kayebird15 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I live with my boyfriend (29) & I am (22) we have been together for a year and 10 months. We have lived together over a year. We both have plans to go into the air force but he has already swore in and leaves for basic in February. I'm not sure when I will leave because I still haven't taken my actual practice test yet. This past year has been extremely hard in this particular relationship. I have given up so much for him (all good things) like smoking, drinking, partying. He has been so good to me that I literally changed my life around but along with that came other challenges I never faced before. 1.) He kept me a secret from friends and family. (I still feel like that) based on him not wanting me to meet his family. Every time I ask he gets upset and shuts me out. Then I know this might sound immature but I tag him in photos on Facebook and he never accepts them but accepts others. 2.) When we moved into our apartment he had no desire to help me decorate or let alone make a simple decision. He said he wasn't "interested" because it's not a house. Which hurt my feelings because this apartment is our home and we should take pride in it. this also falls into the lines of cleaning behind himself or doing something so simple as in throwing his trash away. There can be a trash can sitting right beside him and he will never take initiative to throw it away. 3.) I'm a sexual person and I have needs. He just doesn't provide... WILLINGLY. I always try to iniciate sex and he rejects me. Only when he wants it, which is rare. Asking for sex is really sad and makes me feel undsired. And when we do have sex he tries to use all the condoms up in 3 days then we won't have sex for another month or so. 4.) He never knows what he wants. You would think I man at 29 would have some clue to how he views his future. Lol I always ask and his favorite line is "I don't know" So I feel all of these things are very important to me. Even though he falls short on all of that I continue to want to pursue a future with this man. I could see myself being the mother of his children etc. So we just recently went on a vacation to Virginia and we ended up talking about what could happen for our future. He basically tells me that he has no interest in being married or having children "right now" . Which shocked me because I had this idea in my mind that we could get married before we go to boot camp so we can be stationed together. It was like a slap to my face. So I told him that I want to break up. And this fool said no. I'm hurt and confused because we only have a few moths before the lease is up and he goes to basic. Whats the point of being together if the other person doesn't even want you like that. Its like he isvplaying some sick mind game with me. I just don't know what to do. I am unhappy and in love and hurt all in one.
dias Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 "I have given up so much for him (all good things) like smoking, drinking, partying" . That was ludicrous to be honest . "So I told him that I want to break up. And this fool said no". What does that mean? Are you in thrall ? Is he your master? Just leave .
Tayla92 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 You said yourself you want to break up, you need to stick to that and leave. I don't think he is actually serious about this relationship and he's hiding you from friends/family, not sure why you've stayed this long?
kayebird15 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Sorry I wasn't clear, I was in a very dark place when I first met him. I had lost my mother to Cancer. Based on past relationships he helped me get through the storm I was in verses adding to it. (Which was in the "honeymoon" phase in the beginning) & no he isn't my master, he said no because he wants to be with me to. We just have different views on how this relationship should go. Telling me to leave is obvious advice I need details and I want to know if how I'm feeling is wrong .
kayebird15 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 I guess because we live together which is why I haven't just up and left. But he is my best friend so it's a little deeper than that. Just not sure what to do exactly.
dias Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 You are not on the same page,therefore, you are not in the wrong . He hides you from his friends and family and you are sexually incompatible , these are huge red flags.
Vanessatan Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Well, after reading your post, I think I have some ideas about your relationship. I have to tell priorly that my opinion is rather negative towards your guy and your relationship. First, I think that he does not love you as much as you love him. Maybe, he just takes you for granted. So, you need to acknowledge if he really likes you or not by observing some signs from him. Second, this may sound crazy but I guess that your boyfriend is gay or something like that. Maybe, he has sexual problems because most men with sexual or sex problems will deny to have sex with women (no matter he likes or does not like her). Men with too little interest in having sex so much (1,2 times per month is too little) because some reasons: - perhaps, he is not interested in his partner. But in my experience, men often want make love with most women, regardless love for her, it is just simple physical desire. Men don't mind so much about the partner he is making love with. Really. - or, he has problems with his sexual desire or ability. That is why he does not want to have sex with you much. - or he is too stressed due to his job, so he loses interest in caring you, but chances are, this is not your case The only one thing I advise you is that, you should find another better man. Don't try to insist or maintain a relationship with a man who does not interested in building a mutual love with you. There are so many problems in your relationship. Don't marry a man who does not want to introduce you to his family or friends, he is just playing with you and once he finds another girl that he likes, you will be kicked off and no one else knows about you and your relationship with him previously. So, be brave, forget him and find another better man.
Ms Darcy Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Even though he falls short on all of that I continue to want to pursue a future with this man. I could see myself being the mother of his children etc. So we just recently went on a vacation to Virginia and we ended up talking about what could happen for our future. He basically tells me that he has no interest in b[/i]eing married or having children "right now" . Which shocked me because I had this idea in my mind that we could get married before we go to boot camp so we can be stationed together. It was like a slap to my face. So I told him that I want to break up. And this fool said no. I'm hurt and confused because we only have a few moths before the lease is up and he goes to basic. Whats the point of being together if the other person doesn't even want you like that. Its like he isvplaying some sick mind game with me. I just don't know what to do. I am unhappy and in love and hurt all in one. You are Ms. Right NOW and not Ms. Right. He's happy to have the companionship, but he doesn't see a future with you. Not introducing you to family, lack of sex, told you he isn't interested in marriage and children "right now." It's all hinting for you not to keep your hopes up. Just leave him. He's not man enough to tell you he'll never marry you.
mhowe Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Btw...being married won't guarantee you are stationed together.
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