Break up with an angel.

[Mad]

Hello. First, I want to say that english is not my mother language, so maybe I'll commit some grammar mistakes. Sorry about that.

 

My story: In the past I had a gf who suffered two rapes. This thing led her to change as much as ending being a whole different person, afraid to love. This situation ended in a break up, she didn't even want to see me. This story changed myself a bit. I build a big wall around my heart because I was afraid of the same things. In fact, I was afraid of being in love with someone, and this someone suffered similar fate.

 

Thing is, I met a young girl. A university classmate. I'm a bit older (8 years) than her because it is my second degree and in between I worked some years. This girl started to develop some feelings for me. Even she left his bf because of these feelings. And during the next 6 or 7 months, as a friend in love with me, but as a friend nonetheless, she fought with my fears and fought against myself, until she broke my wall. She made me believe that I could love again to another one and to leave my fears back. So one or two months later I decided that I wanted her to be by my side. I opened my heart and let her to take it all.

 

Until last saturday, we had been together two joyful years and a half. Being with her was some kind of magic. She was always there for me. When it was necessary she fought against my demons until both of us ended crying and laughing. I can assure you: this girl is a beautiful being.

 

But this story has some dark places. Around our first year, maybe year and a half, she wrote in a blog that she shared with her ex (they used it when they were together but it was dead since their break up) to let him to know that she missed him a bit, that she remembered their times together. And, obviously, one day this guy discovered it and answered what it is evident for anyone if you know this girl: that he still loved her and that he was ready to fight for her in the future. I know all of this because she, being the honest girl that is, told it to me. That day I decided that we should split. She was missing him, I was the second on her heart, and he was feeling the same for her. But she told me crying that she had chosen me over him, that she wanted to strive for ourselves, that she was going to try to forget these ideas of missing him and that she had told all this things to him. Being so in love as I was I chose to believe and, mind you, I think that during this time she really tried to achieve it. In exchange for being together she should clean his house of all of that reminders of him, but she never deleted that blog. Bad idea, now I know.

 

During this last year and a half she had been struggling with the consequences of this. She had been thinking about him more times than she wanted, I guess that she visited that blog to keep memories fresh and in the end an idea born in her head: what if their story wasn't over? what if they should be together? You had to know that I've been told that their relationship was beautiful. They loved each other and was all perfect as it can be. They were young too, from 17 to 19 years old. Now they are nearly 23. They broke up because they started university and that distanced them. She began to feel some things for other guys and at the same time started to lose interest in him. In fact, today, she still do not feel anything special when he is around (is part of their friend's group). She thinks that if they start to chat with more frequency they are going to feel the same again.

 

So, believing that the only way to kill that splinter in her mind was to end our relationship and try to see what could happen with him, she left me this week. She loves me, she doesn't want to break up with me (she is having some rough time too) but she doesn't imagine any other way to deal with that thorn and doesn't want to live with it a single day more. I feel awful, I've been crying my eyes out as if there is no tomorrow. I love her more than my life. I would fight a war for her. It's becoming the worst break up I ever had. And I don't want to lose her, but the truth is that I already did. My friends told me that maybe, maybe their story is not going to be the same as it was, that they are looking for a young relationship, having a bunch of years more and an adult life. That I have to move on but even in that situation to keep a little thread of hope if I want to. Fact is, I can't find that hope. I want to but I can't believe in it. I feel like a long lasting rebound, changing some things, and I doubt that her ex don't take advantage of this new opportunity. I don't know how to deal with this, or if I should kill that hope forever.

 

Help

[Clio]

This girl is not an angel. You are blinded by your love and by the good times you shared in the past. The truth is in her actions. She is a drama queen. She likes drama. She left her previous boyfriend because of the distance which means that she can't handle difficult situations. She likes to say big words but look at her actions. She kept contacting her ex and betrayed your trust TWICE. A real angel would NEVER do that. A real angel does not go from one person to the next like a monkey swinging from one tree branch to the next. She will keep doing this to you for as long as you let her. She may return to you but she will most probably leave you again when she finds someone more interesting or when things get difficult in some way. She is too immature and has a lot of growing up to do.

[Mad]

I don't think she likes drama. I see her like a girl with a lot of troubles when choosing. Immature? You can bet, she is young. Not a mountain of immaturity but there is a bit over there, sure. Maybe the problem came from here. Maybe she still don't really know what she wants. As far as I know, during this last week she had changed her mind over this situation a lot of times. She is keeping her plan ahead but her friends tell me that is thinking about it all day long, and is not enjoying it a lot. I don't think she is a bad person at all, but what I know. I love her with passion.

 

 

Relationships in this interval of age seems to be very difficult. Maybe 30-38 is not a problem anymore, but 22-30... two very different paces.

 

Thanks for your insights.