narcissist, not the jerk next door with single digit IQ.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sh*t, I should be working overtime now; I am feeling very tired today, it’s easier to philosophize lol

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13 minutes ago, dias said:

Honestly, I think it’s crap. I call these people jerks and liars, I am sure I’ve met plenty as they are a good percentage of the population but I don’t actually know anyone like this.

There's a good book out there called, "Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You," and it actually classifies people into different levels of how jerky they are, from 1st degree jerks to the extremely difficult 3rd degree jerks.

I think severe narcissists typically fall into the 3rd degree jerk level, which means they probably can't change or be helped 😕 .  

 

 

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14 hours ago, dias said:

The word “narcissist” is thrown a lot in this forum.

It is a commonly used term these days, for sure. I get sick of hearing it, but I hesitate to say that it's overused. The fact is, we live in a narcissistic society. It's been this way for decades.

It's easy for us, who have grown up in a society of jerks and liars, to say, "Well, you have to be a jerk and a liar to run the world." But, it could not have been this way for the whole course of human history. The pattern is too destructive. 

Slowly, over the last hundred years or so, the tolerance for narcissism has increased. Probably because TV and radio (and now smartphones!) made it seem normal. It's not normal, though. So, I think it's worth discussing the dynamic, even if it does sound like the most annoying song in the world being played on repeat.

As far as people being love bombed, you are right: people who have low or injured self-esteem are most vulnerable. But that's what makes the narcissistic dynamic so destructive, and so important to question. It exploits the vulnerable, and justifies that exploitation by saying the weak should be stronger (blame the victim mentality).

That's ironic, because the point of society is truly to protect the weak. We forget that all human beings are pathetically weak as compared to the rest of nature, and that if we weren't able to rely on each other we'd all be wolf meat.

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9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

It exploits the vulnerable, and justifies that exploitation by saying the weak should be stronger (blame the victim mentality).

If you forget your wallet on a bench in the park and you don't find it when you come back, who is to blame? you or the person who took it? In my opinion both. You can't change the world but you can change yourself and be less forgetful the next time. 

My point is, you need to take care of yourself because nobody else will and nobody else should, it's not their job. You can forget your wallet in the park every time and you can blame the thief every time but nothing will change.

As for the "big fish eats small fish" mentality, I think you need to address your concerns to mother nature....or God. He is not very responsive though, I warn you!

If you ask me personally, I don't take pleasure in duping people, especially people who are not on my level. It's like being a professional tennis player who plays with the local kids to win, what is the point? 

I love to play though, I am pretty sly and naughty, I am truly intrigued when I find people like me to play hahahaha. Too bad I found it in a girl who is already taken. Ahhhhhh........ diamonds are so rare......

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43 minutes ago, dias said:

My point is, you need to take care of yourself because nobody else will and nobody else should, it's not their job. You can forget your wallet in the park every time and you can blame the thief every time but nothing will change.

As for the "big fish eats small fish" mentality, I think you need to address your concerns to mother nature....or God.

It's true, we live and learn. But my point is, we have the ability to be more than animals. If we want to keep enjoying our non-animal society, then most of us have to act better than animals. A couple freeloaders can be supported. But a healthy balance must remain. Right now, I think we (as a species) are tipping that balance.

43 minutes ago, dias said:

Too bad I found it in a girl who is already taken. Ahhhhhh........ diamonds are so rare......

It's interesting that your feelings have increased like this right when you're about to leave. Fear of commitment, do you think?

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51 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

It's interesting that your feelings have increased like this right when you're about to leave. Fear of commitment, do you think?

🙂

Of course I have commitment issues, big time, but I don't really believe my case is that I want something I can't have. I am saying this because my brain does not function this way.

Can I find other girls with similar personality if I start dating like it's a second job? Yes and no.

Yes there are playful and witty people out there. No because I haven't met someone else who is as playful and witty. And it's not only this, she is a mathematician (big +), pretty (++), spent a lot of time in Greece and loves the culture(her parents had a house there), we worked together, I know how she works, she likes to appear whatever but she is very disciplined, she improved the quality of her work a lot which means she is a person who likes to get better (+++), I can go on and on...and a bonus, she is slim with big boobs, quite compelling physical attribute, especially for men who appreciate the finer things in life lol.... all I am saying is, statistically speaking the percentage of women likes this around my age is very small.

 

In fact, my feelings have subsided because I haven't seen her (and can’t have her anyway). And I am not 15 years old to let me feelings govern me. Ok, not govern me for long haha

Fun fact, her boyfriend liked a couple of my comments on FB. Ok they were funny comments, I guess this is why, still found it strange/funny. At first glance, he seemed a normal guy, not a jerk, not a wimp, pretty normal, he works in IT too. He must be a nice guy. Hope he enjoys the mental stimulation, I wish them well!

