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I had one last private call on Microsoft meetings with the British girl at work. I had my camera on, she had it off – claimed she just finished working out and she didn’t look good lol. It was a work related call but before she hung up I told her “Hannah before you go I want to tell you something now that I am leaving the company. I want to tell you that I like you, I don’t just like you, I like you a lot, you are very funny and perceptive, I love talking to you, I love your voice, it’s a shame you are not single…maybe in the next life”

 

She replied “thank you, you’ve been a great friend and team member, I will miss you etc etc”. She replied exactly as I expected. Am I sad? Not at all. I don’t get emotionally invested. I was curious to see how she would reply – and I am feeling frisky today lol. She likes to play, I like to play, she likes the attention, I like giving attention. No harm done!

 

I feel frisky these days, it’s been a while since I flirted with a girl. I truly enjoy it. This freakin pandemic has f*cked everything up.

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They all requested a speech. I told them I am not giving a speech. They insisted.

 

So I rehearsed a bit.

 

“No I am not going to give a speech...apparently…but I want to thank you guys..I want to thank you all of you. Everyone taught me something during difference stages the past 1 year and 4 months and I am really grateful about this. It’s a pity we didn’t spend more time in the office together and I never met some of you in real life but even virtually I had a great time and learned many new things. I am not going to lie, I am very excited about this new job but at the same time I am sad I am leaving the company. Not because I love the software tool we are using that much but because I will miss working with you. You are a great team, always willing to help me, I had a great time and a lot of fun working with you. If you ever come to Norwich or Athens, drop me a message on FB. I wish all the best to everyone whatever you do in your life and hopefully we will meet again someday”

 

 

So the replies were “this was a pretty good speech, you must have rehearsed” lol. I think it was ok enough, I added the necessary pauses and sentiment of course which makes all the difference!

 

I will miss them for real though, I really like most of them. One more than others…a lot more!

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Very emotional day today……..

 

When someone is leaving the company, we buy them some smalls gifts. This time I was the recipient. Since the first lockdown happened, we have been sending them by courier. The British girl from work wanted to drop by to give me the gifts in person.

 

I suggested we get a coffee in the city centre and walk on the docks. Her boyfriend gave her a ride and then he went to McDonald’s to eat something until we were done with the stroll.

We were both a bit nervous at first, we hadn’t seen each other in person since March… long time…. She was a bit more nervous than me but I always have a couple of light subjects to get the ball rolling. Every British has been to Greek islands (she wasn’t the exception) so I always start with this.

 

We grabbed a coffee and we started walking and talking. We talked about work initially. Then I told her “you know, we never spent much time together in the office before covid, I never got to know you” so the conversation became more personal and we started talking about more private stuff. I am not sure about her but I had a good time and she seemed to enjoy my company. She looked me in the eyes and kept eye contact many times so at least she wasn’t avoiding me. After an hour of chatting I told her “What I said on Thursday was true, I said it for real. You are clever and funny, you are very witty and playful which I love, I find you very sexy and attractive. I was very disappointed when I learned you have a boyfriend, I wanted to ask you out”. She looked me in the eyes, she didn’t say anything. Then we started chatting about other things again. She gave me the gifts, I thanked her and I asked her if I can have a kiss on the cheek. She said of course and I kissed her on the cheek. Yes I know, very childish, I haven’t asked for a kiss on the cheek even as a teenager, dunno, I became wimpy for a few minutes. I also gave her a small gift. In December I asked her if she would like a keepsake from Greece and she mentioned something. I bought it but I didn’t really expect we would meet again….

 

I walked her to the car where her boyfriend was waiting. We hugged (friendly hug), I told her I will miss her, she told me I will be missed (not the same) and we parted ways. I don’t know if she told him something, I guess not though because we didn’t cross the line and she had to give me the gifts anyway.

So basically I expressed my feelings in my always chilled not-pushy way, she didn’t say anything more than I will be missed and that she was grateful we were on the same team etc.  Overall, she remained very neutral, not taken aback, not giving any “green light” either. It went as I expected.

