Lost and afraid after leaving him

[flower555]

Hello everyone.

 

My story is really about me feeling used.

 

I met this man this time last year I couldnt feel the connection so i said to be friends..i loved his sense of humour and he was always there for me.

 

I noticed we started spending alot of time together. My health was really good it took me years to overcome major health issues, i was at my best when i met him.

 

He has been divorced about 5 years ago has 3 children, she left him for someone else.

I told him me and him cant have anything serious because of how i felt and his circumstances just felt to hard and he wasnt making me feel special.

 

anyway i still met other guys and he knew about it. However me and him ended up getting close and then i would alot of times tell him no but you kow some guys they just cant stop. Anyway i didnt really enjoy it it felt so not right but as we spent more time together i tried to explain what i preferred.

 

At that point and started to feel much closer to him and we were spending alot more time together but i noticed he wasnt doing much romantically. he wasnt working so he couldnt afford it so he would always cook at home for me. I tried to be understanding.

 

Later i had enough he would say please tell me what would make you happy and event hough i would tell him like nice places to go some gifts or flowers. he wouldnt do it.

 

He would eventually say thigns like i dont want you to get used to it then you will want more. etc. He was happy to pay for some casual lunches and dinners a few months ago . he was happy to drive me if i needed lifts he was always there talking to me seeing me everyday.. i mean he was always there but i needed the romance as most girls do.

 

He said he will work and then he could. I tried my best to do things for him too.

then he started working and had legal issues with the ex and he turned into a stress head. I mean he literally went mental.

 

I was there by his side 24/7 through it all. But he just still wouldnt get me flowers or anything. I got sick and im still struggling to get better,

I just wanted him to make me feel special as i was doing to him.

 

i know i love him but at the same time i know and feel he is not over what happened with his marriage and he says he is over her.

 

He kept saying he wants to marry me eventually and i should be patient. He said he wants to do things together like save etc. He doesnt want to make the same mistake like he did with his ex.

 

I have been going through hell for months with his legal issues i have had times wher ei had to turn my phone off because he wouldnt address my needs despite his problems.. a few weeks ago iw ent quiet for 3 weeks but then we came back together..thats the love again.

 

A few days ago i had enough and said you still havnt changed and your still not making me feel i deserve anything. He was crying he has been crying alot with me for months. he said im all he has. But then whats the big deal if he looks after me?

 

Havnt spoken for 3 days.. and imiss him terribly I want to move on but i feel used and stupid as to how ii let this drag on. I know he was convincing at times.

The pain i feel is undescribable because a big part of me feels he is the one for me but his divorce kids and the wy he thinks about money has hurt me so much. I must admit i fell in love with him always there waiting for me.

I wish things were different and he was never married before..now it feels i have to let him go fully ...we could of had a great friendship but he just couldnt keep it that way even though i tried for so long so i guess being with him more than a friend was my only way to have him in my life and i did that.

 

My question is :

Where to from here for me? I feel so sick when i think of him with someone else even though i know we may not be compatible

I feel its my fault he wasnt showing the romance i wanted.

I feel ugly.

 

I feel like its me that is why he didnt do those things. and maybe it is. and that hurts.

I think what can i have done better but i thought my honesty care and giving him support was more than enough.

 

when i think of me and him together i feel my goodness he has three kids.. i am not there mother..i feel like i am taking over..

I feel like i have to help him financially and do thigns his way a bit.. but the thing is i would.

 

I am 32 he is 50.

 

How do i move on ? can we be friends ?

and the feelings of being used or taken for granted. how do i manage those. O it hurts..because i am judging that he did not really love me by the things he didnt do. Even when i told him what they were when he asked,

 

His friends still talk to me.. I mean he may even contact me he did yesterday but wrote in Greeki am not GReek so maybe it was a mistake to get my reaction.

when i left him for 3 weeks he went out and i went to see. Thats when we came back togetehr but 2 days later i went crazy..it just feel like when we sleep together i get all mental.

 

when i saw him out drunk laughing and dancing with girls i just felt like..i knew it he just wanted someone there coz he didnt want to be alone not because he loved me even though he would say he loved me and wanted to marry me.

 

How do we know if we were being used or not Do i stop talking to his friends. I love him. Even though i didnt get the fairytale relationship. I was just so tired and frustrated at telling him how he should be doing things in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. That why i felt unworthy because he wouldnt action romantic things.

I am sorry this is long tomorrow i will be more clear.

 

Thankyou for reading. Its late 7am I havnt slept and I am writing.

[mhowe]

He wasn't the guy for you. He can be out.laughing and dancing with other women...but can't afford to do anything with you? He is full of crap and hoped you would settle for crumbs.

 

Run, don't walk, to th e nearest exit. His woes with his ex will keep him financially drained for years to come.

[Person1001]

I feel like when a man wants to marry a girl, he will move mountains to make that possible. This guy did not care for you, a guy who cares will go out of his way to show that he cares. I am recovering from my 1st relationship, my ex made no effort for me, he wanted to marry me and made absolutely no steps to move in that direction. I gave him months to even make little steps towards getting more serious in life. He would complain he had no $ to marry me, but had enough $ to spend on game cards and spend about 20 or so dollars a week drinking at his regular bar (w/out me, what a waste of $!!!). Plus he made no effort to get a better job, I hate my current job, but I kept applying while working and will soon be starting a new position. I've learned a man needs to show you his through his actions because talk is cheap. The thing that hurts the most for us is the fact that these "men" never cared enough for us to make that sacrifice. These "men" will never change and will always take people for granted, he liked keeping you at his side because you were someone that would be there and he thought that by filling your head w/fantasies you would cling on to him convinced that one he would step up and actually marry you. My ex did not expect me to leave because I was in love w/him, I talked to him how I felt kind of neglected and he didn't do anything about that. He was not happy when I broke up w/him, but I think that was just his pride because the only thing he could say was "well I can't hold you", not something I would expect out of the person that wanted to spend the rest of my life w/. I haven't seen him since and he tried to glamour me again 2 days or so after the break up. Do not go back to him, stay friends w/him etc, that will just be a lot harder for you. Find a man who will be willing to make you his 1st priority and will treat you w/the same type of respect as you show him.

[Willywagtail]

I'm going to take a different perspective.

 

He's still going through a divorce and financial settlement.

He was without a job.

He was pretty clear with you he's not ready for a commitment.

He's 50 and at a much different life stage to you.

 

You've come over all needy demanding flowers, romance and marriage. The main thing on your mind seems to be him giving you a romantic experience of some kind leading to happy ever after.

 

Why would he want to marry? It sounds as if he's just come out from a very difficult one. Why do you handing on to him and his problems? You don't need to take on his financial problems or his children. He's a big boy now and he needs to do that for himself.

 

This is not a relationship that will lead to marriage or result in friendship. You're not compatible, and you're both at very different life stages. Hell, even the sex is bad. He will never be able to meet your expectations of a fairytale romance. No one probably will.