 

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On 3/2/2021 at 9:17 PM, Jibralta said:

But my point is, we have the ability to be more than animals. If we want to keep enjoying our non-animal society, then most of us have to act better than animals. 

Wishful thinking my very dear friend Jib, wishful thinking!

On 3/2/2021 at 10:01 PM, dias said:

And it's not only this, she is a mathematician (big +), pretty (++), spent a lot of time in Greece and loves the culture(her parents had a house there), we worked together, I know how she works, she likes to appear whatever but she is very disciplined, she improved the quality of her work a lot which means she is a person who likes to get better (+++), I can go on and on...

 

And she loves drawing (artsy type) and she adores kids and she is from a good family*.... definitely many many virtues. I guess that's why I liked her so much. I know who and what to appreciate.

She changed her status yesterday on FB but when I tried to see it, it was only visible to some of her friends (not me). My roommate told me she did the same thing (excluded some of her contacts on FB from the status change update) with her ex-boyfriend because she didn't want to hurt him when she found a new boyfriend. If this the case, hmm, maybe they got engaged. Who knows... it doesn't matter, just pondering. Good for her!

On another note, I am moving to Norwich in two weeks. Work-wise I am getting pretty busy, I chased it so I can't complain lol. The manager told me "all the other candidates would be very satisfied with what you call tedious work and you are negotiating more work" lol. I told him I will be working overtime and on the weekends if I participate in the projects I like. I have a plan of course, I wouldn't work overtime for projects I don't learn new stuff or I don't like. I've already seen some positive actions taken from his side, I think this negotiation game will last forever. Hmm, one more habit I have to incorporate into my daily life. 

Overall, everything is going well. Here are my last two photos I took on the weekend. Maybe the last ones from Liverpool.....

*By good family I don't mean wealthy, I mean having good parents. As I get older I value this a lot more, upbringing plays a catalytic role.

 

Liverpool Skyline 2.jpg

Liverpool Skyline.jpg

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34 minutes ago, dias said:

Wishful thinking my very dear friend Jib, wishful thinking!

Oh, no. I'm just saying if we wanted to survive. But I don't think we're interested in that. I think we are more likely to kill ourselves off as a species than not.

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Amazing weather today! My last two weeks in Liverpool! Can't really believe it! Who would have known....Never in my life would I have imagined myself in Liverpool. London sure but Liverpool? I just knew there is a city named Liverpool in the North part of England. I've lived in Athens, Southend, London and Liverpool so far and Liverpool is the only place I got emotionally attached to. 

I have taken many photos of Liverpool but almost none of me here, I took one today to have it as a keepsake. 

 

 

Last days in Liverpool.JPG

Edited by dias
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My weekend does not differ much than the rest of the week. In fact, I am more productive as I do things at my own pace. During the week I do the same things more less but in a more structured and forceful way. My favourite routine in the morning is to drink my lovely coffee, eat my Greek or Icelandic yogurt, and write down all the unknown English words and phrases I heard/read during the week. Then skim the articles of the local newspaper’s website.

Is sounds something that old people would do lol. I like it nonetheless, I like to putter in the morning. I am very boring I know hahahahaha.

 

 

I read a comment from DF on a thread here and she said she can learn a new language at a good level within 3-6 months or so. This is awesome, unfortunately, it does not apply for most people. You need to have an aptitude for languages. I’ve noticed chatty and auditory people learn languages extremely fast which makes sense because you assimilate everything you listen quicky and you practice a lot because you speak a lot. I, on the other hand, am 100% visual and not that chatty. It really sucks when it comes to languages. My vocation does not help either.

I’ve had English lessons since I was 6, I was never a good student, I didn’t care because I couldn’t see any practical value in it. I got the first English certificate (intermediate level) when I was about 15 (borderline pass, I half-*ssed it) and then I quit studying as my parents couldn’t force me anymore. Years later, at 21, I visited my cousins in the US. This is when I saw practical value in learning English or any other language*.

When I got back to Athens, I started private lessons with a half English half Scottish man (married a Greek woman and stayed in Athens etc) for a year. I got the “advanced” certificate and since then I’ve been keeping notes of phrases/words/grammar rules. I revise them every morning for 20-30 minutes. This is not a chore for me, I like the English language and getting better.

 

 

Could I live in the UK with just passable English? Yes of course. I could have limited my life and interactions within the Greek community like most Greeks do. What is the point of doing that? Spend years of your life in a foreign country and never integrate? You are missing the whole point. Would it be easier for me to be part of the Greek community in the UK and make connections which could help with job hunting and other favors that would facilitate an easier lifestyle? Yes.

