txgirl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Hi Everyone, First time poster, long time lurker lol. Well, my husband and I separated about a month ago (I moved out of our condo and back to a house I own and usually rent out that is located about 3 hours away). We live in Texas, so there isn't a legal separation here, there is simply divorce, which is fine. Things had been going downhill with us, we were together three years, married one and a half, and he refused counseling so I initiated divorce, although I used a paralegal to simply draw up papers for me to file and there were some errors on the paperwork found by the clerk of court, so they will have to be re-done. So here are my questions: he has said over and over (in the few days before I moved out) that he was ready to "get this over with," I know he is on dating sites and quite likely sleeping with other women, but when we discovered the errors on the divorce papers, he hasn't lifted ONE finger to simply get them corrected himself which he came out and offered to do. He has both the money and time (he's a police officer and has 4 full days off due to working evenings). The reason I said Ok, you go ahead and take care of it is that after our 60 day waiting period is over (we agree on everything as far as simply keeping our on property and didn't have any children together) I will be in another state because I took a good job as quick as I could find one so I wouldn't have a lapse in my insurance (I have a chronic heart issue). Also, yesterday out of the blue, he calls me (I didn't answer because talking to him unless absolutely necessary really upsets me), then sends me a nasty email that he received a book I had ordered and how I didn't live there anymore and how dare I send mail to HIS address and also I needed to get the rest of my stuff out of HIS address! I just let it go. Obviously I ordered a book quite a while ago and someone sent it the slow boat method which can take 6-8 weeks. I also drive a tiny car so, yes, I still have some things at "his" apt. That I planned on sending a gf with a big suv to pick up in a month or so. I left quickly and quietly and did not ask for anything at all in the divorce except peace and quiet because I do have a heart condition that is aggravated by stress. I don't feel like talking to him right now because he can be horribly mean with his words. I just wonder WHY hasn't he gone ahead and done the divorce paperwork? He offered to, he's around the courthouse for goodness sake, and he's the one who seems to be seeing other people, even though I am moving on with my life and career. And why the attempted phone and then email outburst? Maybe he was having a bad day? How long should I wait to bring this up to him? After the holidays? I really don't know. At this point, I actually do need him to file so I don't have to be present or hire an attorney to be present for me because right after the New Year I will be 10 hours away in training for my new job. It is tough because I do have feelings and emotions and some depression but at the same time, I have to pull myself together because I have to take care of myself. Any advice or insight appreciated!
Clinton Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Could be simple procrastination. Give him a couple of weeks and then if not, you'll have to talk to him about it. If he still won't file, the balls in your court.
mhowe Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 If you filed the paperwork with errors, why wouldn't you refile it correctly? Why hasn't he? Because divorce isn't amicable, and he doesn't feel like it. Or because he knows it will be a PITA to you. Regardless, you put the ball in motion. Carry it to the goal. Bring what up to him? Text or email when you will have someone remove things from his place. I would ignore discussion of the book. Tell him when you refile, as I don't have a clue if he has to refile (likely). Figuring out his behavior is a waste of time. Do what you need to do that is the least stressful for you and keep contact minimal.
shessofly Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Hello- Who knows why he's doing what he's doing? Since he's dragging his feet perhaps you should take care of the paperwork yourself. That will be one less stressor for you. Don't leave it up to him. If at all possible get all of your stuff out his place ASAP. The sooner you sever all ties, the better for you.
JA0371 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Who asked for the divorce? He may just be trying to make it difficult for you ...if he's being nasty about it then I would definetely keep contact minimal. Just keep any contact very brief and businesslike.
txgirl Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 Thank you all for the advice. He and I definitely keep contact to a bare minimum. No social media, no calls or texts unless absolutely necessary, etc. You all are definitely right that trying to figure out someone's behavior is extremely useless! The reason he said he would re-file is for a few reasons: though I initiated the divorce we both talked about it and wanted it, he knew I was casting a wide net for jobs and might potentially move, we did try to be as civil as possible to each other---I loaned him some $$$ I don't intend to ask for returned in the divorce, so he (at least a few weeks ago) was going to return the civility by taking care of the re-filing so I wouldn't have to hire an attorney to appear for me, since the person filing always has to appear or the attorney has to. I think I will give him a week or so and if he hasn't made any movement I'll just have to be out a couple grand more (and probably some good will towards him, honestly).
melancholy123 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I say you should take care of the divorce paper work so then it's done and over with. The fees you pay would be well worth it. Dont count on him to do anything this important.
lostandhurt Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Welcome to ENA, This is pretty simple like others have mentioned. If there are still things between you two (divorce papers, your stuff at his place...) he has cause to give you grief so if that is removed you remove his ability to hurt you. You started this thing and if you want to stay in control of your life you need to finish it. Get the papers corrected as soon as possible yourself and have hi served. Don't wait for him to do anything because as you can see he is using all this to control how you feel. Is that what you want? To allow him to still have control over you? So you left him and he is butt hurt and wants to inflict some pain on you while he can. Cut this short so you can move away and get on with your life. Lost
Movingforward3 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 You have to do it. He wants to be able to say this is what you wanted and not take the blame. Just filled so you can move forward.
.thumb.jpeg.b5579b6b06637cc0e4e460d62254ebb1.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.