Should I stand my ground? (Gaming related, LDR related)

[Witch]

Okay so, a bit of back story is my boyfriend, well ex now is really sensitive and emotional. He has reactive depression, etc. I'm aggressive and opinionated and stubborn. We are complete opposites and really can't discuss anything because our logic on things is so different. He also can't admit he's wrong and if I point out he's wrong and he can't find some ridiculous point to retort with for the 16th time he says I'm belitting him and such, when I just talk to him like two adults having a conversation of opinions, a debate, etc.

 

So basically my ex and I were in long distance relationship, we face cammed, we had plans to meat relatively soon, etc. We have a common interest in online games, it's how we met. We've been fighting recently because he doesn't like a game I play and he feels I ignore him when I play it. A bit of a back story here, my ex thinks that our relationship functioning normally depending on whether or not we play the same game is normal and fine because we're an LDR relationship. I think he's absolutely wrong and we should be able to function normally and not argue even if we aren't playing the same game.

 

So anyway, he really hates this game for no real reason. He didn't like that I would invite friends to play with us, which is odd to me because I always asked him whether or not it was okay first and foremost because I'm not just going to off and invite people when I'm doing something with him. He always said it was okay. Then suddenly he hates the game because all I do is invite friends and they don't talk to him, which they do.. just he never responds or tries to have a conversation with them. Which I mean whatever, I'm not going to fuss over them not getting along but it just struck me as odd.

 

So, pretty recently we've been split off playing different games, I playing this game he hates and him playing a game I just needed a break from. We talk on Skype all the times we're home, we're both adults with jobs, etc. And anyway, so he says that I ignore him when I play this game. He doesn't speak, and when I am trying to talk to him he sounds like someone just in his cereal, sorry for the language but he just sounds so mopey and sad and like quiet and I can barely hear him half the time. I try to talk to him, I try to ask whats wrong, I try and then I just get this attitude because "nothing is wrong so stop asking" sort of deal and the he just goes back to dead ass silent. He doesn't say a word, not even good night or anything. He just doesn't say anything but I'm ignoring him? I don't understand that, and he thinks he's absolutely making sense.

 

Our argument that split us was revolving around us arguing that I never talked to him or whatever this week, when he didn't speak at all. And every time he actually asked to do something with me I dropped everything I was doing in the current game I was in and went and spent time with him, I always want to spend time with him.. but he's always mopey and quiet and then it's my fault because I'm playing the game he doesn't like.

 

I don't think I did anything wrong.. I always feel so stressed and pressured if I even type to an online or even IRL friend for more then 2 minutes because then he gets quiet and mopey and he says I'm ignoring him. I feel stressed and pressured if I just feel like playing another game that might not be something he plays, just because I just feel like playing that game. It's ridiculous and I know this is so petty to some of you because it's over video games and I absolutely ing agree but this is the reality of my break up right now and I'm so confused and hurt.

 

Gaming is a mutual hobby of ours, but it causes problems on his end when I'm not playing the same thing it seems.. which sucks and isn't fair. He can go off and play whatever he wants and I never say anything about because I don't care, I like that he enjoys other games that I perhaps don't. I never had a problem with him going and doing his own thing. But I can never do that.

 

I'm ranting.

 

Basically, he said "uninstall that game and we can work this out because I want to be with you, but it's either me or that game." Note that this isn't about me addictions or anything else that like, it's literally simply because he does not like this game I play, a hobby of mine, and he feels ignored when I play it DESPITE HIM NEVER TALKING OR ENGAGING ANY SORT OF ACTIVITY OR CONVERSATION WITH ME.

