predictive text ...

[donacha 1]

Hi.been seeing small little signs thats made me feel really insecure in my relationship lately i just feel with my gut that alls not well an there may be someone else on the scene...ive started a new job..an our sex life has become non existant lately...an she always asks when im home ...ive noticed small little things which i wont go into that are beginning to add up ..just now im in work and on a quick break..im texting her..an i get this random text..calling??

I text back an say whats that mean..an she replies its a predictive text error...i hit random buttons as i put down the fone an the fone sent this to u!

Now...i know its a small thing but...im thinkin thats meant for someone else an was sent to me instead.

Just a lot of things really dont add up lately and im thinkin its time for a chat...about where we stand .

Before i do..just need a bit of advice..am i being paranoid or does that sound like its a typical text error??

[donacha 1]

Since then shes texted to say shes decided to stay at home today an do some housework before she leaves for work at 12 midday ...everyday she religiously goes to the gym for her morning workout ..never misses it .

Just another sign?..or again is this all in my head.

[IAmFCA]

Sadly, I think your instincts are right.

 

Stop and breathe for a minute. Think of cheating as a symptom. What underlying issues existed so that she turned to someone else?

[donacha 1]

I cant pinpoint when it started but theres been the different ringtones messaging her...she has different tones assigned for different people

And again this may seem nothing...but if i was working nites locally ..im a nurse working for an agency an am stationed in different hospitals daily. She would insist in driving me to an from work

An when im far away she suggests i stay in a b and b .in case im tired after working 12 hours....before this she couldnt bear to be seperated from me.

Shes started sending me fotos of herself made up at morning...something we used to do when we dated at first but havnt in a long time ...i think they are for someone else but sends them to me just to keep me off the scent.

Her fone is like fort knox and when i do bring anything up she gets annoyed and makes me feel bad for suggesting things

Always has an explination but gives it in a way that makes me feel like ive done something wrong

[donacha 1]

It just seems to be so subtle ...like shes a master at manipulation .

To be honest she tells everyone on facebook how much she loves me ...but i just think its a smokescreen .i cannot prove anything but im convinced theres something going on .ive seen little signs throughout the house thats made me go hmmmmm

If shes playing me. Shes very good

But my gut screams to me im not goung crazy. .was thinking of saying in working a day and just arrive home early ...just to see

[donacha 1]

In response to your question

I have always treated her as a lady since the first day we met..i have opened doors i massage her feet when she comes in from work i sit an brush her hair an pamper her any way i can .

Sex used to be fantastic an before all this we hadnt one cross word.

Weve always laughed and enjoyed eachothers company .

So i honestly dont know!

Somehow maybe ive just bored her and maybe shes needing more .

I just dont know ...everything is all so subtle so clever.

I just dont know and its really killing me inside...i do know that if i chat itll be turned around an shell have believing im crazy .

So i think catching her out is the only way

Thank you for replying to me

Donnacha

[Lester]

What are your ages?

How long have you been together?

Do you live together?

Do you have kids?

Have you made plans for marriage?

[donacha 1]

Im 46

She 49

10 years

Yes

No

We are .

[Lester]

What are some of the details of the marriage plans?

[donacha 1]

Was planning on finally marrying next august .

[Lester]

Can you give more info?

 

August 2016 or 2017?

Did you propose and give her a ring? If so, when?

Did she accept?

Was she excited?

Did she tell friends?

If this was all happening, what do you think changed it?

Did you have a fight?

Were you, (ever), abusive?

etc.

[fantom1399]

In response to your question

I have always treated her as a lady since the first day we met..i have opened doors i massage her feet when she comes in from work i sit an brush her hair an pamper her any way i can .

Donnacha

 

It sounds like you are more like her best girlfriend instead of her husband/boyfriend. I'm sure girls like to be pampered once in a while but it sounds to me like she needs a man too. Try taking her out to something you guys did before. be spontaneous. take control.

 

I'm not saying she is cheating on you but if she is, then she's probably out looking someone who can be those things.

[donacha 1]

Yes she was excited..i went down on one knee and we planned it for next aug 2017.

But something has changed ...no i have never been abusive in my life to anyone ....i have always treated her as a lady and have always put her first.

As i said in the thread i cant put a timeline on it but before we were inseperable..an we always talked through our problems over a cuppa drew a line under it an moved on as a couple...but lately she doesnt seem to engage like this..but rather turns the point around and manipulates the outcome to make me feel small...i just feel that after all these years shes gotten bored an maybe wants a fling or has genuinely met someone an is strenghtening that relationship ..if that makes sense .

[Lester]

Men love to figure and make sense of things..., that won't work with her.

 

That said,

When, (date), did you propose?

Did you give her a ring?

Did she accept and wear it? (has she stopped wearing it?)

Did she tell family/friends?

Did you have a fight?

[Liraele]

Show up randomly during the day when you know she's home/she thinks you're safely tucked away at work. You're partners, that's not weird.

 

If you're this suspicious, I'd say you need to do something to put your mind at ease OR figure out for sure.