I want to believe when she looked me in the eyes she felt something but again this is what I want to believe. Hmm, she was the one who started being flirty in the office. The first day in the office, she looked me in the eyes without breaking eye contact for more than 2 minutes. I am not kidding. She is above average looking but not a head-turner for sure, I reciprocated the eye contact but it was for fun. Girls check me out all the time and there are some bold ones who keep eye contact for many seconds but never like this. And here I am now thinking about her more than she is thinking about me.

I was a bit funny, a bit serious when needed, always chilled, I felt comfortable. I did the best I could performance-wise. It’s not a contest but when you like someone that much you want to give the best impression you can.

As I mentioned a few months back, she is my ideal girl based on realistic standards.

Did she feel anything for me? I will never know and I will most likely never see her again….

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I thought if I tell her my feelings it would be "liberating". That I would think about her less. It turns out I think about her more now. Maybe I shouldn't have told her anything. Dunno. But then I wouldn't forgive myself for being a p*ssy. At least now I was man enough to tell her exactly what I think. 

I feel sh*tty today. 

It will take me a few days to stop thinking about her. 

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30 minutes ago, dias said:

I thought if I tell her my feelings it would be "liberating". That I would think about her less. It turns out I think about her more now. Maybe I shouldn't have told her anything. Dunno. But then I wouldn't forgive myself for being a p*ssy. At least now I was man enough to tell her exactly what I think. 

I feel sh*tty today. 

It will take me a few days to stop thinking about her. 

I don't think what you did was wrong... she wasn't married so it's not like you were crossing some boundary that makes it clearly wrong.  

My guess is that she may have feelings for you, but then she may also feel bad because she's, "in a relationship."  Whether she really enjoys that relationship is debatable, but if they ever break up, there's a chance you both could get together because she now knows you were attracted to her.  That's a good thing.

I knew my husband was attracted to me when I was dating another guy so I cut things off with him and was just friendly... but once I broke up, it didn't take him too long to start becoming more than friends to me and I fell REALLY really hard for him.  Previously I kept any feelings like that completely at bay (felt almost nothing since I was committed to the other guy).  

But a big part of me falling hard was him letting me know he had feelings for me... and then it just escalated after that.

So... if she ever does break up, then she'll already know you are relationship material in her mind.

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28 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

My guess is that she may have feelings for you, but then she may also feel bad because she's, "in a relationship."  Whether she really enjoys that relationship is debatable, but if they ever break up, there's a chance you both could get together because she now knows you were attracted to her.  That's a good thing.

This is my secret hope. 

I doubt they will break up anytime soon. She is 23 (6 years younger than me), they got together when they were 18 and they already live together (paying mortgage etc). It seems/is serious. But again they were very young when they got together, maybe it won't last, who knows...?

I also doubt I will ever see her again in person. I will relocate soon anyways. 

I just wanted a proper kiss, it would have defined everything. 

I chuckled at the "relationship material", not me normally, for her though yes I would be a great relationship material. I guess in the end everything comes down to how much you want something. 

Thanks MB 🙂

 

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1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

My guess is that she may have feelings for you, but then she may also feel bad because she's, "in a relationship."

I'm thinking along these lines. Although, I have no idea whether she "feels bad" or not. All I can say is, if it was me, I'd honor my relationship even if I had a little crush on the other guy. 

1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I knew my husband was attracted to me when I was dating another guy so I cut things off with him and was just friendly... Previously I kept any feelings like that completely at bay (felt almost nothing since I was committed to the other guy).  

Similar with my boyfriend and I. We've known each other since childhood. We ran into each other in our 20s and started hanging out. There was a mutual attraction between us. But we kept things on the friendship level because we were each spoken for. His relationship lasted more than 5 years. Then he had another relationship that lasted more than 5 years. We lost touch during those 10+ years. But we reconnected, and the rest is history.

