smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Earlier in the week I went out for a first date with a girl I met. We had plans to go to a restaurant by me but the wait was really long, so instead I offered to just cook us dinner. We go and I get her to help me cook and prep. She tells me it was one of the best dinners she's ever had (I was a chef for 3 years). Anyway after that I make her an offer to go out and do other stuff but she says no; so I say alright lets go watch a movie. We go to my room and she jumps on my bed and lays down. Shocker, 10 minutes later we were making out and I start to escalate, she says she doesnt do that on first dates but we can makeout all night if I wanted. So thats pretty much what we do inbetween watching the movie and giving each other massages for a bit. (she also said I was the best at that). She seemed super cool and like she was in to me and was having fun. She leaves, and a few days later I text her to set up another date: Me: Im free sunday around 5, lets get coffee Her: What are you looking for because I dont want just hookups (Id rather talk about that kind of stuff in person so I take it as a **** test and say-) Me: Im looking for my soulmate Her: Thats not what it looked like the other day Me: I know idk whats wrong with me, wanting a cute girl im with Her: It was innappropriate and you should know better etc etc Me: I know im such a **** Her: Shut up, you are a **** , im done talking to you etc etc Me: Alright I didnt know you would get so offended and I didnt plan anything that night, Im not just looking for hookups either so go cool off and we'll talk later Her: No we're done talking Me: ok I actually want to date this girl but either my sarcasm was too much or she overreacted or idk, either way do I salvage this or am I beating a dead horse and I should just leave it? I wouldve just rather talked about that kind of stuff in person, hence the sarcasm when she asked, in my experience no matter what I say over text they dont believe you anyway, little did I know she would blow up and tell me we are done talking from a less than 10 text conversation after we had a fun date just a few days ago. I want to call her later tonight because I feel like I can express myself better and she would be more receptive to a phone call and might show her I dont just want a hookup but if she doesnt answer I feel like it will just dig me deeper. What do?
Starseed98 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Was there any communication after your make out session? A phone call? Text from either of you saying you had a good time? If there wasn't, she was probably PO'd. But, bottom line, she did you a favor. Next!
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 No I was always told to just use texts for setting up dates, so the first text was 3 days after when I tried to set another up. But thats what I dont get, when she was with me and even leaving she was definately into me and smiled all the way out the door.
JustStop Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 You should call her and just let her know those weren't your intentions. It's hard to get your point across through text. If you think she might be worth a second date, go for the call. She might turn you down but that's ok, at least you tried. Don't beg her or grovel. And if she makes you feel like you need to do that after one date....end the conversation and keep it moving. Call her at a reasonable hour so your call doesn't reinforce her thoughts about you just wanting a hook up. *Personally.....if I went out with a guy and he didn't hit me up for 3 days....I might be irritated too especially if he tried to hook up with me and I didn't give into his advances...after 3 days I would be thinking all kinds of thoughts. The mind is powerful thing. Just another perspective. She of course may not feel this way.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Yea I definitely feel like actually talking to her outside of texts will help. I thought we were going to have this conversation in person, not her tell me after just a few texts we werent seeing each other again lol. On the other hand I dont want it to seem like Im chasing her already after 1 date. I just dont want to leave it at her thniking all I wanted was a hookup when I actually do like her. I was gonna call after she gets off work tonight and just delete her number if she doesnt answer
Starseed98 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Yea, I think you should have called her or text her soon after and let her know you were interested in setting up another date, an activity, somewhere public, or make some reservations so that it wouldn't come off as a potential hookup the way she now thinks. Cooking home dinners on a first date, not a good idea, as you now know.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Yea, I think you should have called her or text her soon after and let her know you were interested in setting up another date, an activity, somewhere public, or make some reservations so that it wouldn't come off as a potential hookup the way she now thinks. Cooking home dinners on a first date, not a good idea, as you now know. I really didnt plan on that, I had plans to go to a good restaurant by I go to university and its a small college town and thats honestly the only decent one in a ten mile radius. So I just offered to cook since I lived literally 2-3 minutes from it. And it isnt like I tied her down to my bed and forced her to stay and make out with me. She was in to it. I wouldve texted after the date but Im always told to let them text you first unless your doing it to set up a date, I had no idea the way she left on the day we saw each other that she thought I only wanted her for a hookup or I wouldve.
Starseed98 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Don't listen to anyone else, do what you feel is right.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Don't listen to anyone else, do what you feel is right. Gets me in bad spots more often than not lol thats why im here! So you think I should call her or nah?