[gigiselle]

Hi.been seeing small little signs thats made me feel really insecure in my relationship lately i just feel with my gut that alls not well an there may be someone else on the scene...ive started a new job..an our sex life has become non existant lately...an she always asks when im home ...ive noticed small little things which i wont go into that are beginning to add up ..just now im in work and on a quick break..im texting her..an i get this random text..calling??

I text back an say whats that mean..an she replies its a predictive text error...i hit random buttons as i put down the fone an the fone sent this to u!

Now...i know its a small thing but...im thinkin thats meant for someone else an was sent to me instead.

Just a lot of things really dont add up lately and im thinkin its time for a chat...about where we stand .

Before i do..just need a bit of advice..am i being paranoid or does that sound like its a typical text error??

 

 

So you text and receive a text by that reads "calling?" Whenever you text you get this response? I don't get it.

[donacha 1]

Hi gigiselle..no..as we were texting she sent a random text random text to me which had noting to do with the convo..it just went calling??

Now when i asked what she meant..she took a while to come back an said as she was putting down her fone her fingers hit random buttons as the screen was still open..an the predictive text sent it to me as calling??

Now i think that text was meant for someone else an it was sent to me..and later she cancelled her morning gym session...unheard of ..to do housework...

To be honest..its just another small thing in a long list of small things that are starting to add up .

[gigiselle]

Was planning on finally marrying next august .

 

I know on some phones there is a way of pushing a button and it automatically sends a message like "driving, call you later", and things like that. Go online and find out what features her phone has. She's sending pics like she used to...maybe she wants to flirt with you. Different ringtones...most people have more than one person calling. As fat as skipping the gym one day...we all occasionally make a random chance. The wanting for you to sleep somewhere else overnight struck me as odd. Unless you complain about how exhausted you are and how tired you are coming home. I think you need to be sure you're not getting insecure..was it you or her that postponed the wedding? Sorry...can't recall. You're saying she's a "master manipulator", why on earth would you want to commit to her. And btw--don't listen to anyone that says rubbing her feet, opening doors puts you in a friend category. When I worked my husband would rub my feet...I thought it was sweet, intimate and I really appreciated it. I'm not going anywhere with a man who won't open doors...that's just me though.

[Wiseman2]

You've been together quite some time and live together. Are you suspecting an affair? Odd for a woman getting married very soon? Did these oddities start after the wedding plans? Are you having any reservations?

Im 46

She 49

10 years

Yes

No

We are .

[gigiselle]

Donacha 1: I forgot to ask if you had been on call or had to pull a double shift the day she suggested to sleep elsewhere.

[IAmFCA]

Trust your instincts.

 

Some random ideas:

 

Suggest pre-marital counseling. A way to check in on the relationship. Forget about the cheating. Listen for a lack of emotional intimacy. My guess is she is missing having a deeper, more substantive connection with you.

 

Being treated like a goddess is enchanting. Goddesses are not real. I wonder if she feels like you two are peers, equals. If she feels that you see the inside of her, the core of her character. If she thinks you "get" her.

 

Example: my exH used to make me tea, buy me big showy gifts. But he didn't feel me, didn't yearn for a date to play with me, didn't even like my personality it seemed to me. Never played sports with me but ran with our neighbor's wife, not with me. I ran with her husband. I am 80% sure the two of them had an affair; their friendship continues to this day despite serious transgressions on her part, and she and her husband are divorced.

 

Anyway I wanted no gifts or vacations. I wanted him to enjoy my company. Not to serve me, but to engage me. To receive me by listening, evaluating my ideas, holding me while talking freely.

 

Without that, gifts of goods and service were meaningless to me.

[donacha 1]

Morning guys n ladies...an thank u so much for replying...all great advice thanks...as for the staying away after a long shift..thats been new as she always loved that i would come home to her..so out of character ...we were always really intimate but that seems to have stopped as of late...now its not completely dead ..just enough to make me feel wanted...but nothing like before...its as if shes just keeping me sweet.

Everything on the outside does look completely innocent and is totally explainable as ye have said....and thsts why its soooo subtle ...so well planned

That anyone woukd just say..ah come on ..theres nothing going on.

But i just feel like im being played ..cant shake it ...so im gonna come back early one day next week and see .

Ill keep ye posted .

 

Thanks so much everyone.

This has meant a lot to me xx

[Lester]

Avoidance, endlessly repeating dogma, and playing Dic(k) Tracy only wastes more time.

 

An in-love finance doesn't cheat while an out-of-love woman does.

Understanding the former is your only hope.

[Wiseman2]

This is a great idea for any couple whether they are having problems or not.

Suggest pre-marital counseling. A way to check in on the relationship.

[gigiselle]

Donacha1:

What I see is a man feeling insecure about commitment. Truth be told are no guarantees in life. You may feel it's your last chance to find out wether she's on board or not. Sometimes insecurities also trigger the person you're with. My husband started snooping on me(I had NEVER even looked at his cell) and now I feel were unraveling. I've never cheated on him but --he opened that door. He accused me of cheating, broke into my e-mail, blogs, etc...Now I wonder why? Why did he suspect me(even after years of being together). Made me think maybe he was cheating himself...opened a can of worms. Be careful!! You don't want to ruin a good thing...