Inability to Finish Hurting Her Self-Esteem

[Ahblair]

First post, long time lurker.

So here's my issue: My girlfriend and I have been dating for two months, and can't really see each other super often, so we've had sex three times. The first time we had sex was when I lost my virginity, she had been with two other guys and had sexual relationships. She tells me that I'm getting better each time, and she is able to get off without any problems. However, every single time, I haven't come close to finishing. It seems as though I'm not getting much of any feeling out of sex, and I occasionally get soft. She's noticing it and is starting to think it is her fault, even though I assure her it is not. Is there anything I can do/say to her that can confirm this and help us both? In addition, are there any tips to help fix this? I'd like to say it's just stress but I don't really know.

[Dottieflanogon]

You should talk to a doctor..there could be a medical problem. You could be experiencing physical or psychological problems or sometimes certain drugs/ alcohol can have an affect on you. Also, note to yourself if you are able to ejaculate when you masturbate. If so, its most likely psychological. Or if you masturbate too often even once a day..that can cause it too. Try masturbating less frequently which will serve to increase the sensitivity , so that when you do have sex, you'll be able to experience the sensations to their fullest, which will hopefully allow you to orgasm during intercourse.

 

Good luck

[Ahblair]

You should talk to a doctor..there could be a medical problem. You could be experiencing physical or psychological problems or sometimes certain drugs/ alcohol can have an affect on you. Also, note to yourself if you are able to ejaculate when you masturbate. If so, its most likely psychological. Or if you masturbate too often even once a day..that can cause it too. Try masturbating less frequently which will serve to increase the sensitivity , so that when you do have sex, you'll be able to experience the sensations to their fullest, which will hopefully allow you to orgasm during intercourse.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks for the reply,

I'll certainly cut back on masturbation, that definitely makes sense. I would say it's likely that I've come to the point at which it's probably psychological, hopefully that can help to take care of it.

[toby17]

She's noticing it and is starting to think it is her fault, even though I assure her it is not. Is there anything I can do/say to her that can confirm this and help us both?

 

Don't get caught in this trap. You're not responsible for anyone else's self-esteem nor can you help them with theirs.

 

Concentrate on your erectile problems. Solve that problem, you'll solve them both.

[Denguin]

Performance anxiety on your part (google it). Since she's your first sexual partner, and she's already had experience, you feel overwhelmed. It's a downward spiral like any other insecurity... The more you think about it, the worse it gets.

 

You can go see a doctor to be prescribed a short course of ED drugs (and to make sure nothing is wrong, but highly unlikely they'll even bother checking at this stage). And really, the ultimate cure is just relaxing and being comfortable enough around her. Once you do "finish" that first time, you'll never have this issue again.