So, this girl's long term relationship may be a non issue. I'm not saying you should put your life on hold for her--I certainly didn't! But sometimes things do work out unexpectedly.

I think she was right not to kiss you, though.

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14 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

if I had a little crush on the other guy. 

So, this girl's long term relationship may be a non issue. I'm not saying you should put your life on hold for her--I certainly didn't! But sometimes things do work out unexpectedly.

I think she was right not to kiss you, though.

Hopefully she doesn't have just a little crush on me, mine is certainly not little. We didn't cross the line, she certainly honored her relationship. I don't think she in a bad relationship, I met the guy once, he appeared to be very normal and cool. I think she just doesn't hear nice words and compliments from her boyfriend that often. And from what I've observed she likes to be wanted. Who doesn't though? It's human nature. 

I can't put my life on hold even if I wanted because life goes on without asking me lol. 

I asked for a kiss on the cheek, I wouldn't ask for a proper kiss and she wouldn't accept it anyway. The French kiss was just a wishful thought!

 

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I can’t babysit and play therapist with my parents anymore. I am doing it and will continue doing it because I care about them and I love them but you would think at the age of 65 and 60 they would have their sh*t together.

My father called me today petrified because he had to drive my mother to the hospital. She had a severe panic attack. I understand she lost her mother and she has no one from her family (my dad does not count as family for her) but her emotional pain is self-inflicted. She is an extremely emotional person which is an absolute nightmare for herself and everybody else and she is hyper-sensitive to external stimuli. A dog pooped in the park right across the house and she gets so riled up and emotional. Bad genetics….

I’ve been listening and playing the therapist for both of my parents many years now. It’s not normal, this is such a dysfunctional dynamic.  I swear, since my first day in this world I’ve been listening to the exact same cassette. Fights, criticism, swearing from both sides. “Your dad is like this and that” “your mother is like this and that”. They never get this motherf*cking divorce. You know how many times I told them they should divorce because it will be beneficial for their mental health? It shouldn’t be me doing this thing…we are talking about an abnormal situation here.

“Your mother is crazy and controlling”,”your father is an insensitive arrogant cheater”. They are very different and complete opposite personalities. So I tell them “what do you do when sth/sb stresses you out? You remove the stressor from your life, right?” But no, there is so much ego and pseudo-pride involved that they both prefer to be freaking miserable. My mother is also against psychiatrists and drugs so go figure. Hopefully after this incident she will visit a neurologist and a psychiatrist (doctors at the hospital told her she has to do it if she doesn’t want her health to deteriorate).

If you ask me why I have to listen to their sh*t, it’s because they are my parents and I love them. My brother does not really care, I am the only one my parents have, notably my mother since she does not want to go to the shrink. She will go completely cuckoo if I stop listening to her. I listen to my father because he has to tell his sh*t to someone too and because I love him. I will take the first plane if necessary but this is not a healthy situation whatsoever. I can't travel to Athens just because they are stupid, it's not feasible or sustainable. 

It was my first day in this new job. I had a nice virtual introduction and I “met” the people I will be working with. Everyone above 45, different dynamics at this company. Anyway, I had a good time but then my father called me and f*cked my day up. I have a life and my own sh*t to deal with, I don’t want to babysit two old babies (I am insulting the babies, babies are more mature). I left Greece at 25 but I should have left at 18. 25 years with them, I am telling you, you don’t get the best impression about relationships.  

And I am dumping my sh*t on ENA…..

Edited by dias
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On 2/1/2021 at 8:34 AM, dias said:

If you ask me why I have to listen to their sh*t, it’s because they are my parents and I love them.

I think it's wonderful you love your parents so much Dias ❤️  it is very kind of you to do this... BUT you also HAVE to take care of yourself and protect yourself.  

They are old enough to understand how to get help.  Yes, your mom probably should be on even just a tiny amount (super small dose could do it probably!) of an anti-anxiety or anti-psychotic.  She'd become a completely different person and you'd be amazed how much easier your life would be if she would do this for her family's sake.  

