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I need a male prespective, honestly please!!


Claudia68

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Posted

These questions are for mature men (late 40s, 50s), and please be honest:

 

Do men really enjoy the chase and women who play hard to get?

Do we need to be cool and pretend we don't care to keep your interest?

What are you looking for in a relationship at this point in your life? (I am talking about relationship no MARRIAGE)

Do you prefer nice/nurture woman or a total b...?

Do you feel intimidated by a woman's sexuality (high libido), financial independence, or high intellect?

 

I am not doing this for an research, I am 47 year woman who started dating 18 months ago after a long marriage and has fall for two brilliant men, who pursued me like crazy at the beginning, everything was great and suddenly they panicked assuming I wanted marriage, which I don't. I don't like playing games and it seems that dating nowadays is just a mouse and cat game. I don't have much experience in this, but I am starting to panicked myself and stop meeting people.

 

Please give me some light!!

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Posted

I am not mature by any means but i will make an effort.

1) It depends on the type of guy. Most men like to chase , i don't .

2)Probably this would work for the guys who like to chase

3)-

4)Both have their benefits/drawbacks

5)I presume yeah for most guys, i would feel intimidated if she were way more intelligent than me

Posted

I consider myself a mature man!

 

A lot of women misinterpret men not wanting women to make themselves excessively available / dependent as men wanting to "chase."

 

We don't want to chase you. We want to know you have a fine and healthy professional and social life outside of us.

 

Again, I'm suspecting your "nice/nuturing woman" vs. "total b****" boils down to the same thing. There's a difference between "nice and nurturing" and someone who compromises themselves for someone else. Men are typically pretty scared of that. It's not fun being emotionally depended on.

Posted

I'm 55. I met my fiance at 50. I was looking for a nice, no BS, kind, active woman who I clicked with.

 

I didn't want games or drama. Just someone who I had common interests with and who liked spending most of their time together. No weekends only stuff. And someone who would be an active part of my family(I have three adult children)

 

My fiancée fit that. She was looking for the same. It was important for her to know the relationship was going somewhere and wasn't just casual.

 

As far as libido, the more the merrier. We are quite happy there.

 

She is without a doubt the love of my life and we are getting married next summer.

 

Dating at our age has some challenges. Unfortunately some people have a lot of baggage from previous relationships. And as in any age range, there are players.

 

But you just have to weed out the bad. I don't think it's that much different than any other age range. Maybe a tad more cynical and not as willing to put up with BS.

Posted

37 here

 

Do men really enjoy the chase and women who play hard to get?

 

No, huge turn off

 

Do we need to be cool and pretend we don't care to keep your interest?

 

Hell no, huge turn off....actually a deal breaker

 

What are you looking for in a relationship at this point in your life? (I am talking about relationship no MARRIAGE)

 

Already in marriage so does not apply

 

 

Do you prefer nice/nurture woman or a total b...?

 

It's extremely weird that you ask these questions.

 

nice/natural/REAL

 

 

Do you feel intimidated by a woman's sexuality (high libido), financial independence, or high intellect?

 

Not at all

 

I am not doing this for an research, I am 47 year woman who started dating 18 months ago after a long marriage and has fall for two brilliant men, who pursued me like crazy at the beginning, everything was great and suddenly they panicked assuming I wanted marriage, which I don't. I don't like playing games and it seems that dating nowadays is just a mouse and cat game. I don't have much experience in this, but I am starting to panicked myself and stop meeting people.

 

Please give me some light!!

 

Your first 2 questions are a big concern.

 

Remember, we usually attract who we are.

 

By "playing" or "acting" you will attract "actors". People that will put on an act for you and go along.

 

You DO NOT want those type of people. Be yourself, don't play games or put on the act. Ignore our society or what "everyone does" and just do what you think is LOGICAL and MORALLY right.

 

TRUST is the foundation of ALL relationships. When you play/act = fake and dishonest. Thus, you can never EVER have a REAL relationship/honest one.

 

Be the best person you can be, so you can attract one LIKE you.

Posted

Do men really enjoy the chase and women who play hard to get?

 

Depends on the man. Me? I don't. If I were single and the woman played hard to get I would move on to someone else.

 

Do we need to be cool and pretend we don't care to keep your interest?

 

Again - depends. Pretend you don't care and I don't really know you. I'm gone.

 

What are you looking for in a relationship at this point in your life? (I am talking about relationship no MARRIAGE)

 

If I were single today it would be companionship. Everything else would just fall into place in time.

 

Do you prefer nice/nurture woman or a total b...?

 

A nice woman for sure. I wouldn't give the other the time of day.

 

Do you feel intimidated by a woman's sexuality (high libido), financial independence, or high intellect?

 

Good God No!!! High libido would be a dream. Financial independence would be a bonus and high intellect would be like a breath of fresh air.

Posted

My bf and I started dating when he was 48.

 

I didn't play hard to get.

I make considerably more than he.

I don't want to get married.

I have a pleasant personality.

 

When asked what made him ask me out, he said "you really seem to enjoy your life and I want to be a part of it.'

