Jump to content

Open Club  ·  25 members  ·  Free

Journals

Recommended Posts

9 minutes ago, dias said:

You are not the only one 😁

God didn't give me this joy. No girls glance at me and I barely finished elementary school but I do go to the church on Sundays, follow the Bible conscientiously and I am emotionally available for the partner I will never have. 

I'm not sure what you meant by "you are not the only one."  I'm healthy, don't look like no one would glance at me and have good old-fashioned horse sense.  I've been happily married for a long time and have two great sons.

I'm glad you go to church on Sundays.  Sermons and Bible studies are supposed to teach you morals, integrity, values, poise, gracious behaviors, self discipline, self control and behave properly.  I hope you will have a partner you can be emotionally available to. 

Edited by Cherylyn
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 858
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I asked kamurj to delete my account as I wanted to focus on work. It seems you can't delete your account so here I am again lol My intuition was right! I came back to Liverpool three weeks a

There is magic in this world, it's called nature 🙂  Birkenhead (the town on the other side of the river) during sunset!

He has to give me a sign, how else I am supposed to know? I am just asking for a small fall out between two mere mortals. That's it. No, actually after the fall out she needs to fall in love with me o

Posted Images

The word “narcissist” is thrown a lot in this forum. I googled it to see what comes up because I always had a feeling what I picture as a narcissist is different than what most people think.

The second link that came up on google is:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist

1. They were charming AF… at first

It started as a fairy tale. Maybe they texted you constantly, or told you they loved you within the first month — something experts refer to as “love bombing.”Maybe they tell you how smart you are or emphasize how compatible you are, even if you’ve just started seeing each other.

Sorry to be judicial here but anyone who would find the person above as charming has very serious self-esteem issues. A person who texts constantly and make compliments so early is not charming AF, is stupid AF and dumb as a rock. Rock is too much, pebble is more appropriate. 

You never ever make compliments until you know the other person (very)well. First myth debunked.

2. They hog the conversation, talking about how great they are

This person is called a jerk, not a narcissist.

3. They feed off your compliments

“They need a lot of praise, and if you’re not giving it to them, they’ll fish for it,” she says. That’s why they’re constantly looking at you to tell them how great they are.

Jerk as well.

4. They lack empathy

Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, Walfish says.

It’s not they don’t have the ability to feel someone else’s feelings, it’s that they don’t care, plain and simple. First semi-accurate description.

5. They don’t have any (or many) long-term friends

Dig deeper into their connections and you may notice that they only have casual acquaintances, buddies they trash-talk, and nemeses.

Yeah because nobody likes a person like this. Again this is what I call a jerk

6. They pick on you constantly

“They’ll put you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful one-liners, and make jokes that aren’t quite funny,”

Jerk

7. They gaslight you

Narcissists may spew blatant lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality.

I call this a liar, very easy to spot liars no matter how good they are. I have an advantage here because I only value actions, I don’t take words seriously. I don’t even take my words seriously lol.

8. They dance around defining the relationship

“If you speak up and own your feelings about their disrespect, they will blame you for causing a fuss, call you crazy, and use it as further reason not to commit fully to you. 

I had to reach the end of the paragraph to understand what the author is trying to say and I still don’t get it. I call this person a liar and a jerk. Powerful combo I have to concede.

9. They think they’re right about everything… and never apologize

That’s 90% of the world population, 99.9% of the Greeks, big deal.

10. They panic when you try to break up with them

Can’t have an opinion on this one.

11. … and when you show them you’re really done, they lash out

Throwing a tantrum like a teenager? That’s immaturity, I used to do it until the age of 21-22, I grew up eventually.

 

So, this is the typical description of a narcissist. Honestly, I think it’s crap. I call these people jerks and liars, I am sure I’ve met plenty as they are a good percentage of the population but I don’t actually know anyone like this. I wouldn’t say I am picky with people, my screening process is whether I like you or not in the first 10 minutes of chatting. I have to say, I’ve never been duped, I can’t think of anyone in my life that I say more than hi to him/her and he/she fits the above description. I have roommates like this and believe it or not, after 1 year and  5 months we only say hi (that’s in the good days). Never argued though because I never engaged with them more than 20 minutes the past 1 year and 5 months.

 

I would consider narcissist someone like Victor Lustig who sold the Eiffel towel twice (coolest thing I’ve ever read)

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/man-who-sold-eiffel-tower-twice-180958370/

His commandments:

1. Be a patient listener (it is this, not fast talking, that gets a con-man his coups).

2. Never look bored.

3. Wait for the other person to reveal any political opinions, then agree with them.

4. Let the other person reveal religious views, then have the same ones.

5. Hint at sex talk, but don’t follow it up unless the other fellow shows a strong interest.

6. Never discuss illness, unless some special concern is shown.

7. Never pry into a person’s personal circumstances (they’ll tell you all eventually).

8. Never boast. Just let your importance be quietly obvious.

9. Never be untidy.

10. Never get drunk.

We certainly agree on 1,5,7,8,10 lol. Anyway, this is charm and charisma, a person like the fellow above could be described as a narcissist, not the jerk next door with single digit IQ.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sh*t, I should be working overtime now; I am feeling very tired today, it’s easier to philosophize lol

Edited by dias
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, dias said:

Honestly, I think it’s crap. I call these people jerks and liars, I am sure I’ve met plenty as they are a good percentage of the population but I don’t actually know anyone like this.