Her not taking care of herself, it's selfish ultimately.  Please don't think I'm trying to be mean to her, I feel like I can see the compassion you have and love you have, and I'm just trying to help you, "see," the other side of what her actions mean.  Her refusing to take care of herself psychologically is bad for you in your life.  It's stress that will ultimately harm you.  It's also bad for your brother (which is probably why he's taken the self-protective route and has gotten far away as possible (I'm guessing?) and with how she's causing major problems for him in his marriage (!!!!) that's going to probably force him to feel like he absolutely has to cut them out of his life.  It's very very tragic!  But she's pushing people away by refusing to do what is right (morally right here).  

I know you don't like talk of morals :D but this applies to other things as well.  Think about if it wasn't their mental health, but they refused to take care of themselves financially and then expecting you and your brother to bear the HUGE weight of paying all their bills etc.  At some point, you and your brother may have to help them do that, but it shouldn't be before they're actually physically and financially unable to do it themselves.  

In other words, it'd be morally wrong for them to refuse to take care of themselves financially before they really need and require that kind of major help from their adult kids.  It'd be taking financial resources from you or your brother that they shouldn't be taking yet.  It's the exact same with the mental health, it's just harder to, "see," that because you're not seeing your bank account get depleted... yet you are feeling depleted right?  They're taking stuff from you, stuff you're not going to get back (largely your mental health) and at some point, it crosses a line where it actually does become morally wrong for a parent to act like this too much.

Ok... have to go teach the kids, but hopefully that helps a little.  

I think you're doing great, I think this is just really really hard and it's not fair (to any of you).  And even though as much as you love them, you really do need to take care of yourself and your own well-being and not let them, "steal," too much from your emotional and mental bank account.  You have a strong and well-funded account, I can tell, but you need to start seeing it financially that they are taking out funds (from you) when they vent etc. and ultimately that depletes you overtime.  

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Thank you for your post MB 🙂 I agree with everything. There are a couple of your posts I want to reply but they require some thinking, so I am putting them off until I have more time.

On 1/31/2021 at 7:59 PM, dias said:

Hopefully she doesn't have just a little crush on me, mine is certainly not little.

The reason I found this girl so attractive was because she was super playful, witty and a fine actress. She had the perfect balance/mixture of “bad girl” and “good girl” traits. It’s quite rare, notably for a math graduate. You can probably find it in showgirls/saleswomen/actresses but certainly not in the IT industry. You get the type I am talking about? like Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct etc etc.

I find it so strange she didn’t have a crowd of guys following her. I noticed she was always around guys and guys found her entertaining (because she was funny) but nothing more than this. You would think most guys would find this type of girl very sexy and attractive. Bizarre. I am intrigued by girls who can outwit me. Maybe you need to be on the same wavelength to appreciate it! As they say it takes one to know one!

 

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17 hours ago, dias said:

The reason I found this girl so attractive was because she was super playful, witty and a fine actress. She had the perfect balance/mixture of “bad girl” and “good girl” traits. It’s quite rare, notably for a math graduate. You can probably find it in showgirls/saleswomen/actresses but certainly not in the IT industry. You get the type I am talking about? like Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct etc etc.

 

I totally understand 👍

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19 hours ago, dias said:

I noticed she was always around guys and guys found her entertaining (because she was funny) but nothing more than this. 

Those guys may have had crushes on her, too. 

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2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Those guys may have had crushes on her, too. 

Possibly! But they always talked about the hot women of the office lol. It was an accounting firm, plenty of gorgeous women. Who knows though...? I mean it would be strange if someone didn't like her.

Besides, although the majority of people find someone who is witty and playful entertaining it does not mean they find these elements erotic. Playfulness for me is 90% of what we normally would call chemistry. I don't think most people perceive playfulness the same way I do. 

All these years I haven't written similar words for other girls, right? She mentally stimulates me!

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1 hour ago, dias said:

But they always talked about the hot women of the office lol.

Did you abstain from weighing in on the hotness of the other women? Just curious, because I have a theory... but I'll tell you after you answer.