I made a decision in my early-mid twenties. I can choose comfort or adventures. In my late teens/early twenties I was miserable, there are many reasons for that, what I figured though was it is comfort primarily which makes me miserable. I like doing things, for some bizarre reason following the difficult path makes me happy, it satisfies my explorer inside me, I like the unknown and the unconventional paths, I want to see where they lead. Does it mean they lead to better results? No. No everyone finds El Dorado.

Since I made this decision I observed I have no regrets. Before this, when I did what society/close environment wanted me to do I always had regrets and was never satisfied. Did I make a sh*tload of mistakes? You bet, I’ve made all the mistakes I could have made. I believe I will make things happens eventually because there are no other mistakes to be made hahahaha. If I could go back in time, I would have done the same things but in a wiser and more fruitful way.

 

 

I have been having the same dream since I was a little kid, it never changed. I always admired greatness. I remember reading Parallel lives by Plutarch as a kid.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parallel_Lives

I like the description Louis L’Amour gave: a great book about great men. It turns out I can’t be a great man but I can still live a tale. I loooove stories and tales. I have a silly unpractical romantic outlook on life. I wish I could change it and be more realistic but I can’t change my nature, my very essence. Before I depart this world I want to look back and say to myself “yes this was a life worth living”. It’s difficult from an outsider’s perspective to fathom my actions and the way I am thinking…..I don’t care about comfort and money, I live for the tale, hence the umpteenth mistakes.

I went off on a tangent here, what I wanted to say initially was how difficult it is for some people to learn new languages. My roommate speaks 4 languages, she can learn a new language only by watching movies, she is very auditory and chatty person though. I’ve been studying so many years and there is still room for improvement. Well, genetics…..

 

*I failed in the first German certificate, I want to get it as some point, I don’t like incomplete work.

 

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41 minutes ago, dias said:

I like doing things, for some bizarre reason following the difficult path makes me happy, it satisfies my explorer inside me, I like the unknown and the unconventional paths, I want to see where they lead. Does it mean they lead to better results? No. No everyone finds the El Dorado.

I am the same way. After learning about my ancestry, and the fact that literally all of my relatives were out West well before Texas was a republic, I think it must be in my genes. 

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23 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I am the same way. After learning about my ancestry, and the fact that literally all of my relatives were out West well before Texas was a republic, I think it must be in my genes. 

Yes!  I understand.  Fellow Texan here, and I definitely believe it's about the tale or journey.  I measure success differently than most people probably do, and I think we as a family are a lot happier due to our attitude about that.

When we went through that power crisis, it was hard and kind of horrible, but I also enjoyed the challenge of having to live so long without power.  Cooking outside over a fire using my stonewear (something I've never tried before) and figuring out ways to keep the kids warm/from freezing to death, using candles etc. all felt like some survival challenge we succeeded at.  

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1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I also enjoyed the challenge of having to live so long without power

Same. I very much enjoyed the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. Temperatures were freezing and we had no power and no heat for two weeks. We couldn't even shower because there was no hot water! I had a grand old time. Most of the people around me were not very happy, though. 

(I was born in Texas but was then adopted and grew up in NJ)

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I consider moving to Norwich as a good opportunity to start with a clean slate. Different location, different way of thinking and acting, different job… let’s see.

I want to start dating again, I haven’t even tried the last two years. Hmm, what is the plan? Online dating does not work for me unfortunately, even Tinder which is based on looks mostly does not yield any serious results (yeah I know crazy haha).

I can join a meet-up group again but I don’t think it’s the right place. I joined plenty in London, I don’t think it’s very efficient for this purpose. Hmm, what else…

I find only one type of personality attractive, I am not compromising, I prefer being alone otherwise, I am pretty happy. So what activity attracts playful and pretty girls? Bartenders are out of the question unfortunately….hmm, clubs… not my thing at all, I like to talk not scream and I am not into dancing…….A tennis club maybe or volunteering in the local theater if possible ( I don’t think with Covid theaters are going to open soon though). I love acting, I want to try it myself at some point.

Ideas people…………….

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25 minutes ago, dias said:

Ideas people…………….

Yeah, I don't know.

Online dating was never great for me, either. It always felt slightly artificial. On my profile, I jokingly compared online dating to trying to get pandas to mate in captivity. I did meet people and I did have a couple relationships, but ultimately I ended up with a guy I already knew. 

If I had to date again, I'd probably go the meetup route, but mainly because it's not efficient for dating. Dating seems to one of those weird things that becomes more indistinct when you try to focus on it. 

