Bktrail Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 My boyfriend has 2 kids, who I haven't met yet. We have been together for over a year and I'm now pregnant and he still doesn't want me to meet his kids yet... But what is driving me crazy is that when he goes to see his kids he goes to their house and hangs out there with them. His ex still wants to be with him. I don't feel comfortable with him going over there at all, I don't think that he would cheat on me, I just don't like the idea of her probably trying to get back with him. I think he should pick them up to see them... He won't budge on the issue. What should I do?!
melancholic_too Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 How old are the kids? How long has he been separated from his ex? Generally, while introducing you to his children is definitely his decision to make I would say you are going to be a part of his life going forward (whether you stay together or not you are having a baby). So to me it isn't unreasonable to make some requests, but you cannot tell him where to meet his children. Have you met the ex? How is the relationship otherwise?
flowerpower90 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I don't think it's fair for you to say where he sees his kids, especially if him & his ex have a set up that works for them. How do you know his ex wants him back? Has she said something to him? Has he been respectful of your relationship when it comes to whatever happened if something did indeed happen? Do you want to meet his kids or are you just uncomfortable with him going to her place? I was 16 or 17 when my mom started dating & she didn't let my sister or I meet her boyfriend for a looooong time & tried to keep it a secret even though we were older & more than happy that she was dating again. I had to pester her to finally introduce us. Some people are more hesitant with these things even if the relationship is serious (she's been with her bf for over 5 yrs now). If you guys are having a baby together it might be good to get into couples counseling. It sounds like a bit of communication, boundary setting, & compromise would help.
ywj Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 It is definitely important that you sit down and communicate with your partner about your concerns. However it needs to be done slowly, calmly and one step at a time. In terms of his kids, sometimes, depending on the person but sometimes it is hard to think about how to introduce their kids to a new "mom" and also depending on how old his kids are as well. Maybe he is not ready because he doesn't know how to tell his kids. Maybe begin with just sitting down and talking about plans for your own child. It's not always necessary to directly discuss the issue you have concerns with. Because as you discuss other important aspects that you share with your partner, he may come to realise it on his own. You shouldn't push him either as he could be facing issues that he might not be telling you and one being how to talk to his children about you.
Ms Darcy Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 He probably doesn't want you to meet them because he's not all that serious about a future with you. Perhaps he has hope for getting back with the babies' mama or he's messing with her on the side or he doesn't want her to know he's impregnated someone else. No matter what, you are just another baby momma to him.
exesandohs Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Wow. That Ms. Darcy character sure knows how to sugar-coat things, doesn't she? haha Jokes. But, realistically, yeah this situation is very problematic. I would understand a parent being very protective of who meets their children. However, it's usually because they aren't sure about someone and don't want to introduce someone new to their children, only to not have them around shortly after. It doesn't mean you aren't right for them, but it definitely means they aren't sure if you are either way. That being said, the fact you are now pregnant WITH HIS CHILD and he doesn't want you to meet his children, who whether you and him end up together or not, will still be half brothers/sisters to your current child is seriously alarming. It seems he is in major denial of his two worlds colliding and that's not a red flag, it's about 100 red flags, a burning building and an airstrike all at once.
HeartGoesOn Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Unless you're in a secure committed relationship with the probability of going long term, he's smart to hold off introducing you to his kids. If I may ask, why did you decide to bring a child into this, in spite of having doubts regarding your relationship? At any rate, it looks like you'll be raising this child on your own, therefore that should be your main focus. IMO, your next course of action would be to seek legal counsel, and begin filing for child support/visitation. Hopefully this baby has a fair chance in life, and I wish you the best.
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