Sperm donation gone wrong

[Ms Darcy]

Just caught up on this thread and it sounds like you have a path forward for more amicable discussions. I hope that your bf takes more of a lead in the future as the father of both children not only to help set the tone for positive interactions but also to facilitate a relationship between his sibling children.

 

Good luck.

[East4]

Sperm donners do not qualify as "fathers" per se. The legislation, in Europe at least, obligates them to stay away from the child's life as the child legally is a child of the couple who requested the insemination. The same applies to surrogate mothers, they should stay away from the child's life, unless the child on his initiative after reaching age of legal adulthood (18 yo here) inquires on the name of his/her biological parent.

 

So, at least legally this lesbian couple is in the wrong to expect any involvement of OP's BF in the child life. The insemination was a business transaction (sperm for roof), not a commitment to fatherhood as it is understood in the classical sense. The child has a father in the face of one of the lesbians. That was the whole idea of donnorship right? Were the terms of the transaction discussed? Is there something signed on paper?

 

The problem is that OP's BF failed to establish clear boundaries and he agreed to take part in a weird trio, where he accepted tacitly by failure of objecting the request, to play a role in the child life and even more importantly in the life of this lesbian couple. I believe these ladies have developed some territorial feelings towards him, like he is some sort of possession, or slave to them. I also very much doubt that a woman can be a 100% lesbian and I believe that a residual attraction to men always remain in lesbians. I have read an interesting psychology article where they compare the gay to lesbian transformation features, and the bottom line is that while with gays they are either guy, or not gay, i.e. the status is very distinct, female sexuality follows more fluctuating, wave-like movement, where a woman, depending on her phase of life can effortlessly transition to being attracted to men, then to women and go back to men. While once a guy is gay, he remains as such and cannot go back. So, I do think that these lesbians are jealous on a romantic level, although of course they would deny it.

 

So, in a nutshell, yes, OP is right to demand her BF to be hers and I would go even further and advise her to put her foot down and request that her BF cuts all contact with this lesbian couple and the child. And no, legally the little girl born out of the donnership is not half a sister of the OP's child.

 

Failure to draw a clear line, OP risks to find herself in a very unhealthy absurd situation where she takes part in a sort of harem, where her BF is the sultan and all the concubines are in competition for his attention...and sperm ;-)

Of course, this works fine for a man, but any mentally sane woman would avoid putting herself in such a mess. OP, I would encourage you to spell very clearly to your BF that you wouldn't accept sharing him with the lesbian couple. If he fails to respond positively to your request, you'd better off without him, but with his child support payments. If he has some brains left, he will chose you and your child.

 

Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Very well said. The bf and the couple are over-involved.

Sperm donners do not qualify as "fathers" per se. The legislation, in Europe at least, obligates them to stay away from the child's life as the child legally is a child of the couple who requested the insemination. So, at least legally this lesbian couple is in the wrong to expect any involvement of OP's BF in the child life. The problem is that OP's BF failed to establish clear boundaries and he agreed to take part in a weird trio

[East4]

I'd like to add that OP's boyfriend would be wise to tight up all lose ends in terms of signing of official document with these ladies that the donorship does not legally bind him to any financial obligations towards the child. I have read at least 2 cases in the internet, where a lesbian couple would convince some stupid man to father a child, then when the lesbian couple splits, the woman who is stuck with the child has no money to support the child and guess what happens? She sued the donner man to paid her child support. Nice, right?

 

So, OP I would dig these cases out in the internet, show them to your BF, because something is telling him that he hasn't covered his a$$ legally. So, he'd better get something done on paper, preferably notary registered with these girls, before their idyllic lesbian couple blows up. The fact that these girls are so insistent in having him with them, tells me that it is not all roses and Champaign between them. If they were completely satisfied within their lesbian relationship, they wouldn't have objected and run all this hate campaign against you, when you BF started withdrawing from them.

[Wiseman2]

Yes indeed.

OP's boyfriend would be wise to tight up all lose ends in terms of signing of official document with these ladies that the donorship does not legally bind him to any financial obligations towards the child.