There's a good book out there called, "Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You," and it actually classifies people into different levels of how jerky they are, from 1st degree jerks to the extremely difficult 3rd degree jerks.

I think severe narcissists typically fall into the 3rd degree jerk level, which means they probably can't change or be helped 😕 .  

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, dias said:

The word “narcissist” is thrown a lot in this forum.

It is a commonly used term these days, for sure. I get sick of hearing it, but I hesitate to say that it's overused. The fact is, we live in a narcissistic society. It's been this way for decades.

It's easy for us, who have grown up in a society of jerks and liars, to say, "Well, you have to be a jerk and a liar to run the world." But, it could not have been this way for the whole course of human history. The pattern is too destructive. 

Slowly, over the last hundred years or so, the tolerance for narcissism has increased. Probably because TV and radio (and now smartphones!) made it seem normal. It's not normal, though. So, I think it's worth discussing the dynamic, even if it does sound like the most annoying song in the world being played on repeat.

As far as people being love bombed, you are right: people who have low or injured self-esteem are most vulnerable. But that's what makes the narcissistic dynamic so destructive, and so important to question. It exploits the vulnerable, and justifies that exploitation by saying the weak should be stronger (blame the victim mentality).

That's ironic, because the point of society is truly to protect the weak. We forget that all human beings are pathetically weak as compared to the rest of nature, and that if we weren't able to rely on each other we'd all be wolf meat.

Edited by Jibralta
Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

It exploits the vulnerable, and justifies that exploitation by saying the weak should be stronger (blame the victim mentality).

If you forget your wallet on a bench in the park and you don't find it when you come back, who is to blame? you or the person who took it? In my opinion both. You can't change the world but you can change yourself and be less forgetful the next time. 

My point is, you need to take care of yourself because nobody else will and nobody else should, it's not their job. You can forget your wallet in the park every time and you can blame the thief every time but nothing will change.

As for the "big fish eats small fish" mentality, I think you need to address your concerns to mother nature....or God. He is not very responsive though, I warn you!

If you ask me personally, I don't take pleasure in duping people, especially people who are not on my level. It's like being a professional tennis player who plays with the local kids to win, what is the point? 

I love to play though, I am pretty sly and naughty, I am truly intrigued when I find people like me to play hahahaha. Too bad I found it in a girl who is already taken. Ahhhhhh........ diamonds are so rare......

Edited by dias
Link to post
Share on other sites
43 minutes ago, dias said:

My point is, you need to take care of yourself because nobody else will and nobody else should, it's not their job. You can forget your wallet in the park every time and you can blame the thief every time but nothing will change.

As for the "big fish eats small fish" mentality, I think you need to address your concerns to mother nature....or God.

It's true, we live and learn. But my point is, we have the ability to be more than animals. If we want to keep enjoying our non-animal society, then most of us have to act better than animals. A couple freeloaders can be supported. But a healthy balance must remain. Right now, I think we (as a species) are tipping that balance.

43 minutes ago, dias said:

Too bad I found it in a girl who is already taken. Ahhhhhh........ diamonds are so rare......

It's interesting that your feelings have increased like this right when you're about to leave. Fear of commitment, do you think?

Edited by Jibralta
Link to post
Share on other sites
51 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

It's interesting that your feelings have increased like this right when you're about to leave. Fear of commitment, do you think?

🙂

Of course I have commitment issues, big time, but I don't really believe my case is that I want something I can't have. I am saying this because my brain does not function this way.

Can I find other girls with similar personality if I start dating like it's a second job? Yes and no.

Yes there are playful and witty people out there. No because I haven't met someone else who is as playful and witty. And it's not only this, she is a mathematician (big +), pretty (++), spent a lot of time in Greece and loves the culture(her parents had a house there), we worked together, I know how she works, she likes to appear whatever but she is very disciplined, she improved the quality of her work a lot which means she is a person who likes to get better (+++), I can go on and on...and a bonus, she is slim with big boobs, quite compelling physical attribute, especially for men who appreciate the finer things in life lol.... all I am saying is, statistically speaking the percentage of women likes this around my age is very small.

 

In fact, my feelings have subsided because I haven't seen her (and can’t have her anyway). And I am not 15 years old to let me feelings govern me. Ok, not govern me for long haha

Fun fact, her boyfriend liked a couple of my comments on FB. Ok they were funny comments, I guess this is why, still found it strange/funny. At first glance, he seemed a normal guy, not a jerk, not a wimp, pretty normal, he works in IT too. He must be a nice guy. Hope he enjoys the mental stimulation, I wish them well!

 

Edited by dias
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...