Chirockcity Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 My significant other calls me beautiful but has called his ex in the past beautiful, hot *and* sexy. I found his old phone and snooped for a few minutes... Big mistake. I asked him about it and he says he thinks I'm super beautiful but doesn't use the words hot or sexy anymore as he's changed as a person. He would say to his ex "you are sooo hot/sexy" I've gotten beautiful which is great but she got beautiful, hot *and* sexy. Do I sound like a broken record yet ? In all seriousness... Why? I'm a pretty girl and his ex was very attractive as well... Am I reading into it? He says I'm light years prettier than his ex which I suppose is nice to hear.
notalady Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Omg yes you are reading way too much into it! I would prefer beautiful to hot and sexy any day of the week!!! When people start focusing less on the sexual aspect (hot, sexy), they start to use those terms less, particularly when describing someone they genuinely like/love. Other than MAYBE during sex. He's given a good reason for it, and even reassured you that he thinks you're light years prettier, even though he could've gotten annoyed by your snooping for no reason (wrong!), and acting insecure. I think you need to leave this alone now. It's quite an immature behaviour to start with, you don't want it to affect your relationship.
nanz Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 You have 3 options. 1)drop it- This is the appropriate thing to do, as he has given you every reason to explain his actions and going on about it is just insecurities (which are self inflicted and have nothing to do with him) 2)end your relationship- after his answers, you needed reassurance from us, which means that your relationship will fail unless you can start trusting him. or 3) (and stop reading if examining yourself is unpleasant) -change. In "Man Land" sexy and hot are used to describe someone that makes us horny. Beautiful is used to describe something that we find peace and pleasure in. guys marry a beautiful girl, we want a sexy girl. If you can stay beautiful, but become comfortable with your body so much that all you want to do is show it off and have him touch you all the time, he'll start using those words with you too. ....he'll probably wonder what the heck is going on... but generally guys are ok with a girl being ok with herself.
Chirockcity Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I'm aware that beautiful means relationship and sexy means lust/horny. Is it so bad to want both in a relationship? He might find me beautiful but I'm thinking long term and wondering if he lusts after me as well. Know what I mean? Both are important in a relationship.
itsallgrand Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Beautiful/pretty isn't necessarily sexy. Some downright fugly people can be sexy as hell, IMO. Pretty is just what you look like. Sexy is an overall vibe. I'm sure you have your sex appeal but are killing it with this insecurity. Everyone loves confidence. I may be talking out of my butt right now but I think men especially are in a unique place to appreciate it, because there are so many women who lack it and sort of leave it to the men to initiate everything - flirting, compliments, sexual advances, actively showing the person you want how much you want them. I'm sure you can think of more than a few ways to have him uttering 'god, you are so f/king hot' without resorting to nagging him about it. If you really do want to hear it that bad.
HeartGoesOn Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I think this is much ado about nothing. Some of the most attractive traits that have much more meaning are, confidence, the ability to hold a conversation, having a mind of her own, etc. These qualities tend to hold their weight, and can't diminish with time. With that said, I would look past the terms, "sexy, hot" etc, and simply present myself as the person I am.
sleepingdonut Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 You can 1) Accept he thinks you're beautiful, 2) Overanalyze everything to death until the relationship falls apart. Personally, I'd go with 1.
j.man Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 **** that guy. Calling you BEAUTIFUL???? What an ***hole. I say confront him and ask him just who he thinks he is calling you awful names like that. I know if my girlfriend had the audacity to call me something offensive like "handsome," I'd kick her to the curb in a Texas heartbeat.
Helpexpressme Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Well to me, If I called a woman "beautiful", I would only say it if I REALLY liked you, and/or cared/loved you. "Hot, Sexy" are words I'd throw out there at any random hot/sexy woman. Beautiful is something I reserve for special people!!!!!!!!
Ms Darcy Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 The biggest problem is that you seem ok with being insecure about words and violating his boundaries by snooping through his phone. YOU need to let this go and vow to stop snooping.
jobelle Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I really wouldn't worry about it unless he doesn't show interest in sex or something. And you might want to stop asking him about it
Loriana Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 OP I think where you are going wrong here is that you are comparing yourself to his ex. Yes, he may have called her hot/sexy but it doesn't mean he is into her more than he is into you. If he was into her he would still be with her, but he isn't, he is with YOU because YOU are the one he wants. Honestly if a man calls a woman hot/sexy it's because they just see them in a sexual way, they are really saying "I want to f*** you". Most men do not casually throw around the word BEAUTIFUL unless they really feel something for a woman. When a man calls a woman beautiful he is talking about her physical appearance, her heart, her soul. That means so much more than hot/sexy.
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