Parents make me feel anxious

[photograph11]

Hey Ena,

 

I'm 25 years old and soon I will be moving out, amongst this year. Now, i recently bought myself a home, and I only shared this big event with a good friend of mine. I know that my parents mean well, and want to protect me, but they have been telling me how it's not a good idea to share this with some good friends of mine, given that they are at completely different places in their lives compared to me. I'm settled, have a full time job and they are still finishing school and living with their parents. My parents say that if I tell them about how I bought myself a home, they will get jealous, and that they can start acting differently, and won't talk to me given that jealously that it can cause. I've already just told one friend and she was happy for me. I can understand that perhaps from my parents experience maybe their friends reacted that way, but I feel like they are making me feel anxious about this whole thing and telling my friends. I understand their point of view, my says she doesn't care at all if I tell people or not, it's just that she knows what jealousy can do. I tell myself,if they start acting different then they are not real friends after all.

 

What do you guys think?

[TMifune]

I think there comes a point where you have to internally understand that what your parents tell you is advice and not commands. I think that anxiety is caused by that internal war between wanting to please your parents and wanting to do things your own way. It's just something that I think goes away as you become more confident that your relationship with your parents has grown beyond the adult-child one into a more mature adult-adult one.

 

On the positive side, it sounds like your mom understands that she's just giving you advice and it's up to you to do what you want. I don't think she's sitting in judgement of you or going to try to make you feel bad, she just wants you to avoid a negative situation.

[Gloworm]

I think you should tell your close friends and they should be happy for you. Sure they may be disappionted they dont have there own place yet but maybe you will inspire them to continue working toward their goals. True friends will stick around.

[jennylove]

I mean, the silver lining is, you will find out who your real friends are either way. Your "real" friends will be happy for you, whereas the "others" will be jealous and try to bring you down, and you can say buh-bye to 'em. It's a win-win for you!