 

My point of view? This problem is entirely created by him, he never acknowledges that I do try speaking to him, he never addresses how hard it is for me to speak to someone who is literally acting like a bump on a log that is completely uninterested in me, and he his solution of me just quitting something I like doing is unfair. I don't like that he won't acknowledge the much simpler solution, which is him I guess growing a pair and talking to me and engaging with me no matter what I'm doing regardless if I'm doing something with him or not. I just don't understand. I've always dropped everything I was doing when he spoke up and said he wanted to do something together, but he never does that only rarely, he doesn't converse with me, nothing.. yet I'm ignoring him? I don't understand and I don't think I'm in the wrong. I don't think it's fair for someone to tell me I need to stop having a hobby when my hobby isn't the issue here, it's his lack of pro activeness in solving this problem that he has and instead blaming it on me.

 

I could see if he did talk to me, if he did engage in conversation with me, if he did ask me to do other things and I shrugged him off constantly to do this other thing.. but I don't, I never have, but he doesn't do these things, he doesn't ask or anything he just.. sits there and mopes not saying a single ing word saying everything is fine then says I'm ignoring him. It's ridiculous and I feel he's being immature about something petty and instead of fixing it he wants me to just fix it and I'm not going to quit something I enjoy because of his stupidity.

 

I'm sorry for ranting, and I'm sorry if this sounds so petty, it is. I can't believe I'm sitting here furious over something stupid like video games. But I do love this man, a lot. And I'm so hurt that this is the thing he deems appropriate to break up over. I feel as if this isn't about our relationship, it's about his pride, jealousy and stupid petty hate for a single game being put first instead of me.

 

Should I just quit the game? Or am I in the right to stand up for myself, even if it's over something dumb, because he's wrong and being unfair and acting like a child?

[mhowe]

In the midst of the rant you said you "really love this man."

 

Hard to believe as you have never met him. You don't respect him. You belittle him and demean him. You would rather be right than find a compromise. Heck...I don't think you even like him.

 

You like the idea of having a bf, even if it is cyber. The reality is that you are not compatible.

[Witch]

In the midst of the rant you said you "really love this man."

 

Hard to believe as you have never met him. You don't respect him. You belittle him and demean him. You would rather be right than find a compromise. Heck...I don't think you even like him.

 

You like the idea of having a bf, even if it is cyber. The reality is that you are not compatible.

 

I respect your opinion but I don't think you've read what I've wrote and wrote it off as soon as you saw I had an aggressive opinion on top of mentioning it was a LDR.

 

This is how I know you didn't read

 

"I'd rather be right then find a compromise"

If you had read, you'd see he doesn't want a compromise, he straight up broke up with me without finding the proper compromise about this entire thing which would be for him to simply speak up instead of being dead silent and not acknowledging that I do try speaking to him, he broke up with me saying "stop doing what you like doing or we can't have a relationship" when this compromise you speak of is what I was fighting to have on the table with him to begin with. As far as belitting him and demeaning him, I mean I'm mad. This is ridiculous and this is how I feel, does being upset make my feelings less for him? No.

 

Cyber? Not a real relationship? It's 2015, online dating isn't taboo anymore and it definitely isn't just a "cyber" thing. Face camming and constant voice chat builds a bridge that makes LDRs not just a "cyber" thing anymore, while it doesn't complete the gap to meeting, it's silly to toss off modern technology, how it affects our relationships with people, and how our society is moving in regards to relationships.

 

However your last statement, possibly correct. We might not just be compatible and I realize that, but I still would like to know if perhaps I am being too headstrong about this, or if sitting here and simply quitting everything I enjoy because he doesn't like it for the rest of our relationship is a valid compromise.

[Snny]

He didn't like that I would invite friends to play with us, which is odd to me because I always asked him whether or not it was okay first and foremost because I'm not just going to off and invite people when I'm doing something with him. He always said it was okay. Then suddenly he hates the game because all I do is invite friends and they don't talk to him, which they do.. just he never responds or tries to have a conversation with them

Too needy, too emotionally unstable and a "doggy downer" around friends. Ugh, guys like this on online games are the most annoying creeps. I shut down people like these so hard and fast and deliberately kick them. Ain't nobody got time for their online drama. Grow some balls man or stay out of my parties/social chats.

 

The entire post indicates that he is way high maintenance for a long distance relationship.

 

Just end it and move on. You can breathe now.

