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So frustrated!


cortneys11

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The "ex" came over numerous times this week after our counseling session, we get along fine, he's texting me, all of his stuff is still here even though he has said before that he will get it out. It's been 17 days since our fight where he left. So I ask when are you coming home? And he still says I don't know or I'm still thinking.. How much longer is he going to think? I am working on things and he sees it, we have another counseling session on Wednesday too. He is graduating a school program on Thursday and he gave me an invitation. Im obviously not giving up on us and after 11 years there are things to fight to stay together for but what is his deal?

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How much longer is he going to think?

 

As long as you allow him to. You're giving him the message than he can come and go at his own leisure...how easy is that? Either way, I think he'll be singing a different tune if you stop being a doormat, and respect yourself.

 

Keep in mind that we set the standards for how others treat us.

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He's not with me, with me we just talk it's not like we have had sex or that I'm cooking him dinner or doing his laundry or something. So if we are talking like normal people and getting along what's so hard to decide ... Come back home where you have lived for 9 years where all your stuff still is or go to your mom's house where there's five other people in a crowed house and sleep on the floor. Personally I'd choose being here but he is taking his sweet ass time I guess

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I have nowhere to go and noway to get there if I did so yeah if he's wants to come over he just shows up here knowing that 9/10 times I'm here. The first week it was always I'm coming to get my stuff but he would show up and wouldn't take anything. Now he just shows up but he doesn't want to stay. No matter what I say it's always I don't know or I'm thinking. The only thing I won't say is get out because that's what got me in this mess and I don't want him to leave. If I said it again now he really would leave and not come back and again that's not what I want. So what do I say?

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He's not sure whether returning would mean falling back into the same stress and fighting, and he'd rather sleep on the floor than return to that.

 

Give it time, and consider how long it's been since you haven't held up any expectations for him. Even now, you're expecting an answer from him on your calendar, so he's still not free of another's expectations. That can feel pretty suffocating.

 

Either you're in counseling to work past old habits, or you're not. If he views one of those habits as being under constant pressure to conform, then adding more pressure to that won't work in your favor.

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I try and give him space one or two days at a time then he will come over and we get along fine then I think well he can just come home but he leaves.. So the next time he comes over which could be any minute now or Wednesday and he says ok I have to go even though we are getting along I'm just supposed to say yay and let him go?

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So the next time he comes over which could be any minute now or Wednesday and he says ok I have to go even though we are getting along I'm just supposed to say yay and let him go?

 

I would tell him not to come back until if/when he wants to talk about your relationship...and mean what you say. You're making this too easy for him, therefore why should he make an effort to change anything? Stop making this all about him, and allow your voice to be heard. You'd be surprised at what this can do for your self-esteem.

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