JustStop Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I'm a firm believer that you should follow up after a first date regardless of whether or not you're asking her out. It could just be a simple..."had a great time." But don't stress that. You can't go back in time. I don't think you calling her at this point is you chasing her. But if she acts like that's what she wants.....she's doing too much and you should delete her number.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 I'm a firm believer that you should follow up after a first date regardless of whether or not you're asking her out. It could just be a simple..."had a great time." But don't stress that. You can't go back in time. I don't think you calling her at this point is you chasing her. But if she acts like that's what she wants.....she's doing too much and you should delete her number. If she doesnt answer should I leave a VM or just leave it if she doesnt answer? I feel like VM's are usually more heartfelt and she can hear that Im not being a sarcastic **** anymore like I was over texts
Capricorn3 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Her: What are you looking for because I dont want just hookups (Id rather talk about that kind of stuff in person so I take it as a **** test and say-) Me: Im looking for my soulmate Her: Thats not what it looked like the other day Me: I know idk whats wrong with me, wanting a cute girl im with Her: It was innappropriate and you should know better etc etc Me: I know im such a **** Her: Shut up, you are a **** , im done talking to you etc etc Her: No we're done talking What do? When reading that conversation, clearly something else happened. If I had a conversation like that and I told a guy I am done talking with you, it would mean I no longer want to see you. What to do? You move on. This girl is not interested.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 When reading that conversation, clearly something else happened. If I had a conversation like that and I told a guy I am done talking with you, it would mean I no longer want to see you. What to do? You move on. This girl is not interested. Yea it seems like it, I was just wondering if because she wasnt interested after I was a **** to her over those texts that maybe I couldve salvage it, you think not?
LC8328 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Yeah to me, she was pretty ticked off because of the heavy making out ("That's not what it looked like the other day, it was inappropriate and you should know better"). What in the world? She was making out with you and according to your account of things, didn't tell you to stop or show it in her body language. That makes no sense at all. There has to be something missing...like maybe she saw your FB (or something similar) and saw a pic of you with another girl you have dated? Not making crazy accusations but that's the only thing that would sense in my mind for her to say these things. If there isn't anything left out...then you'd be better off without her because that's just plain insanity
Helpexpressme Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I wouldn't worry about her. She was just as easy as she thinks you are.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Yeah to me, she was pretty ticked off because of the heavy making out ("That's not what it looked like the other day, it was inappropriate and you should know better"). What in the world? She was making out with you and according to your account of things, didn't tell you to stop or show it in her body language. That makes no sense at all. There has to be something missing...like maybe she saw your FB (or something similar) and saw a pic of you with another girl you have dated? Not making crazy accusations but that's the only thing that would sense in my mind for her to say these things. If there isn't anything left out...then you'd be better off without her because that's just plain insanity Exactly dude, I dont get it. She was the one who said explicitly she wont have first date sex but we can make out all night if I wanted. And she was moaning like crazy when I was kissing her ears and neck. I dont even use facebook lol
JustStop Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 If she doesnt answer should I leave a VM or just leave it if she doesnt answer? I feel like VM's are usually more heartfelt and she can hear that Im not being a sarcastic **** anymore like I was over texts It won't hurt to call. If nothing else....at least you tried and it'll eliminate any regret you might have felt. I prob wouldn't leave a voicemail....but if you leave one keep it brief...hey it's ___give me a call when you get a chance. Good luck. Would love to know how it goes.
LC8328 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Ok, in that case, if I were you I would preserve your future sanity and not see her anymore. You don't need that mysterious drama lol
Bunney Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Uh, NO. Dont call her. She's not worth it. She seems like a crazy b1tch. Clearly she liked the making out and now she turns it around and tries to make you a bad guy and it was "inappropriate", what the hell.?! Drama queen and absolutely out of line to be calling you names. I repeat... DO NOT CONTACT HER. Find a sane girl instead.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Uh, NO. Dont call her. She's not worth it. She seems like a crazy b1tch. Clearly she liked the making out and now she turns it around and tries to make you a bad guy and it was "inappropriate", what the hell.?! Drama queen and absolutely out of line to be calling you names. I repeat... DO NOT CONTACT HER. Find a sane girl instead. Yea I guess thats the general consensus. She was great in person to the point Im posting here for advice on how to get her but I really dont know where her blowing up at me like that came from either. In person she seemed like the type who wouldnt even say anything like that.
Capricorn3 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 My gut says there is more to the story because some parts just don't make any sense.
smallville Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 My gut says there is more to the story because some parts just don't make any sense. not from my end.
Capricorn3 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 not from my end. That's right. But definitely from HER end - would be interested to hear her side, lol, but seeing at that aint gonna happen all we can do is go by what we have here.
Ms Darcy Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I'm with Cap. I wonder if things got ... confused ... in the bedroom.
agent1607307371 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Is the only tv you have in your bedroom? You invite her to your house, suggest an activity that puts you on the bed. Make out, try for more. And then don't text her until the next time you want to meet up? Dude, you should have contacted her the next day. She's angry because she feels like all you wanted was sex. Not because you made out with her, but because you didn't contact her for the better part of a week afterwards.
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