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There is a lot of fuss in the media about Meghan and Harry, I haven't followed the gossip due to lack of time, I only watched Piers Morgan storming off set in a discussion about this whole thing. Safe to assume the rumpus is about racism etc. I think only Americans care about this "scandal", all these years I still haven't met a British who knows or cares what the royal family is doing. 

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2 hours ago, dias said:

There is a lot of fuss in the media about Meghan and Harry, I haven't followed the gossip due to lack of time, I only watched Piers Morgan storming off set in a discussion about this whole thing. Safe to assume the rumpus is about racism etc. I think only Americans care about this "scandal", all these years I still haven't met a British who knows or cares what the royal family is doing. 

a lot of fuss for sure.

They (H&M) are entitled to their feelings surrounding their experience.  Nobody has to agree with it.  

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4 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Him telling you about it is really a pretty common tactic to test you and see how low are your standards and how easily you can be manipulated

I don't know if it's a test to check someone else's standards and how much he/she will tolerate but being forthright and telling the truth in a regretful-redemptive way can be quite manipulative (or clever depending how you see it). It's a good technique if you are a good actor. I've used it myself (for general life purposes), it worked sometimes. In this case though I don't think it was a shrewd move from the guy's side, he betrayed himself lol

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Me too. I totally get it. But as an outsider reading between the lines of his story, there are so many red flags.

And manages to praise himself repeatedly, while also making himself out to be the victim of circumstances.

I know charisma is in the eye of the beholder but I am still baffled. What is charming on playing the victim? I can't think anything less charming. 

Ok I understand if I woman plays the pity me card it could be attractive for men who have some sort of white knight syndrome (which I don't get either...) but for a man to play this card, damn, I find it pathetic. The whole point of being a man is to become confident enough and disciplined enough not to be the victim of circumstances. Not to be pitied. Not even to pretend it.  

This is what I call a p*ssy but hey it works with women lol

 

 

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21 hours ago, dias said:

I don't know if it's a test to check someone else's standards and how much he/she will tolerate but being forthright and telling the truth in a regretful-redemptive way can be quite manipulative (or clever depending how you see it). It's a good technique if you are a good actor. I've used it myself (for general life purposes), it worked sometimes. In this case though I don't think it was a shrewd move from the guy's side, he betrayed himself lol

I'm not familiar with men using it as a ploy like DF said... but then I dated much younger men, a long time ago lol... so I'm sure there are smooth types out there that use this like she says.

I also thought Lost's comment was good... that he's probably not telling the WHOLE truth, and that his wife's side or version of what happened, could have been more inciminating and make him look less like a victim.

In everything, there are basically three sides to the story.  His side, her side and then the truth which sometimes does implicate one much more than the other.

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Oh something else to help you Dias, understand what's probably going on here.

There IS something very attractive about someone who owns their Sh*t.  There just is!

So... for a woman who has done something in the past she regrets, it's attractive that she can look back and not excuse that behavior.  It means she's grown, and growth typically, is beautiful and attractive.  It means maybe she's not crazy... maybe she's capable of learning and becoming more mature kind of thing.

...

Well, it's the same for men.  If there's a man who's been divorced, and he can realistically understand what may have happened (even if he wasn't totally at fault), that IS attractive.  It helps the prospective woman understand he's real... he's authentic... he's able to grow and mature from past mistakes.

There is something VERY attractive about that.

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14 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Well, it's the same for men.  If there's a man who's been divorced, and he can realistically understand what may have happened (even if he wasn't totally at fault), that IS attractive.  It helps the prospective woman understand he's real... he's authentic... he's able to grow and mature from past mistakes.

There is something VERY attractive about that.

I was talking more about the poor me/victim card he played. This is exactly the opposite of owning your mistakes. 

Interesting though, the way I see it, learning from your past mistakes is something definitely positive but it's more like a prerequisite. I don't find it attractive in that sense. It's one of these traits where I think "ok maybe I can take this person seriously". It's something very basic for my standards when I screen people. 

The other thing is, you can't know if someone has changed (and the majority of people do not change), it takes months or even years to be able to tell if is someone has changed or has the ability to change. You can't know that in advance (on the first dates) because someone told you so. Do you honestly believe the words of people you just met? Personally, I don't take words seriously, they don't mean anything. 

For instance, you know how many times I have met interior designers who introduced themselves as architects? Countless. It is funny actually.

 

 

 

 

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There are two girls I chat relatively frequently on messenger (as friends), the British girl from the meet-up group in London and a Hungarian girl I met once from Tinder. I blew the British girl off sometimes recently for video chats (just couldn't do it at the moment or didn't want) and the Hungarian blew me off equally as many times. 

Hahahaha you get what you give, life is funny 🙂

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