fantom1399 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 I am having a real hard time with my girlfriend's child. he is at the age where he wants to rebel and not listen. He is not getting good grades at school, he talks back to me and his mom. All he wants to do is just watch TV and play sports. When I was growing up, I was able to do that as well but my parents have always stressed that school and homework came first. Well today, he pretended to be sick just so he can get out of school and now he is watch TV. I know he's lying because he told me there was a test today. I had to leave work early because no one else could watch him. I asked him why is he lying and he kept sticking to his story yet he's fine to go outside and play and eat. It's very frustrating and I don't know how much more I can take. He doesn't listen to me, he doesn't listen to his mom. He just gets on my nerves and he knows how to push it. This post is more of a frustration post. I have no idea what to do with him. He see's his father every week but when he's at his house, all they do is go out to eat and play. he has no curfew, no rules, and then when he comes back to the house, he's just a menus. We have tried to talk to the father but he doesn't seem to care. F*** me...
mhowe Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 If he is 5, its not a problem. If he's a teenager...well, he has no parental discipline. It isn't your place at all. But at this point with his parents unwilling to deal with it...I would consider if its worth it to hang in there. Its only going to get worse.
Lasus83 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Welcome to the world of parenting. An old district court judge who had 12 adopted children was teaching one of my undergraduate classes many-many-many years ago. I asked him (I did not have children at this time) if there was any advice he could give. He said... Children will lie, cheat, steal, go through horrible phases, do thing that makes you think they are doomed and you will worry your life away about them. These things are unavoidable. However, if you examine the core values. Whatever it is that you deem a core value. School, church, etc... and they are still focused on that core value, than you are ok. If he skips school for 1 test... no big deal. If he fails a grade or brings home a report card with D's all over it... that's a problem. However, children have a desire for independence. Taking a hardline approach is rarely the answer... A little story for you: When I was in college I ran an automotive shop. On this day I had 2 mechanics working and they were both working on 1 car each. I had the old seasoned mechanic and the young-gun right out of school. The young gun "knew it all", but he was stuck on a bolt that just would not come off of the car. He had tried everything he knew. He was getting visably frustrated... something that was not good for customer confidence, as they could look in and see the mechanics working at any time. I walked out and told him to step away for 5 min. He did. I called over the old mechanic and asked him to take a look at it. He went under the car. Thought for a moment and went over to his tool box. He came back with a tool or two, began working on the bolt and by the time that the young mechanic came back, the bolt was off. The young mechanic was dumbfounded. "How did you get that bolt off?", he exclaimed. "I've been working to get that bolt off for the last 30 minutes!". The old mechanic replied, "That there is a bolt, son. You've got to be smarter than a bolt". Be smarter than the bolt... be smarter than what you are working with. Remember, you are smarter than this child. No matter how much the bolt frustrates you, the #1 thing to do is to step back, rely on your experience, calm down and go at the problem with a level head.
DoF Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 EVERY CHILD LIES! Children are GUILTY until proven innocent. You know how I know? I used to be a kid, I used to be around lots of kids and also have kids of my own now. hehe
Pixels Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 School avoidance is a common symptom of other underlying issues. As is disregard to manipulation and lying... He may have had a test he wasn't prepared for, but IMHO something else may have interfered with him taking the initial steps to avoid being unprepared for the test... I firmly believe that nobody willfully screws themselves without other considerable factors at play... Given that his biological father doesn't seem to care, I'm willing to assume that he had a less-than-optimal structure throughout early development. If you want to be serious with this woman you need to recognize that you're adopting a parental role and that his parenting is as much your business as it is his weekend-father's. In the end it directly affects you (as you've noticed)... I don't have kids of my own. However, I used to pull this sort of thing all the time, knowing exactly which buttons to push... Chronic school avoidance I guess... I had multiple reasons which changed as I grew up... I guess I have no particular solution... The educational system places children and adults under unrealistic pressures and expectations which don't accurately reflect the real-world. Deviations from set standards is seen as a disability, with little to no other consideration... I guess I'm saying maybe the kid just needs a break from school... But there might also be other reasons that he wants to skip?
HeartGoesOn Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 I'm sure this situation is frustrating, but it's not your place to discipline your girlfriends child. This is a job for his parents, and his parents only. Also, this is not meant to sound harsh, but you have the option to leave, the child doesn't.
shellyf62 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I'm sure this situation is frustrating, but it's not your place to discipline your girlfriends child. This is a job for his parents, and his parents only. Also, this is not meant to sound harsh, but you have the option to leave, the child doesn't. Absolutely. You are not this child's father, you have no rights to parent him. No child will listen to a "stranger" coming into their house telling them what to do.
catfeeder Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 How old is the kid, and how long have his parents been apart? Is GF divorced, separated or never married? How long ago did you move in, and what were child's grades like before then? Missing a lot of information.
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