Kadbanoo Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Today is my birthday and that of my last ex, who left me (and broke my heart) in August of 2014. Our mutual birthday was such a big deal - "a sign!", as he said - and this is my second birthday without him. Last year at this time it was just a couple of months after the breakup, we weren't even speaking and I was still in the most painful throes losing this relationship. I had dinner with a friend for my birthday last year but was not in the mood to celebrate. This year is a lot better - I'm going out tonight and having a party with friends at my new apartment on Saturday. My ex and I reconnected a few months ago and that helped with the healing for both of us - to let us be friendly and say the things we wanted to say to each other - but there is still a bittersweetness, that makes me teary-eyed even typing this. Time does help, but I still miss him a lot.
dave_1966 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Happy Birthday, but go no contact, seriously.
miss_sunshine Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Happy Birthday! Stay strong and remember how far you have come over the past year. Well done and enjoy the party.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Happy Birthday, great your better this year..!
No1 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Happy Birthday!! Okay, enough of that.. Quit using this day as your special connection. Rather than focusing on you, you decide to keep this connection to him alive by thinking of him. He should be more worried that your birthday is on the same day as his. Regain your birthday back.. and it wasn't a sign by the way, just another way to get you to like him.. I would of said the same thing if I met you. Doesn't mean you were meant to be. Also, hows staying in contact helping you out? Its not. Its been over a year and you are still missing him. I think personally that you should not contact him again because its not doing you good. Doesn't matter what his feelings are.. you must do what is best for you.
Clinton Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Happy Birthday now go NC for real. As much as you think the contact with the ex gave you closure, from what you're writing it obviously didn't. It probably reset your healing clock. You know what will give you closure? You accepting in your heart of hearts it's done. And time away from the source of your pain.
Kadbanoo Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Thank you all for your nice messages... I don't post much, but I come to this site every day and I read some very interesting things here. It is true that things have gotten better, but it's still not always easy. Certainly easier than months ago when I was laying on the floor crying every day. I literally thought I was going to die and my psychologist wanted to hospitalize me because I was in SUCH a deep depression (anyone can read my post about that) - I never, ever, ever thought I would get over that immense grief, but I did. I know it's not for everyone (contact) but in fact, it WAS really helpful to say the things I wanted to say and it was for him, too. I am glad this year that we sent each other nice birthday messages rather than ignoring each other. Closure is not a word I would use, but definitely helped us both feel better to talk about some of these things - there was a lot of anger at me on his part after the breakup and a lot of sadness and regret for me. I wish I could stop missing him, but I do. I really don't know how we stop missing someone. Time fades the intensity, I don't know if out of sight really keeps them out of mind? I still miss my dad who died almost 15 years ago and I miss friends who have moved away or left my life... I put my son (my only child) up for adoption 29 years ago when I was 17, and I still cry about that from time to time (He was born on Mother's day, again, another bittersweet time of year)... Time makes things easier but we still have those moments, I guess. Thank you again - you are all very kind. I really hesitated to post anything, because I'm more of a lurker than a poster, and I appreciate your nice words. Last year was horrible, this year is better and next year is going to be great!
treesandbees Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Happy Belated Birthday .. did you reach out to him on your same date bday or tried to enjoy yours without thinking about him too much? I find it hard not to reach out on the bdays and Christmas.
Kadbanoo Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 Happy Belated Birthday .. did you reach out to him on your same date bday or tried to enjoy yours without thinking about him too much? I find it hard not to reach out on the bdays and Christmas. Thank you so much - I had a LOVELY LOVELY birthday! It was nice to get out some of these sniffles that still come from time to time. I had dozens and dozens of birthday messages, phone calls, texts, etc (and yes, my ex, as well as his brother, sister, aunt and cousin also sent me birthday wishes, which is nice, of course). I went to a photo exhibit and then to dinner with a friend the night of and had (have) a party planned for tonight. Unfortunately, as everyone has heard by now, there was a series of deadly attacks in Paris last night - including a restaurant on the street where I ate dinner the night before. A friend was at the concert hall that was attacked and 100 hostages were killed, but she is out safely. The husband of a friend of a friend who was also there has not been heard from, so I am imagining he might be dead. It's just a very scary, crazy time and people are afraid to go out, which I understand. When we had the Charlie Hebdo attacks back in January, it was awful, but didn't feel as scary because it was targeted - this is planned violence that involved random people and places and that is unnerving, at best. I will still have a few people over (I did make a triple-layer chocolate cake, after all!) but the mood is a little more solemn. Take care and thank you all for the birthday wishes and lending me your ear xx
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