Posted

Thank you, and believe me I am not playing games and I am not acting either. I wouldn't do it, I believe that relationships are based on trust and honesty. I know that our age, most of us have experienced some kind of lose or heart break and it's normal to be more cautious.

Posted
These questions are for mature men (late 40s, 50s), and please be honest:

 

Do men really enjoy the chase and women who play hard to get?

Do we need to be cool and pretend we don't care to keep your interest?

What are you looking for in a relationship at this point in your life? (I am talking about relationship no MARRIAGE)

Do you prefer nice/nurture woman or a total b...?

Do you feel intimidated by a woman's sexuality (high libido), financial independence, or high intellect?

 

I am not doing this for an research, I am 47 year woman who started dating 18 months ago after a long marriage and has fall for two brilliant men, who pursued me like crazy at the beginning, everything was great and suddenly they panicked assuming I wanted marriage, which I don't. I don't like playing games and it seems that dating nowadays is just a mouse and cat game. I don't have much experience in this, but I am starting to panicked myself and stop meeting people.

 

Please give me some light!!

 

I asked my bf who is in that age range.

 

1) Men enjoy the "chase" if it means "courting" - the initial asking out of the woman, the working thtough the first conversations to learn more about her, the initial planning of the first few dates, finding what pleases her (not sexually, but what means something in life to her).

 

2) Men at this age do not like games - the woman who shuts them down, but really wants to be chased, etc, if the man is serious about finding a future wife or someone for the long term. They don't take women who want to play games seriously.

 

3) Playing cool - men who are serious are not looking for a woman who are overly familiar - learning the name of a guy at a convention, then plopping in his lap at the table, etc, in otherwords assuming he has no physical boundaries/sense of personal space.

 

The problem also is that if you are not wanting marriage or long term relationship, relationships are only going to last so long for the most part if you meet guys who are serious minded about a relationship. They are not going to waste their time with a woman who does not want marriage. You say you don't want marriage - but your dating style might say otherwise to them - as in - you are dating one person exclusively, etc, sharing your lives rather than not getting attached to anyone in particular and making it a goal to go out with a number or men - whether one off dates - or whether seeing someone here and there - when something comes up where a plus one is appropriate or something that is a common interest comes up, you call, and date others, too.

 

We laid things on the table about what we wanted early on - are you making sure that in the first getting to know you dates you are being clear?

Posted

I have been with my bf for 6+ years. Neither of us wants to marry, but that doesn't mean we aren't committed to spending the rest of our lives together.

Posted
I have been with my bf for 6+ years. Neither of us wants to marry, but that doesn't mean we aren't committed to spending the rest of our lives together.

 

Just wondering if she is being clear up front about what she wants.

Posted

Just a random thought here under the principle of like attracts like. When you state that you don't want marriage, men may hear that you don't want a stable relationship. So you are attracting men who will very much have fun and bail for, insert reason du jour here. It really doesn't matter what excuse they give you, just that it was never a plan to stick around for long to begin with so they split. So if you are looking for a long term stable relationship, even if ultimately not marriage, reconsider how you present yourself.

 

Could also be that in your mind you want fun and flings, but you are acting like a wife.....because....well...that's who you were for a long long time. So your words and actions don't match. People will react to actions and so they freak that you want to be a wife and run.

 

Either way, food for thought for yourself.

 

Finally, dating is a process....tedious at times, where you are essentially trying to find a diamond in a big stinking pile of you know what. Pretty much what others said - be genuine and true to yourself. Eventually you'll run into someone who matches you mutually. It's just that it may be a long process. Part of getting back into dating is remembering how to read between the lines and how to walk away quickly from people who are not genuine and not good for you. Unfortunately, figuring that out might be tricky at times.

Posted

I do want a long term relationship, but not marriage, at least not until my kids are with me. I am extremely monogamous, I wouldn't even talk to anyone once I am dating a person. I need to have an emotional and intellectual connection to be physical, in fact I didn't even sleep with the first one I dated after my divorce. So, you mean is either marriage or casual?

Posted

No, not what she meant. By saying "I am not interested in marriage" without qualifying it...of

 

It sounds like you don't want a long term, committed relationship.

 

When my bf asked my thoughts on marriage (he was married before) I said "Its never been on my bucket list. If it is something you feel strongly about, I will consider it but I have no problem making a commitment to spend our lives together without having to get married"

Posted
Just a random thought here under the principle of like attracts like. When you state that you don't want marriage, men may hear that you don't want a stable relationship. So you are attracting men who will very much have fun and bail for, insert reason du jour here. It really doesn't matter what excuse they give you, just that it was never a plan to stick around for long to begin with so they split. So if you are looking for a long term stable relationship, even if ultimately not marriage, reconsider how you present yourself.

 

Could also be that in your mind you want fun and flings, but you are acting like a wife.....because....well...that's who you were for a long long time. So your words and actions don't match. People will react to actions and so they freak that you want to be a wife and run.

 

Either way, food for thought for yourself.

