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What are you thinking thread? round two, Part 4


indierockgrl
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Emotional support is a strange thing in that it typically comes from unexpected sources. There are very few constants in that department, in my experience. The people who you think would, don't. The people that you never expected, do. It's just strange that way.

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My therapist today told me to consider that the possibility of being primarily non-judgmental is a thing. I laughed. I told her it's our nature to be judgmental. She said in a way, but it is not a fixed trait. She then said years ago, her therapist planted the seed about that kind of mindfulness and it took her a long time. And now she wanted to plant the seed in my head. I was like ok, maybe when I'm 50.

 

That woman grows on me, as a therapist. There were points I wasn't sure about her, but it took her revealing small pieces of her personal struggles for me to be like...Okay, stick with her for now.

 

Ha. I'm over 50, and yeah, letting go of judgement is a huge relief, but it happened after 50 and after breaking up for me. Well, not all judgement has gone, but let go of the "job" of judging full time, if you know what I mean.

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Ha. I'm over 50, and yeah, letting go of judgement is a huge relief, but it happened after 50 and after breaking up for me. Well, not all judgement has gone, but let go of the "job" of judging full time, if you know what I mean.

 

I sure do, and that's definitely what she was getting at. She said it's not a superior trait(I felt rather insistent that it was). She said, I don't do it because I want to be a saint or something. I just learned the value of preserving MY emotional energy and don't want to waste it on that. And I can get on board with that. Well, probably not now. But perhaps one day. It is an effort to let go of that, a constant effort to tell myself "I don't want to expend my energy on this." It's double effort..I find that easier to do in some areas. So really, what she said....And then how you worded it...It's not that foreign of a concept to me as when she first presented it.

 

I like the way you worded that. Letting go of the "job" of judging full-time.

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I sure do, and that's definitely what she was getting at. She said it's not a superior trait(I felt rather insistent that it was). She said, I don't do it because I want to be a saint or something. I just learned the value of preserving MY emotional energy and don't want to waste it on that. And I can get on board with that. Well, probably not now. But perhaps one day. It is an effort to let go of that, a constant effort to tell myself "I don't want to expend my energy on this." It's double effort..I find that easier to do in some areas. So really, what she said....And then how you worded it...It's not that foreign of a concept to me as when she first presented it.

 

I like the way you worded that. Letting go of the "job" of judging full-time.

 

It happens in stages for sure! I started seeing almost every situation this way very recently... Is it life or death? Is it a core value? Can I control it? If the answer is no then eh... Screw it.

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It happens in stages for sure! I started seeing almost every situation this way very recently... Is it life or death? Is it a core value? Can I control it? If the answer is no then eh... Screw it.

 

I like your filtering mechanism. I notice "Can I fix it?" isn't included, and I think that is where I slip up. Sometimes I think I should fix a situation when it might be wiser/saner to let it go.

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Interesting discussion. Something for me to really think about too. I'm not there either cheet, but I'm starting to see some of the payoff to it. I've noticed a lot more lately how much energy it takes to judge. Energy I could use for something I'd enjoy more, or actually effect a change, or even for those I love. The stress it is. I liked the wording too of ' the job of judging'. It does sort of seem that way, which makes me wonder, what do I think I am serving (or who) with it?

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This forum can be so bizarre with double standards.

 

It reflects society... we encounter a breadth of perspectives on here and not all are comfortable for all of us. To my way of saYing it, not all are humanist, not as much as id like to see.

 

As Blue Spiral and Fudgie recently celebrated in his diary, it's a big world that is - in many places anyway - moving more towards individualism. But social standards are slower to change and show up in the most innocent of thoughts. Until we learn to see them, we don't even know how prevalent they are. John John cited height differences in commercials, I take issue with the first Shrek for perpetuating assumptions about racial and economic disparity, threads here about sexual aggression run afoul of unfair views all the time. We are working through centuries of bias on here.

 

I am glad people stay engaged. It's the only way we learn.

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I think I finally have accepted this thing called Alzheimer's, that it is what it is and my mother is okay, and I am okay. And then something hits and I am reminded all over again that is not okay, will never be okay, that I think it is a monstrous gross injustice for the universe to have kept her alive through so many things all her life to now let it end with the lights going out inside her one by one slowly. And I have no clue or anyone else how it happened.

 

And I lay awake and worry about the future, because right now it all looks dark. Of course, this is the month my depression typically kicks in, so it could just be that too.

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