Whitney Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I met this guy at college and we talked so I gave him my notes/textbooks. A month later he asked me to hang out as friends. Then he asked me to hang out at his place and we kissed. We hung out a few more times and we kissed and he always asked if he could see me again. He never offers anything, even water when I'm there and we've never really gone out. He has said I'm perfect and listed qualities. So recently I gave him the last of the notes. The other day I drove him and his dog back and forth to pick something up and his dog peed everywhere. I wasn't mad or anything I laughed it off. I try to do nice things for him. I always ask about things going on in his life but he never asks me. I go out of my way for him. Last time we were together I referred to myself as his friend because he was talking about his landlord and I said oh just say it's your friend visiting. I didn't want to say girlfriend in case it would scare him off because we haven't really talked about defining the relationship. He didn't kiss me or hold my hand or anything which kind of hurt and he didn't ask to see me again. The whole night he felt different. I feel like he was using me for notes/answers and as something to occupy his time, but maybe I screwed it up. I really like him and he's nice. He said he wanted to spend time with me but I don't know what was wrong. I just find it odd that even when I left I thought he'd give me a peck or a hug or something. He did want to have sex before but I told him it was too early, maybe he found another girl, but he doesn't seem that type. Is there any way I can fix this? I feel so stupid and upset.
mhowe Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Stop giving him your notes. It sounds like he is using you. And stop being at his beck and call. Good for you for telling him that it was too early for sex. Remember...you must feel you are valuable before you can expect others to see you that way.
Helpexpressme Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I think he only wanted your notes. The kissing part was so that you would keep coming over and help him, and now that you did he's gone cold. Some guys are just like that. Make sure the next one actually offers you some water AND something to eat. Actually, he should be taking you out aswell. Kick him to the curb, he's yesterday's news!
ThatwasThen Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 You can fix it by not seeing him to hang out in his room anymore. If he contacts you again and suggests that you come over, tell him you'd rather go out and do something fun together and then suggest a thing to do. If he turns you down then he was surely just using you for your notes and trying to use you for sex. If he takes you up on your invitation then you can slowly get to know him as he acts in life and see if he cares enough about you to be in a relationship while you have sex together. Good on you for telling him that it was too early because it was when he wasn't even taking you out for a coffee or any other type of date like activity.
Hollyj Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 He's using you. This is not reciprocal. Be more aware when you head into doormat territory. Many red flags.
HeartGoesOn Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 He never offers anything, even water when I'm there and we've never really gone out. He has said I'm perfect and listed qualities. Since he's never attempted to date you, I wouldn't consider this a relationship. Having said that, along with his request to have sex, pretty much tells the story as to what this is all about. What is it that you'd like to fix?
Whitney Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 I feel like I may have hurt him by calling him a friend but I'm not sure. I want things to go back to how they were a few days ago. He was acting really cold and distant and I don't want it to be my fault. I feel bad in general. He's been sweet with his words but now I'm not sure if I can believe him. I'm not sure if I should apologize if I offended him in any way or if he likes someone else, I'd rather know now and I'd understand.
Movingforward3 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Sometimes, people just aren't that into you. It is hard to understand, but that it is the way it is.
ParisPaulette Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Your only mistake was you wayyyyy overgave to someone you barely knew who wasn't even asking you out on dates. Yes, he used you for your homework and rides and sex, because he saw right away he didn't have to do any effort beyond a bit of flattery to get those things from you. Lesson learned, you need to get to know someone and to at least gauge their interest by letting them ask you out on dates and pursue a relationship with you. And never, ever, ever give someone your hard-earned academic work. Tell them to get their own or offer to tutor them for a cost. It will cut the people who use you out of your life by a huge degree. P.S. Don't feel bad, all through school and yes even college you have scammers who will do nearly anything to use your smarts for their own gain. So tell people you believe they are smart enough to do it on their own. Or if you can't get up the guts to be that direct have a bunch of little cards at the ready for a tutoring service, hand them out and say, "These guys helped me out," whenever someone wants to "borrow" (I.e. cheat and steal) your books or homework or notes. It's a little tactic I used after having a couple of incidents like what you just went through. Cut this guy out, be too busy for him, walk away. Stop being so easy to please that all it takes is someone talking to you and you're all but housewifing them. Nobody will respect you for that and it'll end up getting you used and/or conned. This is coming from a reformed overgiver, so apologies if I sound harsh. I don't mean to be and you sound like a really good person, so I'm giving you a heads up now. Be good to those who show you first they've earned it and are equally good to you back BEFORE you give away the store.
agent1607307371 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Look, a relationship isn't based on you doing all the running around for one person. He's using you. Stop running around after him. Try and find someone who will do an equal amount of running around after you. I mean, if he's never even offered you a drink, you don't have to worry about him being offended. You should be offended that he thinks so little of you as a guest.
melancholy123 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 You are a giver and he is a taker. Stop it! Dont be so kind and generous to someone who gives nothing back.
mhowe Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Apologize for calling him a friend? Girl....you need to grow a bit of a spine. You have nothing to apologize for, in any way. He is not interested in dating you....he wanted your notes, a ride and a roll in the hay.
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