Kalika19 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I recently moved back in with my parents who now live 4-5 hours away from my home town. My boyfriend (tom) and I were together for about a year. Me moving away was always a factor since we met. We both decided a long distance relationship wouldn't work. But I left on good terms we have spoken lots since I left about a week ago... he still tells me he loves me and asks if and when I'll come back. I said the only reason I would move back is for him and I would only do that if we were gonna take the next step which would be me moving in with him, it is something we have discussed before and almost did at one point but our relationship was on the rocks. Anyways.. last night he told me I'm the one he wants to be with, he told me how much he truly loves me and how much his heart hurts and how lonely he is without me. He said we know what we have to fix in our relationship our trust issues .. you talking to your exes, and your drinking (in the past when I drink I would get argumentative and mean) I have stopped drinking since I moved and don't plan on drinking for a long, long time. He mentioned his cousin who was dating a women for awhile she moved away then a year later moved back and they got back together and moved in. Tom wants to come visit me in January but if we aren't together is that a good idea? Should we stop talking everyday and maybe only once a week? I just don't know how to handle this situation.. We arr both on dating sites which is actually how we met! I'm on it because I know no one in this town and I want to meet people. I just don't know how to go about this. Not seeing him for months may change things, what if we meet someone else buy one of us is holding out for the other. What if we both hook up with other people I don't know if I would want to be with him again. Advice please!
Kalika19 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 I moved just over a week ago I've stopped drinking for almost two weeks. I know that doesn't seem like long but for me it is I don't miss drinking either I feel happier.
Kalika19 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 A couple of weeks .. when I was dating my boyfriend I would mention my ex alot when drunk I don't know why! I know that's a big No No! and in the beginning of the relationship I did se my ex a few times I always told my bf but I know that did affect our relationship.
abitbroken Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I think that you should not insist that you will only move back if you can move in with him. That is completely unfair to him. If you want to move back, you move somewhere near him because you have a job there. You are not nice when you are drunk. You bring up your ex a lot. He would not be in his right mind to share a home with you. You make it sound like he has the work to do in the relationship when actually, its you. Yes, if he comes to your town for a visit, I don't think its a problem seeing him if that is both what you want. But i would not spend the night with him or have him stay with you. But honestly, I really don't think you are ready for a relationship at this point. I think the ship has sailed for the two of you unless you move to his town and not IN with him. Instead of going on dating sites, I would go to AA, etc. I do also think that the move away is too fresh and he is saying things that he might regret later. He misses having you around, but he will soon remember the pain of the relationship and what it brought. Maybe it might be an idea to put this out of its misery for now and go no contact. If you get your life in order and a year later or down the road you honestly want to go to his town for work, etc, then maybe contact him and if he is available or not - it depends. But this might not be healthy as us.
Hollyj Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 How about meeting people through Meet ups or volunteering? I never attempted to meet new friends through dating sites. Do you require constant attention from men? Go NC until January. You need to get your head straight. I would also deal with your drinking more seriously: AA
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