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29 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Did you abstain from weighing in on the hotness of the other women? Just curious, because I have a theory... but I'll tell you after you answer.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha no I didn't. I am guy, the brain automatically evaluates hot women in the environment.  There were many truly stunning women in the office - and you know I have a good taste lol.

What this has to do with anything though? Physical attraction is one thing but definitely not everything even for me that I have an eye for beauty. Sure an important parameter in the equation but there are many parameters. 

Oh you mean the other guys talked about the hot women in the office but had a crush on her? Yeah that makes sense.

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1 hour ago, dias said:

Oh you mean the other guys talked about the hot women in the office but had a crush on her? Yeah that makes sense.

Yeah, I wonder if that's why she got left out of the banter. Or even, because they interact with her on a friendly basis, it made it feel weird to talk about her like that. 

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17 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Yeah, I wonder if that's why she got left out of the banter. Or even, because they interact with her on a friendly basis, it made it feel weird to talk about her like that. 

Seems very likely. Well if she mesmerized so many guys kudos to her 🙂

It's a pity I won't see her again but life goes on. The new company seems promising. They told me I made an excellent first impression to everybody on the team. Now it's about proving I am doing quality work.

I like them. I also believe it's a position with prospects and for long term investment. This gut feeling that the future will be brighter is still there. Good sign.

 

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Bro’s wife had a surgery yesterday, unfortunately she got retinal detachment in one of her eyes. It is very likely to happen to people with myopia. You suddenly see shapes and your vision becomes blurry. It needs to be treated urgently otherwise you go blind permanently. In the meantime, you should not do anything except for lying in bed.

 

Bro told me the surgery went well. Fortunately, her insurance covered emergencies (it would cost 30K otherwise). She has to stay at home for a couple of weeks but it seems the surgery went well and she will convalesce fast without any complications.

 

My brother was really stressed out, it was the first time he had to deal with this sort of situation in his life. It is already difficult to navigate through the heath care system in your home country, being a foreigner usually adds one more layer of difficulty. Thankfully, this time it wasn’t like this. The medical staff at the hospital in Boston were very efficient and helpful, the surgeon was a friend of a friend of bro, the surgery went smoothly, hope it ends well.

 

When you have myopia the doctors say no lifting weights, no strenuous activities of any kind (intense cardio included) and no working in front of the computer many hours. I doubt she lifted more than the pink dumbbells in the gym…who knows what caused it. Generally, everything that could cause pressure on your eyes should be avoided. My father got retinal detachment twice and I do everything the doctors recommend not to, it’s safe to assume I have 200% chance of getting retinal detachment in the future.

 

I used to believe I am invincible and I would never have any health issues but it turned out I was living in the fantasy land. I need to be prepared for this contingency, I have national insurance that covers emergencies but the problem is in the emergency department the doctors are usually the newbies without much experience. For serious surgeries you don’t want a newbie doctor to experiment on you. First of all, I need to find out who are the doctors in the UK that have good reputation for eye surgeries. Secondly, I will probably need private health insurance. I am pretty sure I have a discount as an employee at my current job and as it happens it is the largest insurance company in the UK, however, even with the discount it will take a good chuck of my salary. I don’t know if I can afford it yet.

 

My father had my mom, bro’s wife had my brother, I am alone…I have to plan for every contingency.

 

 

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Should I text her to come by for a coffee on the docks? The only chance she would accept it, it would be if she brings her boyfriend along…

Siiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. Why it never happens like in the movies? Why don’t they have a fall out for no apparent reason?

God, do me a favor for once……………and I will start believing....I promise you I will start going to the church on Sundays.

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Just now, maritalbliss86 said:

😂LOL I don't think it works like that!!! 

He has to give me a sign, how else I am supposed to know? I am just asking for a small fall out between two mere mortals. That's it. No, actually after the fall out she needs to fall in love with me otherwise it would be a half-*ss job. Not asking for much, am I? 

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