How do i go about this. It's my first time falling in love.

[Spasov]

I met this girl this summer. I instantly fell in love. But as it turns out she had a boyfriend so i swallowed my feelings and let it go before it got any deeper. Unfortunately i couldn't completely let it go and decided to be friends instead.

We chatted almost every day. I kept finding out we are more and more the same and fell deeper in love, but told her we might be best friends. She is completely committed to her boyfriend and loves with passion, which i admire in her. We met once for a few days in person and got along awesome. Leaving for home and saying goodbye to her was the worst day of my life. I tried to think of her as a friend or a sister or something to get her out of my head ,but it's been bugging me for months now. Nothing works.

 

She left in the fall to go study in Europe but we still chatted a lot. After a month there her boyfriend left her and she was devastated. After that we talked every single day. She called me cute and special and we talked about everything. Now that she's free i want to tell her i love her, but i want to do it in person, she is coming back this winter. She said she can't wait to come back and that we absolutely MUST see each other again. But i still get this friendly vibe from her. Maybe because i said we were friends when she was still taken and she herself thinks she's friendzoned by me. She has never had a boyfriend before this guy who broke her heart and Is pretty confused about herself when it comes to love.

 

Ive never felt this before, i've never fallen for girls this bad. But i cant figure out if we're just friends or if she likes me. She has a really sweet personality and is very introverted and i cant imagine her flirting which is why i cant figure out her feelings. But she said I'm "photogenic" , cute and very special to her. She also starts most of the conversations.

 

We will be apart one more month while she works there from down till dusk. I don't expect her to get hit on by someone else, and even if she does I don't think she'll let herself fall easily in love again. I want to tell her NOW that i love her. I want her to know how I feel, but i want it to be special and tell her in person, and I'm burning from the inside everyday, trying to interpret her messages weather they are romantic or friendly. And I'm afraid that the more we chat the more we get "friendlier".

 

Do i tell her I love her now over chat or do i wait until she comes back? Even If i get friendzoned i just wanna share how i feel. It's driving me crazy, please guys who have more experience ...help.

Thank you.

[Dottieflanogon]

Face to face communication is always better than over the chat. chatting/texting leaves too much room for misunderstanding.Having said that, no matter how awkward it seems, it is the best course of action.By telling her, there are only two real outcomes.

 

1.You tell her that you have feelings for her, and she doesn't reciprocate.

What happens? Not much. Maybe a bit of awkward, but your relationship should be strong enough that you guys could shrug it off and you'll know where you stand

 

2.You tell her that you have feelings for her, and she reciprocates. What happens? Your life just became so much more awesome.

 

Good luck

[Spasov]

Yeah, you're right.

 

Thing is... she is really naive when it comes to flirting and stuff. And most of the little flirty hints I send her way are shrugged off or misinterpreted. She actually doesn't get them.

I'm starting to think that I'm already frindzoned, even if she finds me attractive ,because she think i only think of her as a friend too. It might be hopeless. I've heard of instances where trough friendship grows romance over time. My mom and dad fell in love after being just buddies for years.

Do you guys think it's possible? After i pour my heart out she might actually turn around.

[Dottieflanogon]

well,It's either she's interested in you that way or not, Period. You won't know until you ask. The worst she can say is no. Dive in to the deep end of the pool and ask.Best wishes to you!

[Spasov]

Well, ofcourse you're right. But the problem is I'm ridiculously RIDICULOUSLY !! in love. I can't stop thinking about her. So i gotta wait 1 more month before we see each other. Now ... the problem is I'm 98% sure she's just being friendly and ive been friendzoned and whatever. I've never been friendzoned before but i know how to stop thinking about a girl when i want to.

Now im not sure ive been friendzoned but heres something i AM sure of. This Love keeps ruining my work and other social life because it pops up in my head all the time. She keeps messaging me every damned day being all friendly and stuff and i feel im being played for a fool.

Since im almost sure ive been friendzoned i though i should just ignore her stuff, or atleast tone down the chat to once or twice a week so that i can focus on other things and get my together again.

Do you think I should stop messaging her so much since its such a torture for me?

[mhowe]

How are you being.played for a fool when she has no idea that your feelings are more than friendship? You are the one who opted for friendship with a girl who had a boyfriend. And now that she sees you as a friend...you want to back off and expect that she will understand? That you really had ulterior motives all this time? That your caring about her wasn't genuine?

[Spasov]

Thank you for replying. That's exactly why i write here, I'm afraid im a bit ignorant about this.

 

Uhm yes I agree. But what should i do then? I do care about her genuinely, but If she doesn't feel the same it really is torture for me at this point to be so close to her. I can't tell her over chat how i feel it's stupid, i think.

[mhowe]

Then you dial back the "I'm in love with the idea of her" and continue your texting until she returns and you can tell her how you feel. But be prepared to find out that she thinks you are her friend. Not some guy who pretended to be her friend until she was single so you could be her boyfriend. And who knows...maybe she wants to date once you guys are in proximity. But you won't know until you ask.

[Spasov]

Thank you.

 

I'm sorry it came off as if I pretended to be her friend. I would have been happy to remain her friend if she had still been with her boyfriend. As long as she was happy. We don't choose who we love, but still it's my fault for going this far.

I'll try and focus on my work a bit more and still be there for her until we see each other again.

[mhowe]

When we choose to love someone who is in a relationship with someone else, this is the consequence.