She is breaking NC and wants to talk in person

[Diagonal]

So, we were together 9 years, married for 1.

 

She has some mental health problems, which I did support her with but also tried to solve and escape from by burying myself at work.

 

The extra money I thought would help us long term, as over time I felt almost helpless in being able to help her.

 

This put distance between us and she left one month ago.

 

6 years ago, she did the same, citing the same things - neglect, not in love with you anymore, etc.

 

No relationship is perfect and I feel we both had a role to play in it breaking down.

 

I've moved into a new house, she moved back to her parents. I have been No Contact for almost a month.

 

Before that I had emails from her which really hurt. Divorce talk, shifting the blame entirely on me, saying how bad of a person I was. Seemingly trying to get me to react, which I didn't.

 

Then suddenly yesterday I get a text saying we 'we need to talk about stuff in person'.

 

I would love her back, despite everything.

 

She's not very well at the moment with her mental health. Last time she left it definitely was Grass is Greener Syndrome.

 

Last time she left, I begged, pleaded etc and eventually went No Contact. It helped me heal / move on and as soon as I turned the corner she started come back.

 

We slowly rekindled things after 3 months apart and that was 6 years ago.

 

It's hard for me to not read into things with this text. We've cancelled all the joint bills, taken care of the old house, which we were due to leave anyway just before the split. We have no house together, no kids and over email I told her I'd sign anything regarding a divorce just mail it to me.

 

I have no idea what she wants to talk to me about and also no idea how to act.

 

Any advice would be great, thanks in advance.

[patterned]

You have to decide what you want for yourself. I mean step back and really look at things. No hurry. Stop looking to her for your cue.

[DoF]

You have no idea? You do, you know VERY well. You just HOPE and have DREAMS of it being NOT what it has been.

 

Look, there is ALL kinds of issues in relationships that can be addressed with action and fixed. And there is SOME that simply cannot be. Lack of love is one of those things.

 

MANY MANY Moons ago, she told you clearly "she no longer loves you". DO you really think this is something person can just switch on and off? Why do you continue to engage with a person that doesn't love you?

 

I think this is YOUR issue.

 

So chances are extremely high that :

a) history is a good indicator of the future. She will most likely string you along and do it again.

b) MOST LIKELY she is co dependent on your "mental health support" OR money (and is using your white knight syndrome to extreme)

c) she will continue doing it AS LONG AS YOU ALLOW IT.

 

What I'm trying to tell you is that you are enabling her crappy ways......a person that has 0 feelings for you.

 

Today she will do what you enable her to do. Once you cut that off, she will bring a lawman to do it for her....and rape you LEGALLY.

 

Mark my words.

 

Assuming you realize/recognize this and want to rid your life of this creature, well IM me, maybe I can help you.

[ParisPaulette]

Unless she decides to get therapy and is in counseling for a year minimum I would take this all more as she misses the money and the comforts you provided her. Plus dear old Mom and Dad are probably telling her she needs to get a job and maybe they don't enable her bad behaviors quite so much. So she thinks, "Time to suck him in and go home," until the next time.

 

I would take a pass on that and proceed with the divorce. This has been done twice to you now, you know she has issues she isn't getting help with. Unless you want this to become an endless pattern she will continue to use you. And yes, that's what it is, her using you. Come on, meeting for coffee isn't going to magically make her start being a decent person.

 

At the very least get counseling yourself to figure out why you'd put up with this.