 

Finally, dating is a process....tedious at times, where you are essentially trying to find a diamond in a big stinking pile of you know what. Pretty much what others said - be genuine and true to yourself. Eventually you'll run into someone who matches you mutually. It's just that it may be a long process. Part of getting back into dating is remembering how to read between the lines and how to walk away quickly from people who are not genuine and not good for you. Unfortunately, figuring that out might be tricky at times.

 

Maybe I haven't been clear enough about the marriage thing because I don't want to be perceived as being liberal, which I am not. I don't disregard marriage altogether, it might happen in the future if the right person comes along, but not now. But I am not looking for fun and flings at all, I couldn't. I should be more open maybe and clear from the beginning, hoping they are being honest too.

Posted
I do want a long term relationship, but not marriage, at least not until my kids are with me. I am extremely monogamous, I wouldn't even talk to anyone once I am dating a person. I need to have an emotional and intellectual connection to be physical, in fact I didn't even sleep with the first one I dated after my divorce. So, you mean is either marriage or casual?

 

What do you mean by "not until your kids are with me".

 

A

Posted
I do want a long term relationship, but not marriage, at least not until my kids are with me. I am extremely monogamous, I wouldn't even talk to anyone once I am dating a person. I need to have an emotional and intellectual connection to be physical, in fact I didn't even sleep with the first one I dated after my divorce. So, you mean is either marriage or casual?

 

No No. What I mean is that you need to be crystal clear and focus on the fact that you are looking for a serious relationship. It may seem like just semantics, but it's important that you convey the right message. When you say not looking for marriage, what people hear is looking for a fling. When you say I am looking for a serious long term committed relationship, then you are going to attract the right kind of people who are looking for same.

 

I know a lot of people who are in your age range who are in committed relationships, but will never get formally married for various reasons, often to do with estate planning, etc. However, in their mind, their commitment level is that of marriage. So that's the message you need to convey.

Posted

lso, the "extremely monogamous" thing can come off as very wife like if you are not careful.

 

Honestly, what I think? I think that "casual" sometimes means casual sex to people. And I think you should date casually right now - but not that kind of casual. The original casual - I think that you should go out on proper dates with men - coffee, a movie - and like i mentioned - someone needing a plus one to a charity ball etc, and having friends or colleagues set you up, or this is the perfect time of year to go ice skating with someone or going to the tree lightings - just getting out there with different guys on dates that are not exclusively romantic or sexual in nature - just two adults who are seeking to get to know eachother and/or get out of the house/have someone to share an experience with. This way you can figure out what you like and what you don't like. you should talk to a variety of men until you really pair off with someone. In otherwords, old fashioned dating. That means you are not texting goodnight and good morning to someone, talking about your kids and the days they have had right off the bat - etc.

 

When you go out with a guy once - then focus all your attention on him - it scares a guy off and says that you are looking for a husband. Get used to having a good time and nice conversations with a variety of guys and then eventually give yourself permission when you are ready to start looking for someone who could be long term.

 

When I met my ex husband, I did NOT want to get married. heck I was what...23ish. The thing I wanted the least was kids the next day. My cousins seemed to all be getting married or getting engaged to a guy they were dating. So instead of meeting a man who was a great match and meeting someone who was also young and wasn't focused on marriage because they were focused on their degree or just getting their feet wet in the world - I met a man who DID NOT want marriage at ALL and was against it. I thought "great - no pressure to have kids". But in the end that was very negative because he didn't believe in marriage, but decided to marry me anyhow way down the road and it didn't last because of his atitudes of marriage and commitment. ie, thought he looked good to finally marry his long term gf, but after that things really fell apart. So you are better off if you are open to marriage AFTER you spend some time just dating and just meeting new people to meet someone who has a positive view of marriage - sees that they could someday with the right woman, but is not rushed right now (would not consider marriage until kids graduate high school or college or grad school and are really looking at a number of years until they would start thinking about it - and that is all a long way off down the road). It does sound ultimately like you are open to marriage with the right person way down the road - but just are not looking for it now or the foreseeable future.

 

Others are right - you do not want to attract a commitmentphobe - but you don't want to attract someone who is on the hunt for a wife and sees themselves married in the next 2-3 years either. You need to make sure the person who is going to commit to not marrying you but being long term or may eventually marry you if its right - is looking for the same.

Posted
37 here

 

 

 

No, huge turn off

 

 

 

Hell no, huge turn off....actually a deal breaker

 

 

 

Already in marriage so does not apply

 

 

 

 

It's extremely weird that you ask these questions.

 

nice/natural/REAL

 

 

 

 

Not at all

 

 

 

Your first 2 questions are a big concern.

 

Remember, we usually attract who we are.

 

By "playing" or "acting" you will attract "actors". People that will put on an act for you and go along.

 

You DO NOT want those type of people. Be yourself, don't play games or put on the act. Ignore our society or what "everyone does" and just do what you think is LOGICAL and MORALLY right.

 

TRUST is the foundation of ALL relationships. When you play/act = fake and dishonest. Thus, you can never EVER have a REAL relationship/honest one.

 

Be the best person you can be, so you can attract one LIKE you.

 

It is good that such questions are asked and answered - to remind us to be real and authentic so as to aline people and situations correctly in our lives instead of being stuck or straying down unpleasant or distructive paths!

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