Ex's mom wants to meet with me?!

[regretgirl]

What are you hoping it will mean, and what are you expecting to accomplish by meeting his mother?

 

I'm not hoping for anything. Just neutral.

[Seymore]

Er...why is his mom involved? Her son should be able to make choices on his own.

[saluk]

As a person who lives vicariously through other people's situations, I really want you to go because I'm super curious as to what this meeting could be about. People have their theories, but everything seems pretty farfetched to me.

 

As someone who tries to give good advice, you should keep your distance. I think it very likely that she had a hand in your relationship not working out (a hand that your ex willingly allowed, but still). I wouldn't even put it past her to have been a whisper in his ear about you not being right for him, maybe even before the last encounter. I know you think she was nice to you, but sometimes people don't show you what they really think. Best to leave the whole thing in the past. This sounds like more manipulation - to what end I don't know, people can have crazy motivations sometimes.

[LC8328]

I believe that you had a mother/daughter relationship with her, and that's cool and all, but remember that first and foremost she is a mother. This is confirmed further by you saying your ex is a momma's boy.

 

I have a (young) adult son. I know the feeling. I have met a great girl that he started to see and I think about her once in a while because she was nice, but my son comes first and always will. Out of respect for him I would never even think about contacting her.

 

So either your ex's mom doesn't have good intentions or she doesn't know her boundaries very well. Either way, ehhh not a good idea in my book.

 

Now, I doubt she's going to put a giant bag over your head and throw you in a van, but like mhowe said, she did yell at you to get out of her house, so at the very least she's emotionally unstable and yeah, has a boundary issue.

[abitbroken]

The mother/daughter relationship ends when you break up.

 

I would, honestly, for your own health, I would either not answer the text like you never got it, and only say something if she persists, and then decline the invite, or decline the invite straight out. She may do many things. She could apologize, but she may just be curious and want to 'check up' and report back to her son that you are doing okay so he doesn't feel so guilty about the relationship ending or to ease her guilt.

 

Honestly, if your ex has anything to say to you - it should be from him to you and not through mommy dearest. This woman told you to leave her home. She will only side with her son, as she should.

 

I would not give her any access to your life. If he is a momma's boy, mom is probably doing his dirty work or perhaps will try to manipulate things (ie, son is sad so she tells son you want him back when you don't, and then he acts like he wants you back, thinking you made the first move).

 

Just move on.

[kbbcoop77]

Blood will ALWAYS be thicker than water. Decline and block. Move forward.

[PH Suite]

An adult woman isn't bright or polite enough to realize she should tell you, or anyone, WHY she wants to meet? Moron or manipulative - take your pick.

 

I would demand to know what she has in mind, simple as that. If she's vague, insist on clarity. She'll probably lie if she has something inappropriate in mind, but at least then if you meet and things don't go according to what she represented you'll know she lied and can just walk out.

 

Good luck.

[Blue_Skirt]

Don’t lose your thoughts over why the boys’ mama wants to see you. Do YOU want to see her? No? Tell her just that. “No, thank you”. End of story. “No” is a full sentence, which does not need any further explanation.

[Heather Dawn]

I'm in the minority here, because I think that as long as you're truly 100% over her son and there's no way you could be manipulated into taking him back, you should go see what she wants. I feel like maybe she wants to apologize to you because you once meant something to her and she hurt you. Apologizing - and accepting one - doesn't mean things go back to how they were, but sometimes people need closure. Maybe she does. You certainly don't owe it to her, but if you're curious and can't be hurt by meeting up with her, then why not?

[Feast]

I agree with Heather. It sounds to me you are in a good place mentally and can handle a brief meeting with her. What is she up to? It's most likely she'll apologize for throwing you out and try to get you back together with him. Since she was involved in the breakup, she feels responsible, hence this meeting with you. She probably feels guilty about it as her son is suffering right now most likely. Id meet with her, say you appreciated her hospitality and kindness and that she wasn't a factor in the breakup. Also say you have moved on now from the relationship and am at peace with it. I'd do coffee, something quick like that, so you can get out fast if necessary.

[musicman777]

Wow OP. This is probably one of the funniest and most bizarre threads at the same time I have ever read on here... here is my take on the situation.

 

What I think she wants (in order from most to least likely)...

1) This women was very close to her son. It's very possible maybe she is trying to get you two back together or something. Very stupid/ridiculous but I could see it happening if they are that close to one another. Besides her son, maybe there is another family member or someone she things she can set you up with.

2) Does she know you have a "skill of trade", what is your job exactly? Sometimes people come out of the blue when they want your skills for something. Eg. I'm a programmer and sometimes people come to me out of the blue for computer problems and things like that.

3) To apologize. As another person here stated, maybe she wants to apologize for kicking you out of the house the one night or something along those lines. Some people have a cloud over them with things like this, especially if they are religious at all.

4) Maybe I've watched one too many adult movies but in the world we live in I wouldn't rule it out. Maybe she wants you! Has she ever looked at you or behaved funny around you? She might want to explore into forbidden territory...her sons ex-girlfriend. Stranger things have happened!

 

Regardless, my advice; just block her out of your life. Block her phone and everything and just move on. This is straight up WEIRD. You don't owe her anything, why bring up the past? You broke up with her son. Boo hoo, get over it. Yeah, she's a sweet women. let her go be sweet with someone else. Unless you are interested in whatever she is trying to sell I wouldn't show up for the sales pitch.

[PH Suite]

It's funny that people who've never met the person and know nothing of their character are comfortable stating what's "most likely".

 

Even if she wants to apologize, it's reasonable for her to say - certainly if asked - "I'd simply like to make amends in person". THAT is how it's done, not via some secret agent cryptic meeting request BS.

 

I'll go so far as to add that you lack self-respect if you meet with people who contact you out-of-the-blue if you can't at least be fairly certain what the reason is. Life's short, and even the laziest among us surely has better things to do.