My brothers girlfriend is annoying and dumb

[SuzzieQ]

My younger brother started dating this girl about two years ago. He's 25 and she's 20. At first i liked her because she's really bubbly and sweet, very pretty and seems like an honest and loyal girl. But lately she's been getting on my nerves and I've realized she's not very bright. My parents and grandparents don't like her much but this girl genuinely believes my whole family loves her. It's painfully obvious at family gatherings but all the signs and hints go right over her head. Another thing is she has no knowledge about how anything in the world works. My brother always has to help her with bills, her taxes, money, making appointments, everything and she never gets it. She's like a child. She always crys when people are rude to her, she squeals and dances whenever she gets excited, she's very ditzy, she gets tricked and manipulated too easily. The only things she's knowledgeable about are my brother, cartoons, video games and clothes. I don't think she's ever had a job before.

I know it probably sounds like I'm judging her too harshly but I'm worried about my brothers future with her. When i see them together i can tell that she stresses him out. I'm not going to try to break them up or butt in. It's just that sometimes i think it's all an act but other times i really doubt it. She comes across as fake at times. Like maybe she's only pretending to be dumb and helpless. I just don't want to see my brother with someone like that if it's true.

[alli]

I think sometimes we forget how much we have matured since our early twenties. I'm guessing you are late twenties or early thirties since you said he is your younger brother & he is 25. I'm a nontraditional student in my program at school so most of my classmates are about 8 or 9 years younger than me. They are legally adults, but the things they say surprise me sometimes. For example, one girl still has her mother listed on her bank account & her mom gets on her case about how she spends her own money. This girl gets her money from working, and still her mom would withdraw money from the account to keep her daughter from frivolously spending it. That's the only specific incident that comes to mind. But there are many times when I have been surprised at how much their parents still "parent" them despite the fact that we are grad students.

 

There is another guy I knew who was 18 and about to start college. He didn't know how to do basic things like laundry or how to cook an egg. I think it's hard for parents to let go sometimes so they continue doing things for their kids at an age where the kids should be doing it themselves. She may be a late bloomer but eventually she will learn & get used to doing those things herself. But if her parents never taught her or let her learn things for herself, you can't really expect that she will just know how to be an adult. Of course, she may also just prefer to have someone do those things for her & actually has no interest in gaining those skills you need to be independent. I guess if I was your brother I would help her the first time, but only talk her through it after that so she can do it herself with guidance.

 

The other things sound annoying. Crying frequently, squealing, dancing, ditzy. Again, it's probably a maturity thing. You and the rest of the family don't have to like her, but of course the best thing is to just be cordial to her. It sounds like you guys are doing that, or else she wouldn't think you all love her. I think it's good you're not going to do anything to try to undermine the relationship. He's an adult and he can decide on his own if staying with her is what he wants. I'm sure it's frustrating but try to maintain your cool & let it go. It's tempting to gossip (or as I like to say, verbalize my frustrations) to others when you are irritated with someone, but I feel like when I do that it only validates my irritation, making me even more irritated while not actually solving anything. Try to focus on her good qualities and if she isn't directly doing anything to you, let it go. Is she in college? Generally, once people get a "real" job I think their mannerisms change a bit. Being squealy, ditzy & breaking out into random dance are probably normal things when she is around friends her own age, but at some point she will have a job where people act with a bit of professionalism. Her mannerisms will probably change as she spends more time with adults.

[Tayla92]

There's not much you can do really, he's obviously still with her for a reason.

 

Just have to let him live his life and make his own decisions/learn from his mistakes, whether or not you or your family agree.

 

Maybe the relationship will fizzle out soon anyway.

[origami]

Let him have an air-headed girly-girl for once in his life. He might be having great sex so let him enjoy it. He's probably not gonna get marry to her anyway.

[abitbroken]

If she's 20, then maybe she hasn't had a job but goes to school. I think you should not be so harsh on her and stop looking for things that are wrong and try to have conversations with her about things she likes. Maybe she is not so airheaded. Maybe she is very booksmart, just doesn't have some other skills nailed down yet. Lots of 20 year olds are pretty much still kids the way they are raised and sometimes coddled. And some people are naive because they haven't experienced the world and some come across that way because they have sensory issues or autism. So don't be so hard on the kid. You were probably not Einstein or the image of maturity at 20 either. I thought i was mature, but fast forward to even 22 and I was completely different. I had more self control than others my age by far - but that didn't make me a 30 year old woman suddenly. There was other things I needed to mature on even if I did have self control.

[Samsun]

The key thing would the environment she grew up in. In your days your parents might have been more pushy and less forgiving while nowadays many parents tend to spoil the kids even when they've matured. The best thing would be to see her as a younger sister and educate. I personally see it as a parenting issue, since in the past I've met people who were air heads simply because mommy and daddy did everything.

[greta96]

This post sounds so much like a few other threads started by the same person under different names in the last few months, asking whether acting ditzy and dumb would endear her to her boyfriend's family!

So, the only thing I will say is that you need to keep your nose out of their business, and let your brother deal in whichever way he sees fit.

Yeah, ditzy and a crybaby is always annoying.

[Blue_Skirt]

This post sounds so much like a few other threads started by the same person under different names in the last few months, asking whether acting ditzy and dumb would endear her to her boyfriend's family!

 

Yes, I had the same feeling when I read this:

My parents and grandparents don't like her much but this girl genuinely believes my whole family loves her. It's painfully obvious at family gatherings but all the signs and hints go right over her head.

 

OP, this is your brothers girlfriend, not yours. You don’t have to like her, but you can be nice and civil to her.