[mhowe]

stand what ground? That you want to do what you want to do and want him to be OK with it?

 

What you have/had in common is gaming...and now that is falling.off the table because you don't enjoy the same games.

[Heather Dawn]

Cyber? Not a real relationship? It's 2015, online dating isn't taboo anymore and it definitely isn't just a "cyber" thing. Face camming and constant voice chat builds a bridge that makes LDRs not just a "cyber" thing anymore, while it doesn't complete the gap to meeting, it's silly to toss off modern technology, how it affects our relationships with people, and how our society is moving in regards to relationships.

Online dating typically means being introduced to someone online, but quickly meeting in real life. It does not mean a "relationship" between two people who have never even met. You're right that technology lends to a much different LDR experience than previous generations had (though I still don't think they ultimately work) - but that's when two people have actually met in person, spent time together, and have a foundation already in place.

[melancholy123]

You dont even like this guy, why do you persist in this LDR that will go nowhere? I too think you are a right fighter and I think he's an immature jerk who is trying to tell you who you can play games with or not. He sounds like a real loser to me. What are you getting out of such a volatile "relationship" with someone you've never met? I see no future for you two as all you do is fight, there's no respect between you.

[Bunney]

sorry but this whole thing, the whole situation is just cringe-worthy. The way he acts I would have dropped him loong ago, nothing more off-turning than a guy who is THAT insecure and childish (mimimi, you ignored me for 2 minutes, you play a game I dont like, bohooo). What the hell? I couldn't even look at him as a 'man' anymore, he'd just be a stupid little boy to me and nothing else.

 

I dont think he sounds mentally healthy and both of you could benefit from spending some time off the PC and actually enjoy the real world out there for a while. I'm a gamer too and have been in those 'online relationships' you describe (I grew out of 'cyber dating' when I became mature, though) but I always make sure I have a REAL life too, real friends that I see on a regular basis, travel, take care of my life etc. YOUR life right now consists of working, then spending the rest of the day just being on skype with a little boy. Maybe you can't see it but from an outsider perspective, that is pretty sad.

 

And dont buy into the illusion that you 'LOVE' this little boy. To love someone there is so much more that comes into play other than hearing that person's voice and being able to see them as you talk (face-cam). It's about body language, their gestures, their SMELL even, the way they carry themselves, the way they walk, the way the treat and speak to other people, all those little things that you can only see when you spend an extended amount of time with them in REAL life.

[Pixels]

F**k his noise.

 

Sorry about the others ripping into you a bit. Behind it they do have a couple good points though...

 

I've seen the online gaming LDR's work, I've also seen'em end pretty bad... Mind you, I can't say they've necessarily ended worse than more 'standard' relationships...

 

Basically all I'd say is that if things are going sour this early and over something so small, that should be a red flag... Not even that though... You KNOW he's accusing you of something that is plainly not true...

 

If you decide to continue meeting people online like this, my advice would be to not overlook any arguments, and to never trust anyone to a point where you're reliant or dependent on them until you've been able to move the relationship into the real world (for your own security). Additionally, don't spend money you aren't willing to throw away... Even if things do work out initially, the odds are stacked against the long-term... That's the same with any relationship though.

 

Also as a side note, if the internet constitutes the main aspects of your social life, or demands the majority of your time, sometimes it's necessary (depending on your life circumstances) and that's fine IMO, but sometimes it can also be symptomatic of other imbalances that shouldn't be ignored... Not saying I think this is the case, just saying it's not an ideal lifestyle, and if it starts to seem that way, that might be something you should pay attention to (speaking only from personal experience).

 

Otherwise IMO there's normal people on the internet too, and some of them are single, and some of them either have circumstances where dating locally is difficult, or they feel a legit unique connection. Typically people meet doing things that suit their own lifestyle, or that they're passionate about... For some who game, connecting through online games is an ideal way to meet... Of course, distance and not meeting IRL is a significant factor...

 

(Also curious, what game does he consider so bad that he'd break up over?)