Sex Relationship advice

[Slr]

Hi,

 

This is the first time I've done these things so bare with me! I just felt like I needed some one to talk too and give me advice.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years ago, and recently the last six months or so things have just gotten difficult.

 

The issue is a very inactive sex life, this is on his side not mine, I had a really high sex drive and now that has just gone. The reason he says he doesn't want sex is because three is too much pressure about it but u when I try and talk things through he won't talk about it. He says it's not a physical thing it's his mind.. He has repetedly told me it's not me but every night I try it on with him and he doesn't respond it breaks my heart every time and just makes me feel like it is me. I have left it alone for about 3 weeks not said one word and still nothing has happened.

 

Please can i also point out that were both in our early twenties!

 

We don't have a lot of big arguments we have little arguments but they have just become more frequent and I sometimes wonder if our relationship had just run its course. But on the hand i think we have such good times together he is my only best friend and I love him more than anything. But what is a relationship where there is no sexual chemistry...

[Dottieflanogon]

I speak from experience. Even if he gives in and starts giving you more sex, he'll slip back into his old habits (his normal sex drive). You guys just don't match up sexually. This becomes a really big deal the longer you are together. For both of you. He's going to be annoyed with your sexual appetite and your self esteem is going to fall.Maybe it's just me, but I feel that sexual compatibility is really important, possibly even a deal breaker. Regardless, please don't feel like it's your fault or you're doing anything wrong. Your sexual appetite is just a lot more than your boyfriend and you need to think about whether or not that's something you can live with.

[jjkk]

Oh, this must be SO frustrating for you!! Here are some things to consider and answer for us because it could help w/ advice.

Is on any medication? Some meds kill sex drive.

Did this decrease in sex drive happen suddenly or was it gradual? If suddenly, did something traumatic happen around the same time?

Has anything else changed in his life recently?

Any physical injuries or illnesses that have occurred?

[Slr]

He is not on any medication no, and it was gradual I'd say..

I can't think of anything that has happened that significant. The only thing I can link it with is that he over stresses very easily and his job is very stressful. And our living situation is stressful at the minute as there is a lot of arguments with his parents as we live there but then we've live here for about 14 months now.. So I really just don't know.

[Slr]

No injuries or illnesses either.

[jjkk]

Maybe it has something to do w/ living w/ his parents. I wouldn't be comfortable having much sex in my parent's house. Also, if it was gradual then I'd say most likely it could also just be his natural sex drive is low. Sounds like you've done well backing off for a bit to help him not feel so pressured. It sounds like you need to decide how much this lack of sex is bothering you and balance that w/ how good the rest of the relationship is. For me...well, no sex would be a deal breaker. You need to decide for yourself about this. I'd suggest having a kind, compassionate, non confrontational talk with him and let him know you're bothered enough about it that you're considering ending the relationship. You can suggest seeing a doctor to find if there are any physical reasons such as low testosterone or maybe all the stress is causing him erectile dysfunction and he's embarrassed. It could be that all is well physically and he really does just have a low sex drive in which case the best you can hope for is some kind of compromise. Best of luck!!