Is she going to break up with me?

[Isitworthit]

Hi, I'm new, thank you to all that take the time to read this, I've never done this before.

 

After years of living on one side of the country I had made up my mind to move back home to be close to my family. About two months before I was going to leave, an friend who I'd known for about seven years came into my work and waited for me to get off. She came home with me and without anything too untoward happening we spent an innocent night together and slept, just slept, together. Over the next month and a half we became very close. A relationship grew, where once there was a simple acquaintance. She had dated two of my friends in the past and though at first I was attempting to keep our relationship secret, I fell in love with this woman and did my best to forget about her past. She made frequent trips to the state where I grew up and we talked about her moving out there when she was more financially able to do so. After a few months, I moved, but we stayed in touch. I got home, started working and she came for a visit after a few months. It was great! For the first time in my life, I felt like I was truly in love with something who felt the same for me. We kept talking about her moving in with me and a future together. She had her first meltdown when we were talking about introducing unprotected sex in our relationship. I mentioned that I had gotten an ex pregnant and she started yelling about the gory details of how she speculated I accomplished this feat. We settled things over the next day and she went back home. A series of unfortunate events led me back to the other side of the country where we spent a few more days together, with all my friends back there; many she did not know.

 

I knew that she was an introvert, but she was fine in a large group that whole weekend, so there were no red flags for me. We continued talking and texting for the next six months. Everyday pretty much we would talk for at least an hour or two. Everything was fine until she started to make her way across the country. Around the middle she started to lose confidence and would get upset if I didnt' feel like talking. At one point I suggested she spend some time with her friends and she interpreted this as me telling her I didnt' want to talk to her and it became a big fight over the phone.

 

When she got here, everything was great and new. But she was having difficulty finding work and meeting friends. So I set up every opportunity I could for us to be social and hang out with my friends whom i'd grown up with. She seemed placated every time we would spend time with another couple or some of my friends, but only temporarily. We would fight fairly regularly about things that hadn't occurred to me; that I resented her and her cat, that I blamed her for this or that, that we didn't have enough space between us, things I did my best to resolve. If I felt she wanted to be left alone, I kept my distance and was ostracized for ignoring her. If I wanted to talk more, I was unfairly pressuring her to be more social than she was comfortable with, I could not do the right thing. This continued between arguing, making up, and back again until finally today, upon finding out she had finally gotten a job, that she was thinking about getting a sublet of her own because she thought more individual space would be good for our relationship. I didn't know what to say, so I asked, "what do you want me to say?" She started criticizing me for not knowing what to say and furthermore for asking her how she wanted me to talk to her. She said in a relationship it should be automatic, that I should just know how to talk to her and that was part of the problem. Whenever I express my feelings, she consistently counters with something that I did to her from the past six months. Even if I remember events for how they happened, suddenly that becomes less important and my point or her point gets lost in a separate argument setting off a chain of events. My question I guess is, does it seem like she's going to break up with me, should I prepare myself for the likelihood that her decision to find a place without me in the equation is a precursor to her already knowing that she doesn't want to be with me. I'm not blaming her, I love her, like I've never loved anyone before, but I've accepted as much blame as I could over the course of the last nine months and that still isn't enough to quell our bickering. I'm a super easy-going person who doesn't read into things usually more than I can substantiate, but this kind of broke my heart a bit today and now I'm really confused and I don't know what's going to happen. Any insight or experience is appreciated. Thank you.

[Willywagtail]

This relationship is killing you. The move out on her part in is a blessing from the Angels.

 

You're not in a relationship, you're in a one sided dynamic where she holds your testicles. Sorry to be rude. What you've done is you've reinforced her bad behaviour by pandering to it. I understand why. You care about her, you want to please her and want to keep the peace.

 

Problem is, we teach people how to treat us. You pander to her drama and you end up enabling it. She sees you as a pushover and basically knows how to argue you into a corner. No wonder you're exhausted.

 

In effect she's a bully. That's what bullies do - they argue with yiu, they want to be right, they diminish your point of view, they emotionally manipulate you and they make you feel bad about yourself for things you didn't do.

 

How is this relationship nurturing you and helping you grow as a person? How does she support you and encourage you to be the best person you can be?? You can't be yourself with her.

 

Please seriously consider whether you want to stay in a relationship that's slowly sucking you dry. It's only been 9 months and you're drained. She wants to control you and it will get worse.

 

I'm sorry your heart is breaking, but it's toxic for you. Please also look at why you put in so much effort for so little return.

[mhowe]

Her movie g out is a good thing. Her breaking up would be a better thing.

 

You aren't "laid back". You are passive.