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What are you thinking thread? round two, Part 4


indierockgrl
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That moment you realize you've grown up enough to know when to keep your mouth shut. (most of the time).

Happy moment.

 

But then there's a point in time you know you shouldn't say something but, you just say screw it let's see what happens

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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I have a busy life in which I try to fill up every second of the day. Yeah, most of that is spent playing some long rpg game or blowing through an excellent series on Netflix like I did today with Master of None (so good!). But it's really important to also "schedule" space. Not space in case something comes up to fill in with something else - space to actually do nothing: to breath, to reflect. Some people meditate, others pray (some do both of those!) but even outside of those activities I think that some extra "nothing" time is really important to combat that "too busy" feeling.

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I know my body better than any doctor, yet when I tell them what's worked in the past for me they invariably say, "Let's not do that." And then I end up spending more money out of pocket to come back again and again until they say "Fine, we'll do it your way." And guess what? It works, every.bloody.single.time.

 

Our health system here is so broken. I can't even afford the insurance my government is fining me for not getting, meanwhile my sister in Canada gets all manner of tests and care for the same issues I have. I take ibuprofen and caffiene and power through, she goes to the clinic, gets a proper diagnosis and is better within a week.

 

America, on this one aspect--healthcare--you suck. Still. Even with so-called healthcare. Bah! Humbug!

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Bored, unmotivated, no emotion, it's hot, I think I should go for a walk but can't be bothered.

 

I think I should put the washing away, I think I should vacuum, I think I should get some groceries. I think I should hang out the washing.

 

Stuff it, I'm going to eat a Dark Chocolate TimTam, all this thinking has got me nowhere.

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  • 1 month later...

My therapist today told me to consider that the possibility of being primarily non-judgmental is a thing. I laughed. I told her it's our nature to be judgmental. She said in a way, but it is not a fixed trait. She then said years ago, her therapist planted the seed about that kind of mindfulness and it took her a long time. And now she wanted to plant the seed in my head. I was like ok, maybe when I'm 50.

 

That woman grows on me, as a therapist. There were points I wasn't sure about her, but it took her revealing small pieces of her personal struggles for me to be like...Okay, stick with her for now.

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