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Catfished and feeling really foolish


Smile_83

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It's been so long since I posted here. Thank you for reading. I honestly just need to vent. I just figured out that I was played and the man I spoke to everyday for the past year and s half catfished me. I am 32 years old and I thought I was smarter than to get myself sucked into his lies but the reality is that I fell into a trap. I've been talking to a man for a year and a half every day and sometimes multiple times per day. I last spoke to him on Sunday morning and have not heard back. I called several times and left a few voice mails and now feel really stupid for doing so. I just hope that I have truly learned not to trust anyone online. Thanks for reading. I truly just feel foolish now for falling for a guy I never met face to face. I should have been more careful. I honestly thought that all the stories out there didn't apply to him and I. We even made plans to spend next Christmas together and here I am a responsible adult in real life who got sucked into an imaginary relationship and the pain now is real.

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Happens to everyone.

 

Stay away from online/remote communication or keep it EXTREMELY limited. 2-5 messages > meet in person. Invest TIME in person (if the person is worth it/there is attraction) from that point on.

 

As you have learned, online communication creates an unrealistic fantasy. And if you were to meet this guy you would probably be completely shocked and he would be quite opposite from the fantasy you build with him.

 

Date local (not online) is even better advice.

 

Good luck

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I don't know. he just disappeared off the face of the earth. We spoke Sunday morning and that was the last time I heard from him. We spoke everyday for the past year and a half. Honestly I was hoping, guess I'm still hoping to hear from him but I think it's just wishful thinking.

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That's called ghosting, not catfishing (doesn't it suck that we have to have names for this type of behaviors these days?).

Catfishing is when the person on the other end of the cyber communication ends up not being who they said they'd be, and they ask for money and/or other favors while making you think they are into you and faking some kind of future with you. This guy just disappeared. Maybe he was who he said he was, maybe he wasn't, hard to tell because you two never Skyped or saw each other.

He could have gotten bored of this online-only communication, he could have met someone in real life, he could have gotten run over by a train...who knows?

 

The moral of the story is that until you meet someone in the flesh, you don't have a relationship, you have a pen pal. You cannot claim to be "in love", because there is no cyber love - love implies touching and feeling and everything else related to being in the presence of your partner. Putting your life on hold just because you are chatting online with someone you have never even seen is just silly, and a major waste of time.

So if you must do online dating, at least make sure to meet them face to face within 2 weeks, never longer than that. And until that happens, refrain from developing feelings or considering yourself as "dating", because it's only a false sense of familiarity, a fantasy, that has nothing to do with real life.

 

With that said, you aren't the first one this happened to, and surely won't be the last. It's a lesson you hopefully learned, which can only be useful to you in the future.

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It started out as just simple communication in a chatroom with lots of people and then we started talking on the phone. I don't know how everything lead to an online relationship. It just happened.

 

It didn't lead to a relationship, because that's not what relationships are. It led to a fantasy that prevented you from living your life and meeting a real life partner. You were single all along.

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Who knows what it was at this point. Catfishing is pretending to be someone or something you are not to draw someone else into your web of lies for ulterior motives. Sometimes money other times just to mess with and control another's life and emotion.

 

He could have been hit by a truck or fell ill suddenly.

 

Chances are as the day of reckoning got closer he just disappeared on you.

 

I had a woman try and catfish me once. I never asked for a pic but she insisted on sending me some. Problem was that she sent me pictures of an actress from a Spanish novella and I recognized her (don't ask but I played along for a while. I let her think she had me and then I jerked her around a little which made her try harder and harder to get me to bite. I finally busted her one day and she just went silent.

 

There are all kinds out there so always insist on meeting or the very least Skype with them to make sure they aren't sitting in a jail cell somewhere or their mommy's basement!

 

Lost

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Worse case scenario (for him) for all you know he could be in hospital. Had an accident ...or other possibilities he may have no internet. Be busy? Had a crisis of some sort? You haven't got the facts yet so hold on until you do.

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